He hadn’t called. This didn’t bother Josefina all that much. She didn’t
try to call him either. Jo had never been a creature that enjoyed phone
conversations like others did. It had been a major impediment to her when she
was a youth because girls she tried to maintain friendships with were almost
always miffed at her wariness of the phone. Jo just didn’t trust the phone, not
being able to see the face of the person she was talking
to.
Men were like that. Men simply didn’t like phone conversations. Jo
understood it and so in the end she wasn’t at all interested in whether Peter
would call or not.
While Peter was gone, Jo had called her father in
“It’s nothing, Dad,” Jo had sighed. “Please I just need this time for
myself! I’ve never flaked out on you before, please just let me have this!
Anthony would be more than happy to take this job over, just give it to him.
I’ll give him all the paperwork, I’ll give him everything, it’ll work
out.”
“You really care about him?” Her father had finally said. “He’s really
got your number?”
Jo closed her eyes, tasting, hearing and smelling him all over again.
“You could say that, I guess.”
She could hear her father take a deep breath. “Fine, fine,” he said.
“After all these years my Jolita finally finds her equal. If he hurts you
though, I’m gonna come all the way...”
“Dad!” Josefina interrupted. “I know! I get it, he’s not gonna hurt
me.”
“Do you need some money?” her father had said. “Anything at
all?”
“No,” Jo replied. “No my checking account is fine. I don’t need
anything.”
Peter had caught a ride with one of his teammates to the airport when he
left on the roadtrip so Josefina knew that she needn’t pick him up. He hadn’t
even asked her if she would. Truthfully, she didn’t know when he would be back.
She didn’t watch any of the games and she didn’t want to care about
them.
Mimi and Debbie had come over once the day before with a delicious
chicken soup and companionship. Jo had been so grateful to see them that she
broke down crying the minute she opened the door. How beautiful was that that
they care enough to come see her! What had she ever done for
them?
“Ooo don’t cry too much!” Mimi had sighed immediately grabbing her in a
sweet scented hug. “It isn’t good for the little one inside. Why are you
crying?”
Jo couldn’t answer; she could only hold onto the woman’s skinny body and
just will her warmth and kindness into her. She couldn’t explain it, but she’d
only met Mimi a few times and already she felt swept off her feet every time she
spoke with her.
“Has Peter done anything?” Debbie exclaimed hugging her from behind. “If
he has then I’ll tell Joe to...”
What was it and second party death threats against Peter these days? Jo
thought and beside herself she laughed and stepped out of the hug. “Noo,” she
said wiping at her cheeks and feeling stupid for her behavior and glad that her
make up was water proof. “No Peter hasn’t done anything... maybe I’m a little
lonely.”
“Aw Hon,” Debbie said patting Jo on the back. “That’s why we’re here! See
I knew you needed us.”
“I haven’t talked to Peter yet,” Jo said. “I still don’t know what he
thinks.”
“What?” Mimi exclaimed her pale eyes flashing. “You mean he hasn’t called
you?”
Debbie quickly took the large bowl of soup from Mimi’s hands and set it
on the table. “Have you called him?” Debbie asked.
Jo shook her head. “We don’t talk on the phone much. I think that’s the
only way we can get some space.”
After eating the soup Jo felt so much better and the ladies convinced her
that she needed to shop. They spent a few hours wandering the mall and browsing
over clothes. She wouldn’t be able to fit into them soon. Josefina didn’t quite
know what she thought of that, actually swelling out of her clothes. How would
Peter look at her?
Josefina went to bed that night, between sheets that smelled like him.
What was he thinking? What was he doing? She felt a slight twinge of pain at her
waist and sat up in the dark room, blinking, and her pulse
racing.
Josefina was wide-awake at three in the morning when she heard the door
open and heavy footsteps, and male voices.
“Got it?” a man said.
“Yup,” she heard and recognized Peter’s quick reply. “Yeah I got
everything, thanks man.”
“Not a problem, hey, we’re here if you need anything, got
it?”
“Thanks.”
Josefina curled her knees up under the blankets and she closed her eyes
as Peter came into the room. She heard his footsteps abruptly stop. “Honey?” he
said. “You awake?”
Josefina squinted. “You can turn on the light.”
She listened to him as he crossed the room and she could feel the cold
early morning air misting off his warm body as he flicked on the little lamp by
the bed. There he was, gorgeous as ever, red haired, pale eyes. It was odd,
seeing as she had been staying in his apartment the entire time but she had had
a feeling that she’d never see him again. His eyebrows were a bit lowered and
straight, and he didn’t quite make great eye contact with her as he sat on the
bed next to her, his side pressing into her legs.
“I’m...” he said but he didn’t finish it. He pressed his body against her
in a hug and Jo inhaled him, absorbed him, kissed him
softly.
“I’ve missed you,” she whispered and Peter suddenly broke away from her,
standing now. Jo felt a slight flush of panic and the pain inside her returned,
the empty hollowed pain. She couldn’t bear to lose him
now.
“Look,” he said and he left the room. She could hear the rustling of
plastic and Peter came back in with a large plastic bag. She could see there was
something in there. “I saw this... I’ve been thinking,” he continued. “At first
I was mad, look hon I’m really sorry that I was it was so fucking selfish of me!
And dammit I was confused, nothing like this has ever happened
before.”
Josefina pressed her palm over her breast, her breath
short.
“Yesterday, before the game, I was with Patty, we were just you know,
walking around and wasting some time before we had to report in,” Peter said,
“And I saw this pretty little Chinese woman and she was sitting with her baby at
this bench in the mall. The baby was crying and it was so noisy and round... it
looked like a doll. And...”
“Peter!” Jo interrupted trying to stop him.
“No, no, listen!” Peter exclaimed in an eager voice. “The woman was
having a lot of trouble opening this box it was all taped down. So Patty, he
went over to her and used this little Swiss knife to open it for her. And there
was this bear in it, it was so cute and fluffy, and when you push on its tummy
it starts playing ocean noises. So she gave it to the baby and would you believe
it, the baby stopped crying!
“It was amazing. I didn’t know babies could just stop crying like that. I
mean it hurt to see it, Jo. I could see how happy that mother was and the baby
was so cute with that bear and she didn’t have a wedding ring. I realized that
she’s raising that baby by herself and she couldn’t even open a toy for the kid!
And...”
Peter stopped talking and
the pain in Jo’s body continued to intensify as he pulled a blond, fluffy bear
out of the bag.
“The lady said that the store she got it from was called “Bears From
Above” so we went there and... well...” Peter pushed in the tummy of the bear
and immediately it started to whoosh out recorded ocean sounds. He didn’t look
at her, he just sat back down on the bed and he pressed the adorable bear to her
tummy.
“Oh Peter!” Jo whispered feeling tears itching at her
throat.
“It’s called ‘Mommy Bear’,” Peter said, “It’s a cool place they have like
Burpie Bear and Sneezy Bear and...”
“Peter I started bleeding last evening,” Jo said
quickly.
This time she looked in Peter’s eyes and saw the almost absolute horror
there. It seemed to be all that she could do for him lately was horrify him.
“What?” he whispered and his cheeks reddened.
“Peter I was only two weeks gone,” she said quietly, “It happens
sometimes I guess, it just bleeds out like a period.”
I’m so sorry! Jo thought.
“But...” Peter said. “The doctor? The team has a gynecologist he works
after hours...”
“I know,” Jo said in a high breathy voice she knew was fighting a
complete breakdown. “Debbie took me to him when I called her. He said that I was
just bleeding it out...”
“Couldn’t he stop it!” Peter exclaimed, standing up and holding his arms
out. “Couldn’t he?”
“No!” Jo snapped, “No! You can’t just reverse it. The body does what it
sees fit!”
“But the baby!” Peter said in a whining, pleading tone, “But the baby! He
can’t save it?”
“No,” Jo said as calmly as she could not wanting Peter to completely
freak out. She was almost thinking that he would have been relieved to hear it.
It was obvious the way he was panicking, and with the bear at her body, what he
had been wanting. “No he couldn’t stop it. All I can do is wait it
out.”
Peter fell to his knees at the side of the bed, looking almost like a
praying child. The tears were beginning to well up and drip from his eyes, his
lips trembling. Jo leaned on him, pressing him to her body, squishing the most
beautiful present she had ever been given in-between them.
“I’m so sorry, Peter,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have told you
anything, I should have waited. You shouldn’t have had to go through this,
please don’t cry.”
“No,” Peter said and his arms went around her. “Don’t apologize.” His
voice went silent and she could hear him struggling with his tears. “I have to
go through this with you. I don’t want you to be alone again, ever! Not if I’m
here!”
He crawled into the bed with her, lying on top of the covers his arms
around her. The bear was still lying on her tummy, making ocean sounds to an
empty wound almost as if a requiem for the baby she would never
know.
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