THE STORY OF HOW IT ALL BEGAN…

Hamsta Bitter‘s original concept by Leon Baines was created in the small
town of Narberth in 1978. The original company was named ‘Baines
Breweries’. For many years developments remained relatively low key and
only in more recent years has the company really began to expand.

At first work was slow, the meager sums of cash were barely enough to
purchase crusts of bread, rotten bananas and flatworms to add to the
contrived concoction of weird and wonderful flavours that made up the
flavoursome substance. Work did not cease, on the contrary this lack of
cash fuelled the ambition of the enthusiastic workers at Baines Brewery
Industries and a large rigid cardboard box was eventually purchased on the
black market from a 3 foot gibbon with an OWL as a head. This
desperately needed addition to the company provided a workplace for the
forty Tibetan monks who worked there. 

Money began to flow very slowly into the company’s expansions pot. With
the extra dosh the following was bought:

A brown pottery urn as a brewing container – To replace the disused
urinal that was festering with foul smells and disease

Sacks full of intestinal maggots– These were found to be indispensable
when speeding up the brewing rate of the bitter alcoholic
beverage. 

Fifty hundred-weights of second rate dog-meat- This proved vital for
improving the previous flavour achieved by the fermentation of rotting fruits
and bread etc.

This new flavour batch became available to the locals in return for further
scraps of meat left over from meals and the nearby abattoir. In the
surrounding area the new drink was a huge hit . Soon gaining in
popularity, local farmers began to campaign for more of the
groundbreaking new flavour cocktail to be made (apparently as a cure for
constipation). This demand was swiftly met. 

Since 1998 work on the beer has increased in pace at a substantial rate
and a massive amount of money has been poured into developing the fine,
unusual flavour.

Meanwhile a transvestite cannibal occupying 
Narberth castle stated “This tastes f**pp*ng marvelous. In fact it tastes
like rat…no…HAMSTA”. And thus the Hamsta Bitter name tag was
born. 
The transvestite cannibal (Or tranny canny as he is known to the locals)
agreed that in return for a crate of the brew he give the newly named
Hamsta Breweries a constant supply of rotting, foul-smelling hamstas
from his private festering pit. 

Eventually a merger was called for. Hamsta Bitter industries (Now
converted from a cardboard box to a 6’ by 4’ shed) was clearly
expanding and in need a final boost before it was to reveal itself to the
global market. 

So a robbery was called for. Planned quickly and badly, the execution of
this plan had to be non other than perfect. However there was very little
doubt that the residents of Fishguard were going to notice a thing. They
didn’t. Over 50 billion pounds was stolen from the local building
society. The workers for Baines Breweries prided themselves for this criminal
feat and blew it all on advertising. i.e. a massive banner covering the entire
front end of Buckingham Palace which was left there for a week. The public
controversy and media attention brought around by this was huge. 

It was not long before a rich American offered 100 billion for the right to
sell the product overseas. An agreement was made. 

Within a month Hamsta Bitter had become the most
successful beer in the world.