v. LT Chips, 3-1

The Leopards roar again

Friday night's hard fought 3-1 victory over LT Chips leaves the side well placed
to avoid relegation.
Any other result on the water-logged astro pitch behind the Mecca Bingo Hall on
the Hackney Road and the Leopards season was in danger of going under.
The sense of occasion was so great ahead of this crucial six pointer that
international theatre impresario Michael Morris Esq had flown in from New York,
Paris and Milan for a rare appearance.
His presence was of great relief to the travelling supporter given that club
captain and defensive crock (sorry, rock) Patrick Ageless was unavailable for
selection.
Yet the concerns were misplaced.
In Captain Ageless's place came a new, inevitably younger pairing that brought
with it a whole new approach to the way the game should be played.
After just 90 minutes together it is clear that Dan and Ed have the potential to
revolutionise central defending in the much same way that Stu Fancis and Jimmy
Cranky transformed Saturday evening TV in the early 1980s. (Ask your brothers
Mini and Micro Stevos).
Faced with LT Chip's number 9 - a skilful six foot two inch beanpole who
appeared to be able to do nought to sixty in 4.3 seconds ? the Chuckle Brothers
for the new millennium did not flinch and did superbly to restrict him to a
single shot.
Which he hit into the back of the net from 25 yards to give them a 1-0 lead.
It was hard luck on a Leopards team that had until then battled admirably in
miserable conditions.
Cue The Beast of Hackney. Subdued until that point, local resident Ricky B took
the game by the scruff of the neck in typically combative style. A flurry of
rabbit punches and a couple of elbow jabs later the Leopards were back in it.
Under pressure from the Leopards front pair of Sam and Mr Dennis's-friend-Peter,
the LT keeper sliced a clearance to the edge of the centre circle . The Beast,
who had been prowling the area for victims, sensed the opportunity and hit the
ball first time, back over the keeper's head and into the top of the net.
A sensational strike and a deserved equaliser.
The Leopards were back.
The second half began with LT on top. Only some fine stops from Mike and an
unorthodox new style of block from Ed prevented the speeding beenpole from
doubling his tally.
"I call it my Riverdance with a little bit of I-am-little-tea-pot clearance," Ed
said afterwards of one particularly remarkable  intervention.
Gradually the Leopards clawed their way back.
In the 52nd minute stopper turned provider when Dan released JC wide on the
right with a pinpoint cross-field pass.
Unfortunately the latter wasn't playing. But no matter, because within moments
the Leopards were ahead.
Miles, playing wide on the right, raced to the byline and delivered a superb
cross that Sam dispatched ? along with the keeper - into the net. 2-1 to the
Leopards.
Miles, recalled from a loan spell at Cambridge, was at the centre of many of the
Leopards best moves after that.
On the hour he won a penalty after being tripped in the box.
A wild-eyed Beast took the ball from stand in captain Big Stevo and hammered the
ball past a clearly petrified  LT goalkeeper for his second and the Leopards'
third.
It remains unclear what exactly happened during the crazed celebrations that
followed.
Highly placed FA sources last night indicated that the referee's report will
describe an incident where two stewards had to forcibly remove the Beast's fangs
from the opposition left back's ankle.
Late on Danny G had a chance to make it four but was unable to follow up on last
week's long range effort from inside the six yard box.
A low cross was whipped in from the right and Dan quickly sensed the danger it
posed to the opposition goal.
Realising that only the slightest of touches would send it past the keeper and
into the LT net, the defender's defender somehow managed to trap the ball
between his thighs, spin round on the spot three times and then deposit the ball
into the grateful goalie's arms. Some skills you simply cannot teach.
On the whistle Dan had another attempt ? but this time it was the keeper's head
he trapped between his thighs.
The goalie, lashed out at Dan shortly after regaining consciousness.
"Stop kicking me when I'm on the floor," whimpered the big man.
The referee could have booked Dan for the feebleness of his comeback ? or the
way that he maimed the innocent beanpole moments later.
Instead he blew the final whistle.
By then the rain over Hackney had cleared and the cloud over the Leopards'
league campaign was lifting.
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