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Tuesday, 12th, 2005, 8:15 pm: When I created this website it was with a precise aim in mind: make it a space where I'll run as wild as I'll wish to. I always have this idea in mind that the words I speak, the words I write might resonate somehow farther than I can see. What if all was recorded somehow, somewhere? What if there was such a thing as a memory of the universe? And all things could be heard and seen again, like old movies, watched by� ourselves, our neighbours, angels, aliens, our kids, our ancestors, anywhere, at any time� What if words spoken once still resonated, forever? Like the light of those dead stars than we can still see because of the distance. Our all bodies are like antennas. Refine them. Start by becoming aware of this quality,� Who knows what one could become able to pick up?� I went to the cinema today. The war of the worlds. It's more psychology than SF to me. Aliens are just the monumental element that puts the characters to the ultimate test. To me, first and foremost, it's about this guy and his two kids. Those kids are something. Them alone are worth the price of the seat. They're not usual kids. They have something of their own to offer. Tom Cruise in a non-super hero part is quite something as well, even if the character drives like a stuntman� Ahh! Well, it's Tom Cruise� Still, there, just this regular guy who, like any regular guy, seems totally unable to be a "good" father, unable to communicate with his kids� His living room is a garage, his fridge is empty. Steven Spielberg definitely knows how to shoot a kitchen, a all house, knows how to make it look like the regular common type. The typical American home. This guy is as good with dinosaurs as with kitchens. No super-hero here. What a breath of fresh air! Just a guy who wants to save his kids. In the end, it's what keeps him alive. Sometimes I get worried for some people. Well, I just care. Sometimes I feel connected to some people I haven't even met. Nowadays, this sort of thing can happen, not only through books and music, but also through television and cinema. It makes me feel weirder than usual when I get this feeling. I can't hear anywhere around me of people having that sort of experience. Maybe because nobody talks about it. You enjoy a singer more than any other. You feel touched by his music so much you get the impression that this person feels and thinks as you do� Well, you're just a fan then? It's the groupie effect. Nothing more. You get fascinated by some people, and then, you get over it. But in the end, what if we were really all connected to each other? To some more than to others, of course� but connected all the same, in spite of whatever sort of distance may stand between us? Connected like members of one family. To some members of your own family, you barely feel connected at all, they feel hundreds of miles away from you, even when they live next door� But you catch the eye of a stranger in the street and suddenly it feels as you could be of the same blood. "It feels". I don't know� Maybe I just "feel" more strongly than average people or I'm more aware of what I feel than average people� I pay more attention to it� Instinct. Intuition� I'm aware of my antennas and I listen to what they perceive� Or I'm just imagining too much stuff� Too much imagination� But isn't imagination simply is the ability to put thoughts and feelings into images?� You're supposed to be a stranger to most people. You're supposed to behave like a stranger towards them, it's the rule: be polite, don't ask too many questions, keep a reasonable distance� When you meet someone new and right away you get this feeling� that you could have been friends for years it would feel the same. It clicks. Well, you're not supposed to show it too much otherwise you're likely to scare them away� Since they don't feel the same. This is so frustrating! Why don't they feel the same? Because you're the weirdo? Because you're only imagining things and none of this is real but to you? Or is it because people in general, well� They just don't feel? They follow the rules. Or they feel the same way but they're so much not used to it they wonder if they're not imagining things� I know, I think too much. It's just that I've been in such situations several times and it's just so damn frustrating! People just don't see what I do and it's driving me mad! What if I was really cracked and there really was nothing such to see? See? The thing is, when you "feel", you're not imagining anything. It doesn't have anything to do with what goes on in your brain. Your interpretation of your feeling may be distorted by your intellect� The interpretation may go the wrong way but its root, the feeling, stays, true. Clear the perception of all prejudice, of all beliefs� Clear the perception of all thoughts, put back the thinking process on only to� What for? Get rid of the damn thinking process. Get rid of the intellect. Keep only the feeling. Then, I can feel concerned for whoever I care to. I guess some will just call me "empathic". "Strong empathic". But then I should feel concerned for all and everyone just the same. Why does my level of concern should fluctuate? I can stand in front of someone, spend a lot of time with someone and not feel concerned at all, whatever deep shit that person is in. I can totally feel like "this is none of my business". And be totally ok with it. Feel that it's not selfishness: it's just none of my business and I'm clearly aware of it. And I can see someone on TV, someone I never met and may never ever meet, and feel deeply concerned. So maybe it's my intellect that doesn't give me the correct reading of what I feel� Maybe I'm just misinterpreting things� When you see someone crying, it may only be some dust in their eyes� 10:30 pm: Went outside a bit. Last lights of the day. The sky is so veiled the piece of moon out appears only very blurred. Did some Tai-chi. "Get rid of the damn thinking process", I wrote. Well, that's one way that can help. I'm too tired to write. I'm spiralling around what I mean and I'm not sure I'm spiralling towards it or away from it. Who cares, anyway? Well, me. I came back home with some photos today, those I took these last weeks. I'll put some online. I left a black & white film to develop, the one I used at a concert I went to last Saturday. The woman told me it won't be ready until next Friday, maybe not until next Tuesday. Everybody takes photos with their cell phones nowadays. Or with digital cameras. Black & white films are getting more expensive to use than colour� Crazy� I'm going to have to wait all that time� before knowing if those photos are worth something. My goal is actually to drown anyone who'd care to read this into hundreds of useless words. My point actually lies at the bottom. Or maybe I will put it somewhere else or nowhere at all. "Affinities!" would probably shout out anyone. "Don't go around torturing your brain with useless questions. You share some affinities with some people, loads of them with some, none with others and that's it." What are affinities? Where do they come from? How do they get shaped? What are they made of? What are "affinities" exactly? Why affinities instead of none? Why? Why? What is it? What's the core of our being? Are there families of souls? Members of which are scattered around the world and when you meet a member of your soul-family for the first time, or see one you've never met on tv� Well, it feels strange. You never met them and here they are, some part of you recognizes them, knows they're kindred and feels concerned while another part of you, your brain programmed with all the rules of this society, your brain gets in the way and shouts out, mocking: "Hey, you weirdo! You're such a fan/obsessive!"� Or worse: "It's just a stupid crush!" And you end up feeling so stupid you never talk about that sort of feeling to anyone and it doesn't get talked about in books or anywhere. And we end up talking about feelings as mysterious things� Or as purely chemical/hormonal phenomenon. "Vast, cold and hostiles intellects" is how the aliens of this movie are described. Shadows of our own brains� People getting used and squeezed by machines,� People becoming totally unable to walk out of their home without a cell phone� All of this technology for what? Such a desire to communicate, to be connected to others, to "keep in touch" with the world� So what? Is it impossible to keep in touch without technology? Do you really have to fry your brain with those machines to keep in touch? Is it the only way? So, we feel disconnected� so we're able to feel connected and make the difference between feeling connected or not. So, whether connected or disconnected, we can still feel. We don't need a cell phone to feel. Cell phones and all such things interfere.. with our own ability to feel, since they make us forget about it. Maybe it's because I don't have any cell phone that I feel so much. I can tell you: it doesn't take a cell phone to feel connected to a storm, to a tree, to a cat. It only takes feeling. Strange thing is once you're there, technology can really put you in touch with more people, those you see on tv, those you meet on the Web� I'm not all against technology. Just bothered by the way it's used� Maybe technology is only a phase, until we become able to go up to those strangers we feel connected to, until it becomes the rule to go and say hi! and act friendly to whoever feels like a mate, even when you've never met them before� And the streets will fill up with mates for all of us. Some people seem on the edge of� I feel concerned they might� Some people shine bright and yet appear on the verge of collapse. The stronger the light� Some old ways have to come to pass, to collapse, indeed� but some people mix up their ways with themselves, it's so easy... We're not our habits. In French, "habits" means "clothes". Astrology has a lot to bring when it comes to wonder about affinities� Saturn is about to enter Leo. Particularly sensitive moment for all people with Saturn in Leo and Aquarius. I can tell. I mean,� I can feel it. DreamWorks. Such a lovely name. |