Old Debts

A Burori Fan Fiction

Chapter 3: Disciple

He was floating through eternity, the chaos of ages storming around him. The ghosts had abandoned him, leaving only the ringing of a baby's cries in his ears. He was drowning in loneliness and self-pity, rage having fled him long ago. Tears slipped down his cheeks as he remembered the years spent in fruitless rage, years spent in bondage, years spent traveling aimlessly on the brink of death. He couldn't find the strength to scream.

Kakarotto

He could still hear the screams echoing across the crashing waves of infinity. They were his first memory. He remembered the long hours of waiting to sleep, eyes clenched tight, trying in vain to drown out the noise. He had wept at his own helplessness. He could sense the weak power emanating from the crib beside him like a dull, throbbing headache. He shook his chubby little legs, trying in vain to escape the horrible noise.

Kakarotto

Still he could not escape that noise. Somehow the screaming in his brain had never stopped. He could never find a way to shut out the pain. He had been running so long. He could never run far enough. He had chased it across the universe, and still it eluded him. There was no hope.

Kakarotto

He reached with outstretched hands, trying to touch that elusive pain. His enemy had slipped away again. His enemy had a son, friends, and happiness. He had nothing. He did not even know what happiness was supposed to be. Perhaps it was the absence of pain. Even that would be Nirvana. The only control he ever had over his destiny was when the enormous force of ki tore through his muscles, and even then it was still pain. Sweet pain, familiar pain, but pain all the same.

The storm around him began to ebb, plummeting him from the height of darkness down into the light below. He fell with eyes wide, embracing the descent back into his living nightmare. Every day he still lived, and every day was darker than the last. He had often thought of taking his own life. In the end, he was too afraid. Maybe in the final darkness the phantoms would drag him down into a shrieking eternity. Maybe there was a better day ahead. In the depths of his shattered chest, that small hope still glowed faintly.

Burori opened his eyes, the memories of his nightmare fading from his weary mind. He put a hand to his chest, feeling the rhythmic beat of his traitorous heart. He wasn't dead yet. He sighed in a mix of relief and despair. Burori clenched his teeth in rage, his impotence like a crushing weight upon his shoulders. His body shuddered, the powerful ki refusing to ride the crest of his hate. He was a prisoner once more.

Burori closed his eyes, taking deep breaths to calm his relentless fury. His storm of thoughts slowly came under his control. His senses began to respond once more, creating tentative knowledge of his surroundings. He knew from his lack of power that he must be back in his cell. The grain of the cold metal floor against his hands felt hard and final, like a death sentence. The sickly green light blanketed everything with an alien glow. The sound of nervous breathing slipped into his ears, and he knew that he was not alone.

He looked up, scanning the room for his phantom companion. The cell was empty, save for the toilet and piles of rags that the other Saiya-jins had used for bedding. His eyes narrowed upon the rags, noting the tiny movements of cloth. He crept over to the other side of the room, examining the pile with quiet interest. He could see where the young woman had pulled some sheets over her, trying desperately to control her shivering so that he wouldn't see her. She was terrified of him. He crouched back, his heart aching at the thought of her fear. Gently he lifted one of the sheets.

With a scream Krinis scrambled backwards, trying to distance herself from the huge Saiya-jin warrior. Burori took one look at her and felt something seize up in his chest. Her eyes were filled with sheer terror. She was afraid of him. Even in her soft chocolate eyes he could see that he was a monster to her.

He reached out, holding out his hands with open palms to calm her fears. Krinis cowered before him, holding her trembling knees to her chest. He tried to think of something to say, something that could make her into the cheerful, smiling woman of before.

" Don't be afraid," he whispered softly, almost pleading to her.

" Stay back," she whimpered in reply, her entire body shaking.

Burori locked eyes with her, trying to see if there was any hope of redemption in those soothing dark pools. He could see the fear swimming in her eyes. He knew that he could not let go; that this moment would decide whether or not she would ever smile at him again. His eyes gazed deeply into hers, and she could see his sorrow, his regret, and his animal innocence. Her breathing began to slow, and her body ceased its trembling.

" Don't be afraid," he whispered again, reaching out and putting his huge, worn hands on her slender shoulders. He felt her body tighten beneath him, but he did not once look away from her beautiful dark eyes. Her muscles relaxed, letting his big hands rest upon them. Even through her simple cloth dress he could feel the warmth rising from her body. Somewhere in the back of his mind it registered that this was the first time he had ever touched a woman.

" Where is your father?" he asked, his voice now low and gentle.

" They took him to the medical bay," she sobbed, her voice coming out broken and tired. " They took him to the engine room to fuel the ship, but he's too old, and if they keep doing this to him they'll kill him."

" This is my fault," muttered Burori, looking down at the floor. He cursed himself for this new kind of pain that he felt eating through his chest. He had never felt regret before, but now it reaped its vengeance upon him.

" Why?" Krinis sobbed. Burori looked up at her, confused. Her face was etched with anger, confusion, and profound sadness.

" I don't understand," he mumbled, trying to pierce the mystery of her displeasure with him.

" Why did you do it?" she cried, pulling away from him. He cupped his hands, trying desperately to remember the feel of her body in them.

" I don't know...," he whispered.

" I don't believe you!" she shouted, tears streaming down her face. " You know what you did! Why? Why?"

" Krinis, please," he pleaded, trying to move closer to her.

" What are you, Burori?" she screamed as she stood and stepped away, leaving him kneeling before her with his hands raised like a lost child. "Why do you act like some kind of animal? Why did you do it? Why?"

He clenched his fists, her question burning through his mind. He wanted to deny her accusations, to tell her that she was wrong about his monstrous nature. He wanted to tell her that he was sane, that he was in control, that he was not to be feared. He wanted to tell her all of these things, but when he looked into her eyes he could not make his lips form the lies.

" Why?" he echoed as he slowly rose to his feet. He looked at her, and he felt the old hate running in his blood again. She was hurting him. " You want to know why?"

Krinis backed up against the wall, bracing herself for his fury.

" I have never known a moment of peace!" he roared, his voice resounding throughout the tiny cell. " My first memory is of pain! All I can remember is death and pain and slavery! The only time I don't want to tear open my own throat is when I can take my pain out upon the world!"

She trembled at his fury. He was a different person now, a raging beast in a cage. Burori fought back the urge to kill, to reach out and snuff out the source of his pain. He wanted her to know.

" Do you think that your life as a slave has been hard? Do you? The first thing I felt was not a mother's touch, or a father's embrace, but a knife in my throat! Do you know how that feels, Krinis? Do you?"

" Burori, stop it!" she screamed, her eyes wide with newfound fear.

" You want to know, do you? You want to know why? Can you imagine what it feels like to spend a night buried in garbage, buried and forgotten and bleeding? Your father wept for the death of his planet, but I was there Krinis, I was there!" He was now screaming at the top of his lungs, his voice booming down the cellblock. All of his muscles tightened with hate, old memories flooding through him. " I know what it was like to be tossed like a leaf in the wind, with the noise and the heat and splintering of earth! I know what it is like to live without purpose, to float in loneliness and madness! The only way to block out the pain was to destroy, and with everything I destroyed it became harder and harder to hold back the nightmares!"

" Burori, please, stop!"

" Do you love your father, Krinis? " he screamed at her, his eyes wide with rage. " Do you? Do you know what my father did, Krinis? He made me his slave! He used me as a pawn, as a weapon, as a..."

His voice trailed off as he collapsed to the floor. Sweat beaded on his forehead and he struggled for breath, but still he looked into Krinis's eyes. He wanted to find some way to show her the truth that lay buried inside his heart. She stepped towards him, wanting to come to his side but still fearful of the raging beast that he had become.

" Krinis, I am hate." With those words his body shuddered, and he winced in pain. The memories did not want to come forth, but he was forcing them now. Finally someone would know.

" Burori, stop," she whispered with tears in her eyes.

" Kakarotto," he muttered, pain thundering in his chest.

" What is that?" she asked as she knelt down beside him, trying to steady his failing body.

" He is my hate," he mumbled, his eyes becoming glassy. " He is my nightmare. He is the first pain, this ghost that I have never been able to escape. No matter where I go, I cannot get him out of my head." He gripped his temples, shaking his head back and forth. " He won't get out of my head."

" It's not your fault," Krinis whispered soothingly into his ear.

" Yes, yes it is," he retorted as he placed his hands down on the floor in front of him, regaining his balance. " It is my fault for being born. I can't stop it. I know how wretched I am, and how much I deserve to die..." his voice trailed off. He looked at Krinis. He felt tears run down his face as he looked into her deep brown eyes.

" I'm too afraid, Krinis. I'm too afraid to die, so I just go on living like a monster, killing, hurting, fighting, all just to keep from drowning in the pain." She leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He could feel her breath on his neck, and the flutter of her heart against his battered chest.

" It's ok, Burori, it's gonna be ok." She said it so calmly, so softly, so gently into his ear. Her body felt perfect against his, soft and comforting.

" Krinis, why don't you hate me?" he asked plaintively, his voice weak.

" I don't have any reason too," she whispered in reply.

" That's why I'm so afraid of you, Krinis," he said, a shiver running through his body. "I've never known anyone like you before, and I don't know what to do with you."

She looked up at him, brushing his hair away from his face. He looked so scared, like a little boy instead of an enormous man. Her fingers ran through his hair once more, and then ran down his cheek. She smiled at him, and he smiled faintly back.

" You could be my friend, you know," she said as she took her hand away from his face.

" I've never had a friend before, Krinis."

" Well, it's never to late to start," she replied with a broad smile.

" I'm so afraid, Krinis," he said softly in her ear. " Please, can we just stay this way, for a little while?"

She looked up at him with her wide, innocent eyes and nodded. He looked down at her, marveling at how small she was. He felt like he was slipping into her eyes, like he was swimming in those huge, dark pools, and that was the reason why his stomach was in knots. He knew that there were words to describe her, but none seemed right. All of the words he could say were of earthly things, things that measured and defined. She was different. She changed everything.

Burori put his hands on her sides, feeling the softness of her skin beneath her dress. She nestled into him tighter, her tiny heartbeat measuring the seconds that passed between them. There was no pain or doubt, just a strange sort of peace. He had never known any flurry of sensations that could match this. His heart raced like he was in the heat of battle, but there was no rage, no desperation. The entire world came into crystal clear focus, the soft sound of her breathing being the only thing he could hear. He wanted to stay like this forever, to never move or sleep again.

With his hand he stroked the side of her face, her skin feeling like silk under his fingers. His thoughts became strange and disjointed. He wondered if she would stay with him here, if maybe he would enjoy the rest of his days as a slave if he could spend them like this. He licked his lips, looking down at how peacefully she seemed wrapped around his muscled form. Something was missing. Nothing this powerful, this earth shattering, could happen without some formal ritual passing between them. He felt his face being drawn to hers, buried instincts pulling at his soul.

Krinis looked up at her mysterious companion with his dark eyes that seemed to have no bottom to their depth. His face was only inches from hers, his dark mane of hair falling over his shoulders around them both. She had never been this close to any man before, and here she was, with this strange man who was half animal and half child. He felt like a wall of muscle against her, but his touch was gentle, curious, and innocent.

They stared at each other for a moment, unsure of what to do. Burori gazed into her eyes intently, waiting for her to move. Krinis knew that she would only have to move her head a few inches to kiss him. She wanted to explore his lips, to find out what it was like to reach out and passionately embrace this wild man who had the heart of a boy. Every muscle in her body tensed in anticipation. She ran her fingers through his hair again, playing with the dark flowing locks. She couldn't kiss him. Not now. He was still too fragile, and she had never been with a man before.

Gently she slipped away from him, his eyes going soft with a sad mixture of disappointment and awe. Krinis bit her lip, wishing that she hadn't gone so far. Burori sighed deeply. He was, for the moment, content. She was still here with him.

" Did I do something wrong?" he asked with a blush.

" No, no, it's just... we're friends." She searched her heart for the right words, trying to think of what to say to this man who was so innocent and so jaded all at once. He smiled at her, and she felt her heart flutter.

" Friends," he repeated, testing the word in his own voice. " I could get used to having friends."

She laughed, and it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. He heard a strange sound blending with her laughter, and he realized that it was his own.

After years of wandering through hell, he had found paradise in the strangest of all places.

Back to the Formulations

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1