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Sermons PREACHED BY JOHN GAINES |
Training Up a Child
1. Six weeks ago, I preached a sermon titled "God's Plan For Parents." We talked about parents' responsibilities to their children. We need to provide for our children materially -- giving them food, clothing, shelter, and other physical necessities. Even more importantly, we need to provide for our children spiritually by teaching them God's truth and instilling genuine faith in them. . . bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord [Ephesians 6:4].
2. We did not have adequate time to finish the last point of the study. Parents have an obligation to provide correction and discipline to their children when they misbehave. In an ideal world, little Jason and Jennifer are perfect children who never misbehave. They never need correction or punishment for anything they have done. Dream on! Some children are well-behaved; others less so. The well-behaved ones are the children whose parents have done a good job training them.
I. THE RESULT OF FAILING TO CORRECT OUR CHILDREN IS OFTEN REBELLION AND DISASTER.
A. Consider the Old Testament examples of Eli and Samuel.
1. Eli was a priest and judge of Israel. Yet his sons Hophni and Phinehas were corrupt wicked men [1 Samuel 2:12]. 1 Samuel 2:17 (NKJV) says, "Therefore the sin of the young men was very great before the LORD, for men abhorred the offering of the LORD." More of their sins are detailed in 1 Samuel chapter 2. This great man of God failed in his family responsibilities. The International Standard Bible Encyclopedia makes this observation regarding Eli: "The character of Eli, while sincere and devout, seems to have been entirely lacking in firmness. He appears from the history to have been a good man, full of humility and gentleness, but weak and indulgent." Weak and indulgent parents continue to be one of the major causes of parenting failures.
2. Eli did suceed in bringing up Samuel to be a faithful follower of the Lord. However, Samuel experienced some of the same problems with his children that Eli did.
a. Samuel spent a great deal of time away from home [1 Samuel 7:15-17 (NKJV) And Samuel judged Israel all the days of his life. 16 He went from year to year on a circuit to Bethel, Gilgal, and Mizpah, and judged Israel in all those places. 17 But he always returned to Ramah, for his home was there. There he judged Israel, and there he built an altar to the LORD.]
b. As an old man Samuel appointed his sons judges over Israel. [1 Samuel 8:1-2 (NKJV) Now it came to pass when Samuel was old that he made his sons judges over Israel. 2 The name of his firstborn was Joel, and the name of his second, Abijah; they were judges in Beersheba.] Samuel did not show good judgment because he should have known his sons' character. However, parents are often blind to the faults of their own children.
c. 1 Samuel 8:3 (NKJV) But his sons did not walk in his ways; they turned aside after dishonest gain, took bribes, and perverted justice.
d. The failings of Samuel's sons led to the request to have a king in Israel [1 Samuel 8:4-5 (NKJV) Then all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah, 5 and said to him, "Look, you are old, and your sons do not walk in your ways. Now make us a king to judge us like all the nations."] Our failures as parents can have far-reaching implications.
e. We often mimic the parenting styles of our own parents. By their good examples, good parents often teach their children how to be good parents. It's likewise true that bad parenting traits are passed on. Eli was responsible for Samuel's upbringing and Samuel's sons turned out much the same way as Eli's did.
B. Reasons we fail to discipline our children
1. Too busy.
2. Too weak. Who is in control?
a. Control needs to be established when children are young. If it isn't, it is almost impossible to impose control over unruly adolescents.
b. It is the parents' responsibility to be parents . . . that requires us to discipline our children's behavior.
II. A FATHER'S DUTY TO HIS CHILDREN INCLUDES EXHORTING, COMFORTING, AND CHARGING.
A. 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 (NKJV) as you know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children, 12 that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.
B. Discipline is not always the same as PUNISHMENT. There is a positive aspect which seeks to prevent problems before they occur.
1. Comparison to medicine. We take vaccines to prevent diseases -- flu, measles, etc. Parents had always rather keep their children from getting into trouble than punish them because they've gotten into trouble.
2. There is a place for parents playing the strict disciplinarian role. However, unless it is balanced by the comfort-giver role, the child isn't going to feel loved. It is important that we ENCOURAGE rather than DISCOURAGE our children. Ephesians 6:4 warns us not to provoke our children to anger. The God's Word paraphrase says, "Don't make your children bitter about life." That is a warning we need to hear. In the midst of being urged to be tougher, stricter parents, we need to know not to go overboard. Don't be harsh with your children. Don't be unrealistic in demanding more than they are capable of doing.
III. PUNISHMENT WILL BE A NECESSARY PART OF THE CHILD-REARING PROCESS.
A. Hebrews 12:5-9 (NKJV) And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: "My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; 6 For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives." 7 If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? 8 But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live?
B. There are three practical guidelines which we should follow as we punish our children.
1. Punish with love.
a. Love does not stop punishment from taking place. In fact, love demands that children face consequences when their behavior has been bad.
b. It is important that children understand that punishment does not mean parents no longer love them. Just as God loves us when we're sinners, a loving human father or mother still loves the child even when they have misbehaved.
c. Kids may have a hard time understanding how you can love them while you're spanking them. But tell them anyway. At some time in their life, a light bulb will go on and they will understand the connection between love and discipline. Remember, Jesus said, "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten." [Revelation 3:19 (NKJV)].
2. Punish with consistency.
a. It's confusing for a child to be punished for doing something one day and have the same behavior be tolerated another day. Punishment should never depend on how Mom or Dad feel. Dad, the Bible warns you not to provoke your children to anger. One way you could do that is by having a bad day at work and coming home and taking your frustrations out on your child.
b. Parents should come up with a philosophy of parenting with which they both agree. Will we spank? There isn't necessarily a right or wrong answer to that. Different punishment techniques are effective in different situations. Spanking works better with some children than with others. The key concept is that bad behavior choices MUST ALWAYS bring unpleasant consequences. Mom and Dad need to be on the same page about that. They should consistently enforce their parenting plan. Kids should not be allowed to play one parent against the other. Parents should speak with one voice in disciplining their children.
3. Punish with purpose.
a. Don't punish to inflict hurt -- physical or emotional.
b. Don't punish simply to punish. Some motive other than "It's what I'm supposed to do when they misbehave" is needed.
c. The reason for punishment is CORRECTION. We are teaching our children to modify their behavior. Bad behavior must have unpleasant consequences. Good behavior has good consequences. Parents must understand this themselves before they can help their children understand WHY they are being punished.
CONCLUSION
1. Parents need to have their priorities set properly. Many parents have dreams of their children being professional sports stars, doctors, or having some other high-paying profession. We like to think they will be more successful than we've been . . . and we usually define success in earthly terms.
2. We should not forget that the most valuable asset we can give our children is faith in Christ [Mark 8:36 (NKJV) "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?]
3. The greatest joy in a Christian parent's life is the day his/her son or daughter is baptized into Christ. It is fine for our children to grow up and have successful careers making a lot of money. It is much more important for them to grow up as faithful men and women serving God all their lives. Helping our children get to heaven is our most important task as parents.
4. Invitation
Copyright ©2002 by John Gaines. May be reproduced for non-commercial purposes provided this notice accompanies any use.
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LEONARD STREET CHURCH OF CHRIST |
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