I can't believe
she's gone.
I mean, we have
so much together. We have a child to
think of, a
life to live together, and she's
just...gone.
I tried very
hard to do it right this time out, but I
guess it wasn't
good enough. Sure, we fought, but
hell, what
couple doesn't? I guess when it got ugly,
she got tired
of it all and said to hell with it.
Every time I
look at my child, I see her. I see her
lovely face,
those eyes...and it hurts even more. I
know there's
no getting her back no matter what I do,
no matter what
promises I make. My friends tell me
that things
are going to be okay, but I don't think I
believe them
this time.
I've never listened
to any of our stuff after we've
finished an
album. You live with the damn songs for so
long, by the
time they're done with and taped, you
don't want
to hear them again unless it's in concert.
Still, I've
first run copies of everything, and I find
myself digging
one particular CD out and slipping it
into the car's
CD player. I let the first song flow
over me, losing
myself in the bitterness, the rage.
Before I can
remember to change the setting from
"random" to
"regular," the tracks switch to a song I
DO NOT want
to hear. I have to pull over because the
memories this
song dredges up from inside me hurt too
much. I lean
against the steering wheel and cry until
there's nothing
left.
I remembered
the night we taped Joe's vocals for the
song. He was
in a lot of pain too, but not the kind
the song talks
about. His back was messed up really
bad and he
channeled all of that agony into the song.
I thought he
was going to hurt more than his back by
the time he
was done. He kept his eyes closed the
whole time
and didn't open them until he had listened
to the mix
all the way through. The rest of us would
add our parts
later, but even without them, the song
just ACHED
all over. I've had fans tell me they can't
listen to the
song very often because it wakes up some
buried memory
they don't want to resurrect. Phil's
guitar solo
was perfect, he pulled it off in one take
just from hearing
a couple chords from Vivian. And it
worked. Too
bad a lot of fans didn't like the album, I
thought we
did really well with it.
Not much matters
now. I guess I'll go back home now,
back to the
house that once again is empty of light
and laughter
and try not to think of the way Joe sang
the final verse.
"...but where does love go when it dies?"
~ The End ~