The fox emerges from his den and takes a sniff through his generously proportioned nostrils. It�s match-day and he�s got work to do. (N.B. Clearly this �work� has absolutely nothing to do with the place that Nick gets paid lots of money to turn up at five days a week from which he carefully monitors the Leopards web site.)
And then he�s off, with as elegant a chicken-like-run as you could ever wish to see. Remorselessly indefatigable, titanically strong, lightening quick, intricately skilful; these are just some of the qualities which are apparently shared by all the defenders he plays against. Undeterred, the fox courageously stands as close as possible to them throughout the game ready to capitalise on any �3-yds out, no defenders in sight, goalie dead� half chances that might come his way.
But alas, oh alas, things do not go the fox�s way. Every game some cynical referee or dastardly opponent will time and time again ride roughshod over the fox until even his sweet-tempered nature snaps. On these extremely rare occasions I regret to say that the fox often exploits his intimidating presence to bully smaller players and referees. Would he have the moral courage to confront people bigger than himself? We may never know.
But we have got this far without focusing on the fox�s greatest talent - post-match analysis. From the fox�s messianic mouth, miracles leap forth. A 6-yd toe-poke becomes a 30-yd zinging bicycle-kick; an accidental deflection doubles as an incisive through-pass; a goalie picking up a slowly dribbling ball is transformed into �perhaps the greatest save I�ve ever witnessed�. He is a man who lets the talking do the football and in so doing brings joy and wonder to his team-mate disciples.
So how we can sum up this great striker? A striker moreover whose mere physical presence literally guarantees him a place in the team. If Ronaldo is the Elvis of strikers then in the fox, Nicholas van den Arend we, the Leopards, have our very own Rick Astley.
With tears in our eyes let�s bid a fond farewell and hope that he cracks America. Never gonna give you up. |
