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ISSUE FOUR VOLUME ONE |
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WEDNESDAY
NOVEMBER 27TH, 2002 |
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Another issue of the Lesbian Lunch newsletter. I’m so sorry about it being so late, behind schedule even but this issue is our very special Holiday issue and we got something very special planned for this issue. An actual interview with Delta Burke???? NO!! Not THAT special. This issue, we called up a lot of celebrities and asked them what the meaning of Christmas meant to them and this is how they answered. Ain’t that special???????? ITS NOT???? Well, you can all go kiss my arse........ Okay, okay, I’m better now, the assistant editor came in and gave me some good drugs.....oh yeah, drugs are good, drugs are great, lets all do drugs....good night!!!! |
THE QUESTION: WHAT DO THE HOLIDAYS MEAN TO YOU? THE RESULTS: GEORGE W. BUSH Ooooooh, the holidays, they mean lots of presents to play with. And lots of drugs to huff, to snuff, to sniff and to consume. I love the uh, holidays. God bless you Tiny Tim!!!! REGIS PHILBIN Oh dear god, the aliens have come! Oh god, help us.....(after that the phone went dead....maybe Kelly is an alien...we don’t know, we never watch the show anymore since Kathie Lee left....we decided to call Kathie up and ask her.......if you know, Frank swallows.......) KATHIE LEE GIFFORD Oh no , Frank doesn’t swallow. He’ll get out of the way really quick, fer sure.........I sometimes swallow, but only if you ask me to sing first...lalalalalalala (WE cut the interview short as she went on for hours about how she once did the entire Dallas Cowboy team, wearing nothing but a pair of stiletto heels and black stockings, needless to say, this turned us on so much, we accidentally erased the whole story. So we decided to call Kelly from Regis and Kelly to ask her, DOES SHE SWALLOW?) KELLY (WE COULD CARE LESS WHAT HER LAST NAME IS) Uh, do I swallow what? (We ended the interview very quickly as she bored us right off the bat........we decided to call Richard Simmons...and ask him, uh, the meaning of Christmas.......) RICHARD SIMMONS WHY OF course, I swallow, doesn’t everybody?? (Oops, asked him the wrong question....we moved on, and asked him, do you find Kelly whatsherface as boring as we do?).....OH GOD YES, BRING BACK THAT BITCH KATHIE LEE....(Yeah!! Bring her back....at least with Kathie, you get, uh porno or something....we decided to move onto another star as Richard began taking off his clothes......trust us, you’ll be glad the camera back fell off, exposing the film.) AL GORE I should of won in 2000...why didn’t I? Who are you? Are you from Florida? No....where? North Dakota? I was once in North Dakota...in fact, I built North Dakota......(days later, he answered our original question, what is the meaning of Christmas and the holiday season to you.....)It’s all about the drugs....lots and lots of drugs!!!! DELTA BURKE I liked to thank the Academy for giving me this honor of best actress in a t.v. miniseries. I uh......(We finally told her we weren’t with the Academy Award....she called her security people and we were escorted off her property. Man.......) HILLARY CLINTON DOWN ON YOUR KNEES BITCH.....(we spent many days playing bitch to Hillary...finally she answered our question of what is the meaning of the holidays to you?).....PAIN BITCH, LOTS OF PAIN ON YOUR HOT WELTED ASS.....(We can’t tell you anymore than that....lots of F words were used and something about tying our testicles to a tree and letting fire ants crawl all over them....~shrug~ too bad we lost our testicles to our last job...hahaha.....) IN OTHER NEWS In PoppaPimple, Indiana, Mayor Owla Jenkins was reelected in a landslide, namely his opponent was overtaken by a landside while hunting snipes in Southern Indiana. Flash, Klaminzo,
Idaho, Walter Engels, of Engels Biotechnics, has cloned the world’s first shepherd
to go with those cloned sheep and stuff. When asked why he did it, he just
shrugged and said, I thought those sheep were getting lonely. Even bigger
Flash, Antonio Banderas isn’t gay, he’s just really happy. Even bigger
flash with more power, George W. Bush reported that HE WAS THE BIG
BUSH.....and that’s the news...... |
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