Chapter 227: Joey X—In the Dark
It was black. When Joe tried to remember it, he could not bring up a visual image of when it happened only the sounds, screams, a screech of tires and twisting metal and the clank of broken glass. There was a moment of airless confusion and then the body realizing that it was in great pain. Joe opened his eyes and saw the world only in soft whites and grays, heard only a ringing in his ears, but the blood was bright red, crimson and dribbling and dripping, and his mind was drifting, remembering how sweet she smelled and how soft her skin was.
The news was on and Joe had glanced at it as he walked past the television set. There were aerial photographs of a multiple car wreck outside of the Eisenhower Tunnel. Little cars strewn like broken toys, a bus, a semi, toppled and twisted, gnarled as if chewed by a puppy. Images like that never failed to bring the sounds back to Joe’s senses, but he could never recall the initial sights.
The back of the bus was always were children wanted to sit the most. It was the coolest spot to sit and if you had status, if you were someone who meant anything, you sat in the back. In the back of the bus the driver never saw you, nor did the teachers or any other adult interfere with whatever you did in the back. It was a place of power, where you could plot and scheme and joke and look at dirty magazines and the adults were in the dark, always in the dark.
Joe sniffed and left the room. He never cried about it, he didn’t like to waste himself over crying. Outside of concussions he was quite proud of his ability to hold back. The last thing Debbie would ever need would be the ghosts in his brain to worry her and snare her into fears she didn’t need.
Aw come on you fucker I know you’re cheating, aye? You had that up your sleeve aye?
Naw I didn’t aye? I don’t cheat you know, I don’t cheat…
Joe played cards with the guys sometimes, especially on the plane rides; it was a standard, simple way of passing the time. The French players never played unless there was money involved and even then, the French players never won. But Joe never played on the team bus, he could never bring himself to look at cards on the team bus. Sometimes he would close his eyes on the bus when a card game was going on and try to fall asleep so he wouldn’t have to hear it, but it only made things worse. Because when his eyes were closed and in the dark, it only amplified the sounds of the game, it only brought it back.
I don’t cheat my friend.
Come on Patty you cheated!
It never worked to close your eyes.
“Hey honey,” her voice soft and in his ear.
Closing the eyes here, well that was different. He inhaled her, devoured her with his senses. Her arms slid around him from behind and he grabbed one of her hands, and kissed it.
“What’s on your mind aye?” She said.
In the dark he used to chase her in his dreams, as he slept, as he closed his eyes and tried to keep that time to himself in the locker room. She was a wispy, delicate angel that he didn’t want to break, and he would chase her. She would smile at him and sometimes it felt as if he would lose her forever, and he knew he wouldn’t even cry.
“Not much,” he said quietly. He opened his eyes and was amazed at how normal she actually was. She had blushing cheeks, a large mouth which without lipstick was sometimes rather colorless, sometimes she was too thin. She was not an angel she was a woman of flesh and flaws and he was allowed to touch her. He didn’t have to chase her in the dark, she lay there, quiet and inviting, desiring, and lusty. She wanted him to find her.
“You’re looking pensive you know,” Debbie said. “Almost gruff.”
Joe smiled. “You’re imagining things.”
Debbie rolled her eyes and ran her fingers through his hair, messed it up. “Loosen up your hair hon,” she said in a motherly voice. “You wear it so tight!”
She is mine! Joe thought and he enveloped her in his arms, pulled her to his body and kissed her. He could feel his pulse explode and his desire flower and he tried to maneuver her to the couch.
“Hon the children are in the next room,” Debbie gasped, there was a slight giggle to her voice and Joe took it as permission. He grunted and slid his hand under her shirt and over her warm, burning tummy. “Hon!” Debbie gasped again and she pushed his hand away. Joe was determined however and he tried to tug her again. “NO!”
In the instant his bubble popped and he let her go. She hadn’t screamed at him, she had not snapped at him, there had been no anger in her voice, only something desperate, almost fearful. He had heard a NO like that before, he had heard the girls who had said it, their faces dripping tears and make up. No he was not supposed to scare Debbie like that, she was never supposed to know a fear like that not even for an instant.
“Jesus Joe,” Debbie said, her face blotched with red and pale and she tucked her shirt back into her pants. She smiled at him, there was no anger, and there was no tears only a breathy laugh. “Hon the kids, we gotta think about this things huh?”
Joe felt his cheeks redden and he scratched his head. “Sure,” he said.
Debbie tilted her head to one side. “I love ya and all hon, but… Don’t get me wrong I want you, but what is it? Suddenly you’re so lusty and hungry, almost as if you’ve never seen a woman before. You’ve never been like this what’s going on?”
Joe shrugged. “I’ve been in the dark too long. That’s all.”
Debbie’s eyes twinkled. “Nice to meet you.”
Aw come on you fucker I know you’re cheating, aye? You had that up your sleeve aye?
Naw I didn’t aye? I don’t cheat you know, I don’t cheat…
Joe yawned and opened his eyes, squinted angrily towards the back of the bus. He usually sat at the back of the bus, today he hadn’t been in the mood to. He had let the other boys sit there. He wanted to nap, not be concerned with the goings on in the back of the bus. He had closed his eyes, was napping somewhat but there was a card game going on in the back of the bus, and apparently someone was cheating or someone was being a poor loser.
Naw I saw you cheatin aye? You’re a cheater? Aye? Aye?
Naw I’m not you’re a bad loser, Coach says bad losers are worse than shit piles on the road!
Coach never said that he never cusses aye?
Sure he does he cusses all the time! He cusses at Sheldon all day, you ain’t heard it?
Liar…
Joe wrinkled his nose and slid down lower in his seat.
You shit! This ain’t even the same card! Lookit the back of the card aye! You are a cheater you dumb fuck you couldn’t even use a card from a like deck!
There was laughter loud and high. Joe grinned. Wasn’t even smart enough to cheat with a similar looking card. He didn’t open his eyes, however, he was sleepy, he wanted to nap. He wanted to dream and maybe Debbie would be in it like she had been last night. She was an angel in gauzy skirts, no blouse, just pure, soft skin and perfect breasts, innocent eyes and a large smile. She was better than the other girls, the dirty girls and the desperate girls.
When he came home maybe he would get her alone and maybe she would let him. Maybe she wouldn’t be scared and he would let her know that he wouldn’t treat her like a piece of dirt afterwards. Maybe he should wait longer.
Some of his teammates asked about her, why hadn’t he properly introduced her or brought her to any of the parties? Coach James asked about her too, seemed concerned about her. If she was a nice girl, did he think it was right of him to spend so much time with her, exposing her to such ruffians? James used words like that a lot, ruffians and bric a brac. He was like an old lady, scared to even come into the locker room when they were showering and changing. If one of the boys approached him even partially clad he would turn away.
No he wasn’t in the mood to think about the coach.
There was a sound like a squeal that wouldn’t end. There was a crash that sounded almost like the strike of a bowling ball against pins. The impact, the pain, the blood in his mouth. Joe couldn’t remember how he was standing on the frozen street. He was staring at the wreckage of the team bus, it was smoking.
Joe was standing and his arms were crossed over his chest. His body was hurting but already he could tell he was not injured badly. He didn’t listen to anyone who tried to talk to him as he hobbled down the length of the wreckage, stared at it. When he got to the back of the bus is when he saw the cards scattered over the street, blowing in the light breeze. Red Bicycle cards and he saw an ace with a blue backing, it didn’t belong to this deck and it lifted on the wind and danced away.
He’s dead.
Joe looked down the road, saw the crumbled bodies, pale and bloody and twisted like dolls on a little girl’s floor. There was a man there, he had a pale, slim wrist in his hand, he was looking for a pulse and Joe could tell by the distorted angle of the boy’s neck that the boy was dead.
That was my seat. Joe thought. Debbie, I’m not meant to leave you behind, ever.
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