Links to other sites on the Web
Chapter Page
Previous Chapter
Character Page
A/N: Special, special thanks to Jadzia for her ideas on this chapter!! Merci Beau Coup!!
Chapter 15: Tangers II or The Affair of the Gift Baskets Part 1
I was down for a nap before Joe was, it was way too hot to even want to do anything outside! I think it was a hundred degrees or something, real desert weather. I knew if I stepped outside at high noon, that my skin would fry off my bones. I can’t help it! I’m French!
Joe, on the other hand, he’s my roommate, and he tans real well, so he was out and about. I was lying face first on the bed, watching some sort of weird Arizona beetle crawling around the carpet, crawling around my hand that was dangling there. It was kind of cool! It was big and black with red spots on it. I was too tired to think that it might bite or something, and I drifted off to sleep.
I had a real disturbing dream, something about the Roy kids tying me down to a toy railroad track, and I was the size of their Jeremy Roenick hockey doll, and Jonathen was laughing like a maniac and he had the toy train loaded with his father’s Stanley Cup Rings and it was coming faster and faster and before it hit me it turned into a big plate of Michele’s spaghetti and meatballs and I was covered in sauce and...and....
I woke up briefly when Joe came back into the room, just enough to know he was there. Within the minute, my idol of idols was snoring on his twin bed, he never even bothered to watch TV or anything like that. Joe always hit the sack and snored, even though he had got those breathe-right strips, he always snored. I think I did too....not my fault, I have small nasal passages. In fact most everyone on the team either has large noses or broken ones, we probably snored the roof off the place.
I didn’t dream of anything else as I slept some more. When I woke up again I could tell that it was later in the day and I was really, really, hungry. If a hockey player knows one thing, it’s dinnertime. I could hear the shower in the bathroom hissing, and I could feel the hot steam wafting from underneath the door. Joe was taking a shower.
I sat up and yawned. The one thing I loved about hotel showers was that the hot water never ran out. So as soon as Joe was done I planned on having a shower of my own.
That’s when there was a knock at the door. I sighed as I crawled out of bed and hiking up my boxers that were starting to slip down my waist, I opened the door. I was almost horrified to see a man dressed like a big, teddy bear, with a huge basket of sausages and cheeses in his big, teddy bear paws. "Special delivery for Mr. Joe Sakic."
the big, teddy bear said. "Are you Mr. Joe Sakic?"
I breathed in through my mouth and looked at the big sausages in the basket. Were they worth getting Joe out of his shower? I heard Joe start chortling in a tuneless rendition of "Moon River". I grimaced. "Yah," I said. "I’m Mr. Joe Sakic."
The big, teddy bear handed me the basket and then held out a clipboard. "Sign here, Sir," he said.
I plopped the basket onto the carpet, my fingers getting tangled briefly in the big, velvet brown gift-bow on it. Was it legal for me to sign Joey’s name on a gift-basket? Probably not, but I guess guys have done worse things.
"Here you go," I said, reddening and trying to smile.
The big, teddy bear leaned over, groaning as he reached into a canvas bag and he pulled out a real cute, real fluffy, stuffed teddy bear with a red bow around its neck. I smiled, Debbie must have done this! How sweet!
"Here is a bear for you to squeeze," said the big, teddy bear, "Press his tummy and he will sneeze. If you want joy for those you love, remember our store, Bears From Above."
With that, the bear bowed, using his paw to keep his taped horn-rim glasses on his face, and then he shuffled away, muttering something about needing a cigarette. I shrugged and then looked at the cute bear. I pressed its tummy and "ahchoo" it sneezed! I giggled and pushed it again.
I picked up the basket and looked at it again. It was full of mouth watering items, it must have been real expensive. I could see crackers, and caviar and sausages and cheeses. My stomach roared. I wanted a gift too!
I looked up at the bathroom where the water was still hissing and Joe was now singing "New York, New York".
I picked up the basket and arranged it nicely on the bed, and that’s when the little gift card fell off it and onto the sheets.
"Dah dah da da da, Duh dah dah da da da!" Joe sang from "New York, New York".
I grinned and picked up the card, I’ll just have a little peek! I flipped up the top of the envelope and saw the glossy cardboard of the card. Oooooh!
That’s when there was another knock at the door. I frowned.
My mouth fell open when I opened the door. There were two ladies glaring at each other, wearing distinctly different uniforms, each holding a huge gift basket with huge bows on them. "Special gift for Joe Sakic!" both of the women said at the same time, and then they glared at each other.
"Uhhh....I," I said, "I’m Mr. Sakic."
One of the ladies handed me a gift basket and the other one narrowed her eyes and looked at me, "You are not!" she snapped. "You’re Alex Tanguay!"
I shrugged. "He’s my roomie, you want me to sign for it or not?"
I dropped both baskets on the bed and looked at them, all sparkling in their crinkled gift plastic. Did Debbie do something wrong? I thought.
One of the baskets was all bananas and apples and fruits and it smelled like fresh apples. Mmmmmm! And the other basket was full of lollipops and jams and fruit butters and crackers. I shook my head, this was beautiful!!
"New Yooooooooooooooork!"
I looked back towards the bathroom, how many verses were in that song anyway? I wanted Joe to come out and see this bounty and ask me to share it! Argh! I picked up the teddy bear and squeezed its tummy again. Heehee, that would never get old!
There was another knock at the door. Eh?
Less than a minute later, I was holding another gift basket, wrapped in brown paper and smelling of fresh warm bread, herbs, and butters. This was insane! Had I gone to hell? Was Joe gonna sing "New York" forever? Was I to be forever hungry smelling this food. Was this Patty’s idea for me stealing his spaghetti and......... My blood went cold at that moment.
Patty! He would do something like that. He would tell Joe he would order the gift-baskets, and then Joe would hog them so I would suffer in hunger all because I ate his damn spaghetti and meatballs that he doesn’t appreciate anyway!! Aaaaah!
I stopped and held my breath for a moment. I knew I must have been hungry ‘cause I was getting paranoid. Sheesh!
I had to lay my suspicions to rest. I snatched one of the little cards off a basket and opened the envelope. Before I could read the card, there was another knock at the door. Un-bee-leeve-a-bull!
I hate to admit it, but I screamed like a woman when I opened the door. Standing in the doorway was a skinny woman with huge hooters wearing a satin red outfit in the style of a French Maid, and everything was too small for her. Her hair was all curled and twisted above her head, she had nothing but heavy lipstick and eye-makeup, fishnet stockings and wobbly stiletto heels. She looked bored and damn, she looked fine! Also she was holding in her hands....what else...a gift basket. "Joe Sakic?" she said, shaping her luscious lips around the words like they were delicious plums.
"Yup," I said without hesitation. The lady lifted an eyebrow and looked me over, and then she leaned forward grabbing half of my butt with one of her red clawed hands, and with the other she cupped my chin. "Eeeep!" I squeaked.
"Special delivery," she whispered, "From that someone special."
I was trembling and blushing as I signed for the basket and brought it back into the room. Did I want to peek inside this one? I shivered.
That’s it! I thought, I was going to look at the damn cards!
Joe had just finished "New York, New York" and was now beginning "Tomorrow" from "Annie".
I sat back in shock as I looked at the pile of cards and empty envelopes around me. Each one of the cards was signed, "Love, Modo". Modo? Modo? Mike Modano? He had sent Joe all of these baskets?
"Wow," I whispered to myself, "I guess Patty wasn’t joking."
What would Joe think of all this? Patty said that Joe didn’t know and that he shouldn’t know. After all, Joe already had too many things on his mind to worry about. He didn’t need to be thinking about a "Fatal Attraction" from Mike Modano. I shivered. That was a scary movie.......Someone actually letting Glenn Close give him a blow job in an elevator? Ewwwww!
I shook the thought out of my head and put my mind back to the problem at hand. Joe couldn’t know about these gift baskets, I had to get rid of these so he would never know. I needed help! Joe could only sing showtunes in a shower for so long!
I burst out of the hotel room, not even bothering to get a robe on so I was just in my boxers and ivory skin, and ran all the way to Patty and Footer’s hotel room. I noticed with some worry that I had passed a whole lot of people walking down the hallway who were carrying gift baskets. Was this man insane!!!!
"Patty! Patty!" I yelled as I kicked in the hotel door to my surprise. As soon as I burst into the room, Patty and Footie yelped and rolled off their beds, landing on top of each other in a heap of tangled man-flesh.
"Don’t touch me!" Patty screamed, he sounded scared.
"What the hell!" Footie yelled.
"Both of you listen!" I cried. "This is important!"
Patty sat up, his left eye fluttering and his nose wrinkled. "What, Alex," he sniffed. "We just got to sleep here!"
"I know, I know!" I yelled, and then I jumped on the bed, grabbing Patty by the collar of his white T-shirt with both of my hands, I yanked his face to within inches of my own. "You’ve gotta help me! Modo is trying to get to Joe.........through GIFT BASKETS!!!!!!!!! We haveta get rid of them if Joe hasn’t already got outta the shower!"
"That’s all I need to hear!" roared Foote as he dashed out of the hotel-room, running at top speed.
Patty frowned with half of his mouth when there was a shrill scream from down the hallway. "He sleeps naked," Patty said.
Foote came slinking back into the room, gnawing sheepishly on his bottom lip and his cheeks red. "That wasn’t a good move," he said quietly.
Patty laughed and threw Foote’s jeans at him. "Get dressed, Footie," he said. "We gotta go!"
Links to other sites on the Web
Chapter Page
Previous Chapter
Character Page