(They finally screech into the parking lot & run the whole way up the stairs to room 420 & burst in panting. Another case already appears to be under way. Judge Fookead is Arabian.)
Judge Fookead: Oh, it�s you people. How nice of you to drop in an hour early! Unfortunately, you�ll have to wait because I�m obviously in the middle of helping someone else sue for a ridiculous amount of money, so make like a cheeseburger & get the fock out!
Brian: What?!
(Ringo smacks himself on the forehead in an epiphany, hits himself too hard & winces.)
Ringo: Now I remember! Daylight savings time was yesterday!
George: Shit!
(John shakes his fist at the air.)
John: Damn you, Ben Franklin!
(So the Beatles & Brian resort to waiting in the lobby for an hour, smoking & eating stuff from the vending machines. Brian just paces about tirelessly.)
John: I hate waking up unnecessarily early.
Brian: How much do you think we�ll get sued for?
Paul: An exorbitant amount. Does it matter? We�ll be chasing dollars forever!
George: Isn�t it supposed to be pounds?
John: Oh, so the Writers are American, get on with it!
Paul: I never thought I�d say this, but I�ll never have children.
Ringo: Why�s that?
John: So they won�t inherit unpaid debts.
Paul: That�s right.
John: Or his face.
Paul: Shut up, you bastard! It�s bad enough we�re being sued without you harassing me every 5 � seconds.
Brian: You don�t look very worried, George.
George: Well it�s a possibility we�re only being sued for one cent. No, damn, I mean 1p!
John: Fucking optimist�
(Finally they�re called in & the case begins.)
J.F: To the right of the court are the plaintiffs, to the left the defendants. Allow me to list the plaintiffs & the reason or reasons they seek suit. <Ahem>! C3P-O, because he was gay before Brian; Michaelangelo for a plagiarized hairstyle; Bigfoot, for having his shoe size plagiarized by Ringo; Meghan Meek for being the original dumbass before George, who plagiarized her IQ, or lack of it; the makers of the movie Operation Pantyhose for having the first brightly colored submarine; Napoleon Bonaparte for having his height plagiarized by Ringo; Colin Hanton for having his idea of being a drummer with a fascination for rings plagiarized by Ringo; Ryan Hutchinson for having his perverted ideas plagiarized by Paul; A bunch of cows because Paul plagiarized their style of eyes; Brennen Wallick for having his monobrow plagiarized by George�
(& the list went on & on & on. When it was finally over�)
J.F: Now, you ruthless plagiarists; what have you got to say for yourselves, hmm?
John: This is BULLSHIT!!!
J.F: Odor in the court! Bailiff, take a shower once in a while, will ya?! & I know it�s bullshit but I don�t care. The total amount comes to, oh, about �10 million, including taxes & all that crap.
Paul: But we don�t have that kind of money! & what would cows do with all that spare change anyway?
Cow: Moo!
J.F: See, they have plans for it! You�ll have to pay up by Wednesday. In case you don�t understand how long that is because you�re all a bunch of sexually deficient ugly little stupidass British infidels, you have two days to cough up some buku bucks!
Brian: That is insane! I demand justice! You can�t-
J.F: Shut up, yer English!
George: But-
J.F: Shut it! This case is closed! Or was I �sposed to say meeting adjourned? Whatever, this thingy is done! You can do what you want now everyone!
George: But it�s Saturday so Wednesday is in four days, so we got extra time, right?
J.F: NO! You�ll have to get it in by Monday then!
Ringo: What gives you the right to fuck up our lives?
J.F: Number one, my religion permits me to. Number two, my name is better than yours, so I can do what I like. Three, I hate your music. But nothing personal.
(Brian starts an argument with J.F. that for some reason is so frantic it�s indecipherable. While that�s going on�)
Paul: Why did we have to spend all our money on the vending machines?!
(Suddenly a cow attacks Paul for no apparent reason.)
John: You stupid running hamburger! I�ll kill ya!
(John kicks the cow in the ass, then hits it over the head with a chair.)
Paul: Gee John, I didn�t know you cared about me!
John: I don�t. I�m protecting my investments.
Paul: Oh.
George: At least have the clothes on our backs!
Meghan Meek: That can be fixed. Hey, which one of you am I suing?
(The Beatles all point at the nearest random person so as to add to her idiocy.)
Brennen Wallick: What? Why are you pointing at me? What�s going on? What..?
(He wanders off in confusement. Brian�s argument ends. He lost.)
Meghan: Oh, all of you? I thought it was only one of you. Oh well!
Brian: Hey Meghan, can you loan us �10?
Meghan: Sure, why not?
(So she does.)
Brian: So now all we need is �9,999,990.
(A sudden draft rips the note from his hand & lands it in the ladies restroom, because the gods are not smiling on our anti-heroes today [nor many of their days].)
Paul: I�ll get it!
George: Not likely. You need to stay here with me�I need to write a letter now!
Ringo: Didn�t we test him for ADD?
Paul: Yeah but it�s not that. He was dropped on his head.
Ringo: No CPOKWDWH?
John: What the hell is �kapok-wood-woo�?
Ringo: CPOKWDWH is an anagram for Concerned Parents Of Kids Who Don�t Wear Helmets.
Brian: All right you four, let�s go before any more confrontations come up!
(As Brian turns to leave, he crashes headlong into C3P-O, knocking the android to the floor & calling the attentions of Luke Skywalker, only there to give his robot right to sue Brian.)
Luke: Hey, watch it, you big fuck! You could have broken him!
Brian: Ah shit�