|
|
|
|
|
TUESDAY,
SEPTEMBER 17TH, 2002 |
||
Welcome to the second issue of The Lesbian Lunch. We have
a jammed pack issue for you! What do we have in it this week??? OH MY GOSH,
WE GOT SO MUCH STUFF, IT HURTS US TO THINK ABOUT IT. We got PORNOGRAPHY!! No,
no we don’t....we’re sorry for lying to you like that! What do we really
got??? WE GOT CHEESE, LOTS OF CHEESE! No, no we don’t. We don’t got any
cheese for you. Our editor put that in there to attract you. Did it work? It
didn’t? You were more attracted by our blantant headline of Warren Beatty
impregnated Russell Crowe? YOU SICK MOTHER OF A RABID BABBOON!! By the way,
how did you find this site? Oh by searching for “Mother of a rabid babboon”?
Oh, for a school report you’re doing. Really??? Neat. Well, sorry, we don’t have any information
on that......but if you’re looking for pics of Warren Beatty doing it to
Russell.....sorry, we’re all out, maybe next week.......this week....we made
up a crap load of stories about different celebrities and politicians backed
up by interviews by friends and family and what pissed off guidance
counselors put in their high school yearbooks. Man, those people are pissed.
Look what Doctor Walter Simpson, Britney Speares’ old high school counselor
put in------->BRITNEY’S A WORTHLESS TEEN SLUT, WHO DOES NOTHING BUT
TEASE HER FELLOW CLASS MATES IN HER SHORT SHORTS AND MID RIFF EXPOSING
T-SHIRTS. SHE’S NO VIRGIN........ We will run with the above story, including shocking photos of Britney having sex with Ronald McDonald in future issue of The Lesbian Lunch!!!!!!!! Also this week, we have the INTERVIEW WITH A PUBLISHER. Our very own publisher gets interviewed........ LESBIAN LUNCH: Hello how are you? PUBLISHER: Fine. You? LESBIAN LUNCH: Great! Thanks for asking! PUBLISHER: You’re welcome. No more questions! Wow! Wasn’t that a great interview. We are so happy to be able to bring you this kind of hard hitting questions!!!!!!!!! Well have a nice week and see you sometimes!!!!! |
This just in, FLASH! Aliens spotted giving George W.
Bush advice on how to, well, we’re not sure what they were giving advice on,
either how to make world peace or make babies. Either or, we wish the
President luck in his endeavors!!!! |
|
|
(AP)Fargo, North Dakota Marlon Brando spotted in Dochi Waffle House in Ritzy neighborhood of Fargo North Dakota. When asked what he was doing there, he said, “Mumble Grumble Mumble Mumble!” We did not have our translator with us at the time and can only imagine what the great actor said while munching on a waiter from the restaurant. |
||
|
(XXX) Waltersburg, PA Our ever watchful reporters here at The Lesbian Lunch spotted not one, not two but many key figures in the “tabloid scene”. What were they doing in this quiet, not even on the map town? We asked that same question and here’s the answers we were giving...THEY ARE SHOCKING...SO BE WARNED!!!! Gary Coleman Different Stroke—WHAT YOU
TALKIN’ ABOUT? As he pulled a gun on us and Ricky
Schroeder, famed actor and once child star of Silver Spoon, took our
wallet!!!!! Warren Beatty and Russell Crowe----WHA?
WHA? Can’t two men play cribbage in a town’s that’s not even on the map local
park and maybe kiss....and okay, we groped each other for hours. So get over
it you hounds!!! YOU LESBIAN HOUNDS!!! As they ran screaming into
the treeline and they assumed safety......soon afterwards, they were eaten by
rabid wolverines in heat!!!!! TED KENNEDY----After
pulling down his pants, the senator came at us, with lust in his eyes, we
were saved by a group of nuns in heat who raped the senator and then dragged
him kicking and screaming to we can only assume a dungeon of Christian
madness where he will spend the rest of his born days licking the tuna of
many nuns! God save his soul!!! AMEN!!!!!! BILL CLINTON AND AL GORE-----OH, WE SO
HORNY! WE SO HORNY! WE LOVE YOU LONG TIME!!! We forgot to get pictures of
this or Ted Kennedy and for this, we are very sorry!! ~:( GEORGE BUSH AND HILLARY CLINTON-----OH WE
SO HORNY! WE SO HORNY! WE LOVE YOU LONG TIME!!!! Of course, seeing how
photographer missed this, we had to fire him!! We are so sorry!! ~:( |
||
My
God! Can it be true? Russell Crowe is stalking Warren Beatty??? AND THAT
BASTARD WARREN MAY HAVE GOTTEN RUSSELL IMPREGNATED WITH WHALE SPERM???? That
man never knows when to keep his pants on. We called Mr. Beatty and the
ever elusive Crowe and was told by representatives of each household(we
believe both people were their underaged teenage illegal immigrant
housekeeper and lover) that both could only say, “Blah!” We here at the
Lesbian Lunch cannot comment on what either meant by that but can only say,
“Go Speed Racer! Go!” in response!