There Was A Lady From Nantucket...
22 Ways You Know You're From Philly
22. You hate Dallas.
21. You realize that your favorite dessert is "wooder ice".
20. You find yourself using "yo" and "youse guys" when talking
long-distance to family members.
19. You know how to spell Schuylkill.
18. You pronounce ACME "ACK-A-ME".
17. You think that $2,500 a year for insurance on a 1977 Toyota Corolla is
a bargain.
16. You find yourself at a nice restaurant thinking "I wonder if they have
cheese steaks?"
15. You sleep soundly through gunfire and ambulance sirens.
14. You visit New York and are impressed by how clean it is.
13. You believe the car on your left (with turn signal flashing and the
driver pointing at your lane) wants you to close the gap with the car in
front of you.
12. You can't eat french fries without Cheese Whiz.
11. You call sprinkles on top of your ice cream cone "jimmies".
10. You don't think Wawa sounds funny.
9. You snub a cheese steak that isn't on an Amoroso roll.
8. Your parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles all live on the same
block.
7. You know who Jim O'Brien is and how he died.
6. You can't imagine lunch without a Tastycake.
5. You're still not sure about Jerry Penacolli.
4. A vacation down at the Jersey shore (pronounced "shoore") is better
than going to an island (there's more stuff to do, plus you know everybody.)
3. You know where to find the Rocky statue.
2. You know that only tourists go to Geno's, Pat's and Jim's for authentic
cheese steaks. You only go if you're drunk and it's 3:00! a.m.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM PHILADELPHIA
1. You buy a soft pretzel at a traffic light without wondering where the
guy goes to wash his hands. And you know what? You don't even care!
PASS THIS ON AND SHOW YOUR PHILLY PRIDE!!!
Provided By My friend Nina.
Sure Makes Me Feel Old
When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what
with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways
through year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their
backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A
average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill
where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family
from starving to death!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way
in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But.... Now that I've reached the ripe old age of twenty-nine, I can't
help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I
mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it
but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet--we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves!
And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a
letter--with a pen!--and then you had to walk all the way across the street and
put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had
to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait
around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the
beginning and screw it all up!You want to hear about hardship?
You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude
to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! It was either that or jack off to
the lingerie section of the JC Penney catalog! Those were your options!
We didn't have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone
and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy
Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it
was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer,
you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like
"Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy
was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were
no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you
could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died!
Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium
seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you,
you were screwed!
And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20
channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book
called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on
Saturday morning... ...D'ya hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK,
you spoiled little brats!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too
easy.
You're spoiled, I swear to God! You guys wouldn't last five minutes
back in 1984!
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