SEPTEMBER 30TH, 2002

The very first entry in this, the very first entry! Oh yeah, can you feel da excitement, the love, the admiration of the masses? I sure can. Why can't you? Are you emotionless? Then get out of my face ya bum!!!!! I've decided to chronicle the life of the typical webzine editor/computer operator of a small time brothel in Fargo, North Dakota. Why did I start this, the whole concept of THE LESBIAN LUNCH? Well, if you've read the ABOUT Lesbian Lunch and you're still not sure of the why, the fors, and the whatsit, then, I shall explain it here, for all the masses to read. HURRRRRRRAAAAYYYYY!!!!

The first is the why.....the why is easy, I got bored, really bored, one day and decided to go cruise the Net like any red blooded Canadian chicken molester would do. I went to my favorite search engine, that being uh, I'm afraid to admit, but Yahoo has some pretty nice features, like finding the term "Lesbian Lunch" and "Overweight panty munchers"----the later use to bring up the site, SEX IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE, which is no longer there(the site, sex is still good in the old Christian marriage, you just got to know how to hit the G-spot!!!!!) but I decided to type in the earlier(that being Lesbian Lunch) and found there to be many references to this term. What does it mean? Well, hold on, I will tell you!!! At least what it means to me!

What does this mean, this Lesbian Lunch? Is it some kind of cult out there, somewhere, in the planet we call Earth? Of course not, if this was a cult, I'd be making a lot of money off of people who shave their heads bald and dance around naked singing, ALALALALALALALALALA!! These people would give me their money in the hope that I, the Supreme Lesbian(an overweight Panty muncher from way back...also, decidly male of the homosapien varient...at least that's what it says on my driver's license!) would take them home on the Mother Ship(aka The Good Ship Lollipop.....) but alas, this is not a cult. So what does the term "Lesbian Lunch" mean to me? Well, to me, it means, all kinds of different folks, no matter their creed, the color of their skin,their sexuality and/or preference there to of, even the color of their socks....would gather around a large table, there, at that table would be many different foods and the lunch of all times would commence. All would gather around this table, to eat, to partake of its bounty, to speak of many things while partaking. No one would know hate for those moments at the table, no one would know greed, everyone would be equals. AND THEN THE MOTHER SHIP(AKA THE GOOD SHIP LOLLIPOP) WOULD COME DOWN AND TAKE US BACK TO THE HOMEWORLD!! LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA!!!!

Okay, now that that's over, now we come to the WHO!!!!! The who is a very gray area of this site. The Who is very mysterious, very ellusive, very ugly too.....He is me, the Editor and Builder and Writer and OmnidestructiveSexual(???) of this Ezine, this site, this, this.....well......your mama has a good word for it, she calls it smut(the Editor's own father calls it.....HOMOEROTIC ART AT ITS WORSE!!!!) and the New York Times calls it MADNESS, SHEER UTTER MADNESS.....while Movie Review Weekly, confused by the site, thinking it was for an upcoming thriller, called it, A MASTER PIECE, A WORK FOR THE AGES, WOODY HARRELSON'S BEST FLICK SINCE NATURAL BORN KILLERS.....We here at Lesbian Lunch were confused, so we called up Movie Review Weekly to ask them something...WHAT DA HELL ARE YOU GUYS SMOKING? And they said, Oregano.

Anyways, now that you know all that stuff above....what is the Lesbian Lunch going to be built into? Well, whenever I feel like it, there will be the Lesbian Lunch---the regular Ezine. Most the time, I'll put in some updates to this, THE DIARY, for lack of a better word, the doings and such. I've gathered some of the worse of the worse writers for The Lesbian Lunch(some of them even have been in jail...okay, reform school...but damnit, they're mean!!) and hope to make this site, bigger than CNN.Com....okay, maybe not THAT big.....I don't know if I could handle interviewing some leader of a third world extremist land(those Canadians can be rough...HAHA...just kidding.....) but we will try to at least keep you up to date on ELVIS SITINGS....and of course, MARLON BRANDO sitings.........GO NOW...AND CRUISE PORN.....or something......

OCTOBER 14TH, 2002

Sorry for the delay in both the entries and the zine. I've been so busy, interviewing big stars like, uh, well, lets just say, Kenny Rogers and uh, Frank Gifford. Yeah, that's right, I washed their cars last week and boy, are my hands tired. No wait....that doesn't sound right....anyways....what else has been going on here, behind the scenes? Well word on the street is, the big three(that's right ABC,CBS and uh, we forget the other one) are shaking in their boots over a "in depth" interview we, the good people at Lesbian Lunch, got with, who else, Jerry Falwell. What more can I say? We're that damn good!!!!!!!

Also, we have in the work not one but two big stories for the next issue, both of them having to do with sex with gophers and not one, not two but three big stars one of them is named Kathie Lee...and the other two, are Cher and Madonna....we can't say anymore than that other than WE GOT VIDEO!! WHOOOOO HOOOOOO!!! All three of them naked from the neck up...well okay, Cher and Madonna were pretty quiet but Kathie...my god, she was swinging those gophers around like they were uh....well gophers being swang around!!!!!

What else is there to say? Not much other than the fact I got to sleep with Britney Spears...that's right........I slept with her picture last night, right there on my pillow. I know what you're thinking...and you're right...I'm one lucky dog, she even autographed it for me, her biggest fan......oh I know what you're thinking and the Backstreet Boys will still have a place in my heart and a place on my music sbelf. Also, in the next issue of Lesbian Lunch, we'll have naked pictures of Brit........haha...made you look...besides, I said NEXT issue so you'll have to wait till then!!!

Till next time, I'm outta here...........Adios!!!

NOVEMBER 27TH, 2002

DECEMBER 27TH 2002

Man the editor of this online ezine thingy really blows chicken balls. I mean, damn this diary thingy was suppose to be updated at least once a week, sometimes more with such updates such as NORTH DAKOTA NUKES ITSELF IN CONFUSION OVER STORY ABOUT N. KOREA'S NUCLEAR CAPABILITY. We had the pics and everything ready to go to press but the Editor was asleep and had a note pinned to his crotchless panties that said, do not distrubed, and we followed that advice to the nth degree.

Also, as we checked our search result hits on our counter, we found that somebody found our site using CNN.COM which gave us GREAT BIG BONERS OF AT LEAST 9 INCHES(we are hoping that will bring lots of WOMEN WITH BIG TITS to our site and we are hoping that remark will bring, PEOPLE WITH LOTS OF MONEY LOOKING FOR WOMEN WITH BIG TITS OR GREAT BIG BONERS OF AT LEAST 9 INCHES....we like money....send us some!!!!!!!) No, we're not sleazy like those other news organization who only report the news, we actually live the news. We actually call up G.W. Bush and make obscene phone calls while REO Speedwagon's Can't fight this feeling...........President George seems to like it as he kept saying, PLEASE, PLEASE, LEAVE ME ALONE......we loosely translated that he wanted us to conference call in Dick Cheney for some threesome action. SWEET!!!! Also, we called up Bill Clinton and tried to do the same thing to him but he seemed to enjoy it way too much and we had to hang up and go take a cold shower. Such is life.

Speaking of REO Speedwagon, I forgot what I started fighting for. I think it might have been CORPORATE GREED or maybe it was FREE MP3S.....(or maybe it was for FREE SEX WITH UNDERAGE POLICE OFFICERS IN DRAG...I'm sorry, I'm sorry for putting those words in so search engines would bring people to my site looking for ILLEGAL FREE MP3S FEATURING ABBA!!!!!) Okay, I'll stop doing that as we all know I do not need any help on getting people here with such cheesy tricks as putting HOT CHICKS NAKED in any featured articles.......but I promise to make more entries in this thing and maybe even throw up a new issue of the Lesbian Lunch. Until then, I be outie.....

March 11th, 2003