Journal2

Oct. 11, 01
Things seem to be going more smoothly now w/the program. Have 10 days op under my belt. I know I can make my challenge. Going to have people over this weekend and this will be the first time since March that I have to work in alcohol. I am banking as we speak. So I figure I can have 5 glasses of wine and not feel left out. I might even get some diet sprite and make a spritzer so it is only 1 point per serving and it looks like I am drinking more. I don't want to look any different than any one else. That's what I love about this program so much. You look normal :) I was so proud of myselff today as I had a very stressful day. I had to go watch my pop while my mom went to the dr's out of town. My family is a whole nother story :) Let's just say you leave out of there feeling wore down.! I was very upset when I got there and the house was disgusting. My parents (grandparents) have my mom, my grown brother and his girlfriend living there and the house was beyond disgusting. They live there for free. I told my brother and his girlfriend off and then cleaned that house like there was no tomorrow. Kept my mind of food though. My mom(gma) is in really bad health and my pop is bedridden so she shouldn't have to clean up any way. Any, way why I was so proud was that I got really hungy as it was past my dinner and I broke down and got a cheese pizza and stopped w/my 2 slices for 6 points!!! Pizza is a trigger food for me. I won the battle this time.

Oct. 16,01
Weigh in was ok. I lost .4. Had a LOT of salty food this past weekend. I went over points 2 days. The first day I miscalculated and the second day I miss calculated again and then was so discouraged that I sabotaged myself further. No excuses and no whining. Dusting my back side off and moving forward. I have set a goal of making goal by new yrs. That is 18 pounds by then. That is about 1.5 pounds per week. Just something to get me going again. So lesson learned check and recheck your points before you eat it!!!

Oct. 17, 01
OK, I WANT TO BINGE and I haven't been doing well the past few days. So I guess I need to write out what is bugging me and see what I can learn from it. I TRULY believe in NO EXCUSES and NO WHINING!!
So why am I feeling this way? Well, I think it is a copulation of a lot of things. First my routine is off. Paul went back to work Monday and I had been use to having an extra set of hands for a month.

2nd, Christopher is cutting several teeth at once so has been extrememly fussy the past couple of days.

3rd, my sister is coming on friday. I am so excited to see them. So I guess all the excitement has got me stressed as well. Plus I am having to keep this a secret that they are coming from the rest of the family cause she wants to surprise them. KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO KEEP A SECRET THIS BIG???!!!!

OK, now to figure out how to deal w/this w/out food?? ANY SUGGESTIONS?!!! I know I AM stronger. Now to mull this over for a while. At least it will take my mind off food for a while. Let you know what I come up with.

Oct. 17,01
Ok, here is what I did yesterday. I made it OP by the skin of my teeth. I ate a couple of things that were 0 points and did a lot of positive self talk. Then 5pm rolled around and I made me a really nice dinner for 8 points, but then I wanted something sweet afterwards so I had me a ff pudding w/1/2 serv. choc chips. Then I still wanted more stuff so I had a few BLT's which of course I counted. I was almost in tears last night cause I still wanted to binge, but knew I needed to save points for today so I wouldn't be in the predicament I was in yesterday. So as soon as I put the kids down for bed I jumped in the bath and then watched Amazing race. I then I went to bed. So I managed to save 12 points for today. Breakfast I had 2 choc. chip pancakes and c. of milk. I CAN DO THIS!!!

Oct. 30, 01
OK, I know it has been a while, but I have had so much on my plate the past 2 weeks. My Pop went in the hospital on the 17th. Wasn't looking good. Has a lot of health problems. Then my sister and her family arrive on the 19th. On the 22nd we find out our Uncle has been hospitalized in NC and flatlined 2x's. So I had to drive to NC on the 21st. I was doing so well when they first got here, but I had a lapse in judgement.. No gory details as that isn't going to help me or anyone else. Have to learn from this experience. Sister is still here which I am so glad! I missed her so. Her dh has gone on ahead to DC to get a house for them. So we have 4 children here that are under the age of 5 and 2 of them are teething at the same time!! So has been very stressful here to say the least. I did get remotivated yesterday and got my lazy butt to the gym. Stayed w/in my points and even banked 1 plus my exercise points!! Looks like I need to start my november challenge!!

Nov. 12,01
Not been good few weeks for me. Though by my scale I am down 3 pounds. We will see what weigh in says tomorrow. I can only hope. A lot has been going on family wise. Dealing w/a lot of family and friend stuff of having surgery, or hospitalized, and dying. I am dealing as best I can though I must admit haven't been perfectly OP, but doing the best that I can. Seem to be getting out of this depression. Went Christmas shopping today. Got half of it done. Nothing like spending money to put you in a good mood. Sold some of our stuff in the paper and got a nice profit from it. So that helped w/Christmas presents. Exercise hasn't been great. In fact my membership expires next month and I am not going to be able to renew it. They have gone up $10 and I just can't afford that and pay for the nursery there as well. Don't know how I am going to get myself motivated to do it at home. There is a church that is doing it for free on Wed. and Fri and the nursery only cost a $1 for any number of children, but I have to ck out the nursery first. I worry so much about leaving the kids w/strangers. I liked that that they gym's nursery was right behind the wall and I could surprise ck easily. So we will see what my options will be next month.