Chapter 204: Jacquelyn III—She Has A Weakness
Subj: Hello My Love
Date: 12/03/--
From: [email protected]
Sent From the Internet: (Details)
Hello my love!
How lovely of you to not write back, to neglect me, I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am that you have a day off, and do not lie because I know your schedule now, and you so graciously proceed to forget me! How about a phone call, yes? I called twice yesterday and received no answer so I will assume you were doing interesting things without me. I suppose you are happy to be without me, that would explain everything. Fine then, I will be happy without you!
Jacquelyn
Re: Subj: Hello My Love
Date: 12/03/--
From: [email protected]
Sent From the Internet: (Details)
My pet I wrote to you yesterday morning, and when I made count them three phone calls you were also not at home. What interesting things could you have been up to without me?
Much Love,
Pascal
Re: Re: Subj: Hello My Love
Date: 12/04/--
From: [email protected]
Sent From the Internet: (Details)
My deepest apologies to you my darling. Somehow it felt as if your message from yesterday morning was old, sent from the day previous. I do not mean to say that it was a bad letter because it certainly wasn’t, perhaps it was a little dull. But I spent another day with HER, and you of course know of whom I am referring to and she tires me out that I came home looking for something interesting and when there was nothing at all to occupy me I took it out on you. Can you forgive me?
In reply to your message from yesterday morning, I cannot say much other than I am pleased that you are seeing a good amount of ice time because that means your play has improved. I am also pleased that your team is doing so well in the standings, what is your record? I do not pay enough attention to those things I suppose. How wonderful for you that the prospect sent with you in the trade is doing so well. I am happy that you are happy.
As for the goings on here, there is a great deal of potential. As I mentioned earlier, I had lunch with Mimi yesterday. We were both bored and we went to A--------- for a nice meal. One thing I admit about Mimi, I may not like her but at the same time there is not much need for pretenses when it is just the two of us. We do not need to hide very much from each other, because she thinks there is nothing at all to fear.
At first I asked her a little about her silly charity game which she seemed rather looking forward to. The ladies had already had a group skate the day previous, nothing heavy, they were just gauging who could skate and who couldn’t.
By the time we received our salads our talk turned to our husbands. I asked her how she tolerated sharing him at times and she brushed it off at first as, she knows who he comes home to so why should she bother so much about it? Oh darling at that point I was just bursting to tell her exactly where her dear husband was finding comfort these days. It would have been priceless to see her eyes sparkle with contained hatred after learning exactly how I have him moaning for… oh forgive me would you not want to hear about that either?
We talked some more, and I realized something as she spoke of him, her husband, that she is deeply in love with him. Darling there are many facets to the word love as you well know it is not an adjective of single meaning, and her love is an odd one. Even though she is married to him, has borne his children, has been the bedrock for the foundation of his life, she is not secure with him. In her eyes and in her words I could see that there is a part in her, a damaged little side to her that feels as if she is still trying to court him and gain his attention. She doesn’t feel as if she completely owns him. Her love for him is not the love a wife has, but the love a courting teenager has, a teenager with a crush. Do you realize how fragile that makes her?
It was a revelation that put me in an extremely pleasant mood and for an hour or so as we ate and talked I began to believe that I was her closest, most dearest friend and that I would do anything to protect her from a woman like me.
“I didn’t know Chris had a lady friend,” Mimi said abruptly to me as I was sampling the soup.
I looked at her and remembered who she was. Pascal do not tell me that she has had that boy in her clutches at one time! It makes me sick to think of how smug she must feel every night, having an entire world of young men at her finger tips.
“I wasn’t aware of it,” I replied. “Shouldn’t the others know about her?”
Mimi shrugged. “She is not too pleasant, a college girl.”
I stopped myself from laughing. Of course Mimi wouldn’t like her, she doesn’t like any other female with more technical knowledge than her, and in this city, that is about everyone!
“And Chris,” she said and I heard her voice soften when she said his name, I saw the smile, the softness of her eyes and I knew at that point that she HAD had him and it enraged me. “He is injured again, his knee, poor boy. He just wants to be doted on.”
It’s not so much her sleeping with these men that bothers me, Pascal, because you well know I do not advocate denying oneself the pleasure of anything that presents itself. It is her face. She is absolutely in love with each and every one of them and I do not think she knows it. She has a HEART Pascal and that annoys me to no end.
She is in the game of breaking hearts, of spoiling innocents, and of evading conquer, and in that game there is no room for a heart. If you see it, she has three children, and they are at home with her, not even in a good boarding school! How DARE she think she can have fun with both sides, being a mother and a lover. Things like that never work in reality and I don’t care how long she has successfully walked this tight rope she does not deserve to get away with having her cake and eating it too.
It is impossible to live a life as she has and I don’t want her to. I want her to choose one side. I want her to be either a mother or a lover but not both. Is it wrong of me Pascal to think this way? I am only trying to prevent someone from living the life of a hypocrite!
What is her secret? What is her weakness? It is love. Above all things her core is love. She craves the love of her husband, her children and of the pretty boys around her. She wants to feel adored to please the world and to be pleased. She needs to feel the security that the men around her love her and she will do anything to make sure they never stop loving her.
See Pascal! Do you see how silly you were for lusting after her for so long, for obsessing about her? She is a bag of tricks! She only simpers after men like a purring alley cat, and a starving one at that because she is a begger! She is begging for love she does not feel safe when it isn’t there and I think I have discovered something there as well. Safety is her main end, she is begging each and every man around her not to harm her, to pet her rather than attack her.
Why is she like this? I have my suspicions and I will get to the bottom of it. She is a fraud Pascal. She is not playing this game for conquests, she is playing this game for her own damaged, addled fears, to quell the loud voices of something that is chasing after her.
I want to find that monster and set it free, tell it where she is hiding. I want to see what happens once the rug is stripped from under her feet.
So then, it begins, what do I know? I know of her husband, I know he has similar feelings for her as she does for him. I could attack at that route, or I can change my strategy to her next target. That boy Daniel, and his exquisite paramour, the baby nanny, they are fairly fresh, and naďve. The plan that is forming in my mind, is a mix of them both however. I am an artist Pascal! You will absolutely love this one once it is set in motion. Every good artist mixes the paints on his palette and I think I have just come up with a lovely color.
With much Love,
Jacquelyn
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