Chapter 243: Modo XII—The Smile of a Friend
“Hey Modo, wait up!”
Mike raised his eyebrows and noticed Alex Tanguay jogging after him from across the parking lot. The kid had a smile on his face. Modano felt a smile on his face, a sort of automatic one that he had kept prepared for when anyone talked to him. Otherwise he tried to look away from his teammates, not to be reminded of Joe’s nearness, of anyone’s nearness. He couldn’t snub the kid, though.
“Yeah?” he said.
Alex stopped when he got to him and nodded. “Got a minute?”
Modano nodded. “Sure,” he said, “What’s on your mind, Alex?”
Tanguay smiled, what a cute, doughy smile he had! Modano shook it out of his mind. “Hey,” he said, “I you’re the first one not to call me Sport or Tiger like Joey does. Thanks!”
Modano frowned. “They call you that?”
Tanguay nodded. “Yeah they all do, well all except Patty. He just calls me kid.”
“Wow I didn’t notice it,” Modano said. “Jeez what kind of shit am I?”
“Actually,” Alex replied, “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
Modano felt hurt. “What kind of shit I am?” he asked.
Tanguay laughed, again flashing his cute smile, cute little teeth and round cheeks. “No!” he said. “I didn’t mean that. No I meant that you seem so lonely and you keep to yourself so much. You’re not being mean or sullen or anything like that you know but, you know I am a little worried about you.”
Modano swallowed. Christ! The kid had a really adorable accent. “I am a little lonely,” he said and felt vulnerable and empty after he had said it.
Tanguay nodded. “Look, we spoke about this before and I know that, well I know how you feel in a way.”
Modano swallowed again. “You do?” he said with a choke.
Tanguay nodded. “Sure,” he said. “Sure I do. I mean, I’ve been single for a long time now, and all the hanging out with friends can only go so far, you know? You begin to feel uncomfortable being with them, so I know your situation.”
Modano grimaced. “Sure,” he said.
“Look,” Tanguay said. “I really want to help you but I don’t know if I should talk about it with you right here in the parking lot. Could I meet you somewhere for lunch tomorrow or something? I mean if that’s okay with you eh?”
Modano quickly looked away from the kid, felt a longing in his chest. He saw Joe, in all his perfection, Joe who was icy and distant and for everything he did he never tried to contact him. He saw Joe with his arm over his wife’s shoulders. He looked back at Alex. “Yeah,” he said. “Tomorrow, lunch sounds great. How about that one restaurant downtown, the one that serves all the great Chinese Food.”
Alex smiled, with an adorable… perhaps adoring smile? “Great, it’s a date he said, see ya then.”
“You look like you lost a monkey off yer back Modo,” Muller said to Modano as he entered the apartment. “What’s up?”
Modano felt a real smile. “I don’t know,” Mike said. “I feel good.”
Muller lifted his eyebrows. “We just lost another fucking game, why are you feeling good?”
“I’m a freak okay?” Modano said.
“Heh,” Muller replied.
Alex Tanguay was young, he was vibrant, and he had so much going for him. Modano had never heard any rumors about the kid being gay! He had never assumed it, but it was obvious wasn’t it? Alex was attracted to him, he had that smile and those eyes followed him with such concern. Modano wondered if that’s how he used to look at Brett. Would it be right?
Perhaps Alex was inexperienced with men; perhaps he wanted him to be the first. Modano thought about that. He felt special in a way. Now he was the experienced one, but would it be fair?
Modano felt his loneliness was obvious. It was eating him away inside. The hollowness it created inside him was intense and he knew he cried far too much, especially at night. And here was this kid, with an obvious crush, smiling at him and expressing concern for his welfare. Something inside him told him that it would be wrong to take advantage of the kid.
I love Joe! Mike thought. I would be lying if I gave Alex the impression that I could be more to him than what I know I cannot give. It would be wrong to use him.
Perhaps the pain he felt now was only being intensified by the horrendous winless streak they were on. The team as a whole had now plummeted to third in the division, everyone knew the weight of loss and it didn’t seem to matter which goaltender was in net. Things weren’t working. Mike knew that there was an intense frustration in that that could make the most mundane things seem as if they were worse than they really were.
I’ll see him tomorrow. Mike thought as he hugged his feather pillow close to his chest. I’ll see Alex tomorrow and explain all of this to him. I’ll let him down easy; it will be the best thing for him and for me. He’ll thank me for it later.
Mike was a
very punctual sort of person and he was at P.F. Chang’s at
Mike drank down the rest of his water when he saw the kid’s round smile. He almost choked on an ice cube as he put his glass down. Alex was dressed in a pair of dark slacks and a thick blue sweater that only deepened the hue of his eyes. The sweater also made Tanguay look extremely cuddly and huggable, like a teddy bear.
Oh God! Mike thought, there is no way I can break this kid’s heart! It’s obvious he is a sensitive soul, like me!
“Hey. Modo,” Alex said, “Sorry I’m late I got stuck helping Michele fix the bathtub.”
Michele? Modano thought. What did that whore have to do with Alex! “Fix the bathtub?” Mike asked.
Alex nodded as he sat down and picked up a menu. “Yeah,” he said. “The bathtub in Jana’s room wouldn’t drain and it was making weird noises. So she didn’t know what to do or want to do it or something, I don’t know. I tried some Draino it seemed to work.”
Modano nodded. The kid was babbling! He was nervous, how cute was that?
“Yeah,” Alex continued, “I told her a week ago to call the plumber. I don’t know why she won’t. I mean they’ve had plumbing problems before and the guy that fixes it does a pretty good job so she might as well you know?”
Mike frowned. “He can’t be a very good plumber if it keeps going out on them. They use the same guy?”
Alex nodded. “Yeah, but see it’s tree roots, you know? They grow long and… well it’s winter so they wouldn’t be growing that long and Jana’s room is on the second floor…. I see your point Modo.”
Modano nodded and he felt a smile on his mouth, he was helping Alex feel more comfortable now, and that was important.
“I should call Michele and tell her to get a new plumber, thanks Modo.” Alex said.
Mike felt his smile suddenly grow awkward when he realized there was really nothing else to say without addressing the real problem at hand, the one hanging in the air between them. He was about to open his mouth to say it when he was grateful to the waiter for coming to take their food orders. It made for a respite.
They were mostly through the appetizer when Mike decided that he couldn’t let it go any longer. It was heart breaking though, Alex was so adorably happy looking as his cheeks were full of steamed dumplings and he was just barely able to chew. Mike let it roll in his stomach for a while longer and then it was Alex who broke the silence first.
“Hey Mike,” he said. “There is something I really need to talk to you about.”
“Alex,” Mike said. He raised his hand. “Look, you don’t need to go any further, I know what it is.”
Alex’s eyes were wide. “You do?” he said. “How?”
Mike nodded. “It’s not hard to tell,” he said,
Alex frowned; he was even more adorable frowning. “It isn’t?” he asked.
Mike took a sip of water. “Yeah, and I want to tell you, that you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into are you? I mean this is a tough decision and the role that we play, it’s hard to hide especially for a locker room. So if you’re just curious, if you’re not sure, then it would be best if you didn’t take the next step. I’m flattered and all but, Alex, you might not be ready for what kind of world it can be.”
God I’m good! Mike thought.
Alex’s eyes were wide. “What?” he gasped.
Oh I’ve done it, I’ve hurt him, Mike thought with some despair.
Then Alex blinked. “Oh Modo noo! No! I mean,” he said. “I didn’t mean that I was… no I didn’t mean that at all. Not that I’m not flattered I mean… oooo!”
Mike grimaced. Oh shit! He thought. How could I have read him wrong?
“Mike..” Alex said and he blushed.
Mike nodded. “Oh yeah, that’s not what I meant, I’m sorry if you got the impression.”
Alex swallowed. “Oh,” he said. “Well, see… now that that’s out of the way.”
“What did you want to tell me?” Mike said, trying to change the subject. He actually felt a little disappointed now; the kid was not at all interested in him. Not only was he lonely, he was delusional.
Alex grimaced. “Now don’t get mad at me.”
Oh great! Mike thought.
“See,” Alex said. “I remember what you said in the locker room about Phil Keating.”
Mike frowned. “The news reporter?”
“Yeah, you said he was cute and everything,” Alex said.
Mike nodded. “Yeah?” he said in a slow voice.
Alex nodded. “And you being so lonely, I mean you need to get your mind off the bad things. And say no if you want, I mean I understand completely. But I called Phil, and he’s well, he’s interested in.” Alex blushed again. “He thinks you’re really attractive and wouldn’t mind it if you called him up, and don’t think I’m joking to be mean cause I’m not like that! So if you hate me now or want to say no that is completely within your rights.”
Mike was stunned for the most part, he could only blink and stare at the squirming Alex Tanguay before he finally sighed loudly and took a drink of water. “Sure,” he said. “Why not, it might be fun.”
The smile on Alex’s face was adorable and almost melted Modano’s heart and then he looked at it now and realized that it had always been the smile of a friend.
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