Chapter 54: Tangers V--The Land of Nuts and Fruits

A/N: The following chapters are dedicated to Adam aka Sharkie aka Abby, but I know you as SambaBoy! You’ve been begging for a California Roadtrip so it begins here eeeeep! Also many thanks to Jad. Oh yeah, I don’t know if there’s anything that can access the internet from an airplane, but go with it! In my universe you can!!!

Chapter 54: Tangers V or The Land of Nuts and Fruits

"It’s cute I guess, real cute... I can deal with it, shoulda seen how happy it made the kids."

"Really? That’s cool," I said to Joey as we sat next to each other on the plane ride to Anaheim. "I mean Patty doesn’t seem real happy with their new puppy."

"He was a great gift from Michele too... Patty’s not happy with theirs? I guess Michele must have surprised him with it too," Joe said.

I nodded and mouthed out the word "oh". Gift from Michele? That’s what Debbie musta told Joe so he wouldn’t know what Modo’s latest gift to him was. Ah those ladies, such quick thinkers!

"What you name yours?" I asked. "Jana name theirs Gigi."

There was actually a sparkle in Joe’s eye when he heard that. "Gigi!" he exclaimed. "How funny! Sounds like a name a little girl would come up with."

"Yeah," I nodded. "It’s after the movie about the French girl where she doesn’t wanna be some guy’s mistress, Jana really likes that movie and... Hey! Should Jana be watching a movie like that?"

Joe laughed quietly and shrugged. "I don’t know how French girls should be raised. Debbie let Mitchell name ours and it was great, Mitchell got all smiley and he said to me, ‘I’m going to name him after the best hockey player in the world!’"

"Aww," I said. "He named him Joe?"

Joe absolutely beamed with what I supposed was fatherly pride and then he said. "Nah, he named him Wayne."

I raised my eyebrows. I felt awkward for a moment and didn’t know if I should laugh or not, but when Joey laughed, I relaxed and laughed too.

"Well Tiger," Joe said and I cringed inwardly, I hated when he called me Tiger or Sport, "I need to get some sleep, so mingle! Don’t sit around with a square like me, I could taint your image."

Before I could say anything, Joe leaned back on the seat and proceeded to snore. I’m sure he didn’t fall asleep that fast but he was giving me the signal to scram. So I did. It seemed like everyone was crammed at the back of the plane anyway.

Our TV guys Peter McNabb and John Kelly were laughing and playing cards with Yeller and Mess and the coach, they looked really into the game so I decided I wouldn’t crash that. Some of the guys were just wandering around the plane, in small groups around seats and just yakking about everything. I felt a small twinge of fear, was everyone too tightly in groups? Was I gonna be left out of everything?

"Hey! Kitten, come sit next to me, I have some wild stories to tell you!"

I looked over at Trep’s large, laughing gaze and I smiled, skittering away faster down the aisle, pretending I hadn’t heard Pascal.

"Oooooh, this one’s hot!"

I frowned and looked over at Parker who was sitting with a laptop computer, he was grinning with that wicked grin of his, and the one he uses when anything vaguely freaky is going on.

"What’s up, Scotty?" I asked, knowing that I really didn’t want to know.

"This chick just IM’d me," he said, "and her screen name is GothicCyberSlut. She just popped on my screen and said she wants to be spanked with the paddle of a large brush!"

Within the moment, Trep, Patty, Keaner, Footer and Foppa appeared at Scott’s side, all of them with identical grins to the one Scotty had.

"Have you answered her yet?" Pascal asked.

"Nope," said Parker, "not yet, I just got the IM."

"Oooh this sounds good!" giggled Patty.

"Tell her not until she gets on her hands and knees and whines like a puppy," Keaner said.

"Good one!" said Footer, hitting Keaner playfully on the arm.

Keaner just winked at him.

"OK," said Scotty and he typed in the message. Even though I disapproved completely of these shenanigans, and I knew Joe would too, I leaned over to peek at the screen. I mean, there was nothing else to do.

The answer from GothicCyberSlut appeared immediately.

GothicCyberSlut: Woooo OW OW Wooo Mmmmmm Woof!

Weall looked at each other and the guys laughed.

"Priceless!" Scotty laughed, "I’m gonna ask for her picture now!"

HarleyDudeParker: Good puppy, gotta pic?

"What if she looks like a dog?" Foppa asked, "Then all the fun goes away!"

"Have you seen Scotty’s girlfriends?" Footer said, "I doubt he’ll mind."

Parker laughed as he was transferring the picture of himself on his Harley into the e-mail. "Hey, don’t judge me because I appreciate a good, whole woman and not some bulimic swizzle stick who’s afraid of reptiles!"

"Hey I appreciate a good woman too!" Pascal protested. "Woman of all shapes and sizes and ages!" he sounded almost wistful as he said that.

GothicCyberSlut: Ooooh u r a big, strong boy! Hi hunny!

I wrinkled my nose and Parker looked up from the screen. "Should I spank her, guys?"

"Nah, not yet! Let’s see what else she’ll do," Foppa said, grinning with that white smile of his. I know he brushes his teeth five times a day!

HarleyDudeParker: U have to earn ur spanking!

Parker looked up at us, "Hey guys!" he said. "How do ya spell naughty?"

"K...n...o..." Footer began.

"Dumbass," Patty said, "It’s n...o...t..."

"N...a...u...g...h...t...y," Keaner said, "Now hurry it up!"

HarleyDudeParker: I only spank naughty girls. R u a naughty girl?

I think all of our eyes got huge at that moment, even Pascal’s, as GothicCyberSlut went on to describe exactly how she was gonna do certain things to Scotty’s pink flanks with certain objects that I know are illegal in a few states, and then she was gonna lick him in spots I knew couldn’t be healthy, and then she was gonna do things to those spots with other objects I knew I could never, ever look at again without shivering. I knew I would never be the same, healthy, young Tangers I was before. How could someone do stuff like that!

Parker didn’t answer her at first, we were all just sorta looking at each other and blinking. Finally Keaner grinned and said, "Ah, I’ve seen worse!"

Weall laughed, albeit a bit nervously and Parker went back to the keyboard.

HarleyDudeParker: Wow, what else will u do? I’ve seen worse.

"Dammit!" Parker said, "She’s being difficult!"

"Just give her the spanking," Patty said with a shrug as he peeled a banana and promptly bit off half the fruit.

"Yeah!" Parker said with a lusty growl, "I’ll give it her good!"

I frowned. I didn’t understand this whole cyber world. Spanking? But he was here and she was, well God knows where. It seemed silly to me.

"Wait!" Keaner said. "If you give it to her now just cause she told you to, then that means you’re the wussy! Even if you are giving it to her, she’s the one who’s in charge!"

Oh heavens! I thought.

"Yeah!" Parker said, this time with an angry growl. "I’m the one in charge!"

HarleyDudeParker: Grrrrr! I’m in charge here, and u don’t get nuttin til you beg!

"Shit, lots!" Parker growled.

"I wanna hear more," Trep said, "I’m getting ideas here!"
"Don’t give in!" Keaner giggled.

HarleyDudeParker: Talk! You dirty whore!

Parker looked up at Foppa and the rest of the guys.

"Just do it," I said when he looked at me. "I mean, she already say stuff to you, it’s only fair to do the same back, no?"

Parker smiled at me and Foppers patted me on the back. "Good one kid," Peter said. "Didn’t know you had it in you!"

I rolled my eyes.

Cracking his knuckles and taking a deep breath , Parker attacked his keyboard and what followed was a very silly exchange between GothicCyberSlut and HarleyDudeParker in which he described tying her to different beds in twisty positions and she reciprocated by telling him what she could do with him and several large dogs. I gagged at the thought and it got worse! Even Foppa was cringing and Pascal kept breathing heavily and saying, "Mon Dieu," while Patty kept giggling like a twelve year old with a Playboy. I know at some point that someone’s hand clutched my left butt cheek but when I squeaked and brushed it away looking for the perpetrator, I only saw Keaner and Trep and Foppa. I didn’t want to know who did it, ever!

Finally after the two cyber lovers exhausted every sexual position possible except for a normal God-ordained one on a bed, it seemed like it was over.

"Wow!" Patty said, "That was amazing!"

The other guys exhaled in agreement. I could only shake my head.

"I gotta know what she looks like!" Peter laughed wiping some sweat off his forehead. "Get that picture from her!"

HarleyDudeParker: C’mon hunny, give me that pic.

Weall looked at each other and shook our heads. After all that they had done in cyber world and Parks had still forgotten to spank her! I laughed and Parker clunked his head into his thick hands. "Ooooh," he groaned.

GothicCyberSlut: Awrite hunny if ur gonna cry about it!

The little flag on Scotty’s e-mail went up and I haveta admit, I was a little excited to see what she would look like. I mean I was just curious! I could tell everyone was holding their breath a bit as he opened the e-mail and the picture began to appear slowly in the mail. It was kinda dark at first, and real grainy, in that way a picture is on the computer when it’s appearing digital block by digital block. And then it materialized, and all of us gasped, and maybe I woulda screamed but I was too shocked. It was a full blown picture of Chris Drury, smiling with that round face of his and winking.

GothicCyberSlut: Tell me Chris Drury is a Hawk-ey Gawd and then I’ll show u my real pic!

We were all silent for a moment, just a moment when the reality sunk in and we looked up to the other end of the airplane and Chris was turned towards us, leaning his chin on the back of the seat, smiling and waving to us. Blakie was standing next to him, his hands on his hips and he was red-faced and laughing.

I couldn’t believe it! Scotty Parker had just been tricked into cyber-sex with Chris Drury!

Trepanier was the first one to start laughing, "Aye! Parkie you and Chris just doggie-styled on a marble staircase!"

There was a loud squeak from Foppa like a balloon being deflated. I looked at Parker, he was an odd mixture of pale and red, I knew Dru didn’t have long to live. He better be enjoying his moment, every last drop of it.

Patty was squinting and scratching his chin, "Hmmm, and Blakie too," he said thoughtfully and he flipped a long lock of shaggy hair from his face. "That would explain all the cyber eye licking."

Slowly, Parker stood up, he was getting redder and redder and redder, worse than the time when Dru slashed his laces and Parker got his revenge by holding his boa snake over his face.

"Oh the kid is cooked!" Patty said as Parker pushed him aside and began to slowly make his way towards Drury down the aisle of seats.

"Shame," said Trep, "Such a talent, gone to waste."

Drury was laughing for a few seconds more before Parker got closer to him, and then the fear slowly spread on his face. He had seen the murder in Scotty’s eyes and when he ducked behind tall lumberjack Robbie for protection, I was irresistibly reminded of the time when Dommie Hasek had skated across the ice to get at Patty and when he got there, he instead decided to hang onto a ref for dear life. I giggled when I saw Drury’s terrified eye peeking through the crook of Blakie’s arm.

"Hey, Scotty," I cried, "Keep it quiet! The captain is trying to sleep!"

"I can do it quiet," Parker growled.

There was a terrified moan from behind Robbie and all Blakie did was laugh.

"Oooh this is gonna be good," Patty said.

I had to agree.

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