LA VIE BOHEME B
(ROGER and MIMI exit. JOANNE reenters, obviously steamed.)
MAUREEN
Are we packed?
JOANNE
Yes and by next week
I want you to be
MAUREEN
Pookie?
JOANNE
And you should see
They've padlocked your building
And they're rioting on Avenue B
Benny called the cops
MAUREEN
That fuck!
JOANNE
They don't know what they're doing
The cops are sweeping the lot
But no one's leaving
They're just sitting there, mooing!
ALL
Yeah!!!
(Pandemonium erupts in the restaurant.)
To dance!
A GIRL
No way to make a living, masochism, pain, perfection
Muscle spasms, chiropractors, short careers, eating disorders!
ALL
Film!
MARK
Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations,
Dark rooms, perfect faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze!
ALL
Music!
ANGEL
Food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation,
Rhythm, feeling, power, harmony, and heavy competition!
ALL
Anarchy!
COLLINS AND MAUREEN
Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions,
Forcing changes, risk, and danger
Making noise and making pleas!
ALL
To faggots, lezzies, dykes, cross dressers too
MAUREEN
To me
MARK
To me
COLLINS AND ANGEL
To me
ALL
To you, and you and you, you and you
To people living with, living with, living with
Not dying from disease
Let he among us without sin
Be the first to condemn
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
MARK
Anyone out of the mainstream
Is anyone in the mainstream?
Anyone alive--with a sex drive
OTHERS
La vie boheme
La vie boheme
La vie boheme
MARK
Tear down the wall
Aren't we all?
The opposite of war isn't peace...
It's creation!
ALL
La vie Boheme
MARK
The riot continues. The Christmas tree goes up in flames.
The snow dances. Oblivious, Mimi and Roger share a small,
lovely kiss
ALL
Viva la vie Boheme!
ACT II
(The COMPANY enters from all directions and forms a line
across the apron of the stage.)
SEASONS OF LOVE
COMPANY
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure -- measure a year?
In daylights -- In sunsets
In midnights -- In cups of coffee
In inches -- In miles
In laughter -- In strife
In -- Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?
How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love
SOLOIST #1
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?
SOLOIST #2
In truths that she learned
Or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she died
ALL
It's time now - to sing out
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love
Remember the love
Remember the love
Measure in love
SOLOIST #1
Measure, measure your life in love
Seasons of love ...
Seasons of love
HAPPY NEW YEAR
(New Year's Eve. The scene opens on the street outside the apartment.
One table, lying on its end, serves as the door.)
MARK (carrying mock door)
Pan to the padlocked door. New Year's Rocking Eve. The breaking-back-into-the-building party...
(ROGER and MIMI try in vain to pry a padlock from the door.
They appear to be happy.)
MIMI
How long till next year?
ROGER
Three and half minutes...
MIMI
I'm giving up my vices
I'm going back -- back to school
Eviction or not
This week's been so hot
That long as I've got you
I know I'll be cool
I couldn't crack the love code, dear
'Til you made the lock on my heart explode
It's gonna be a happy new year
A happy new year
(MARK enters the scene.)
MARK
Coast is clear
You're supposed to be working
That's for midnight
Where are they?
There isn't much time
MIMI
Maybe they're dressing
I mean what does one wear that's apropos
For a party -- that's also a crime
(MAUREEN enters wearing a skintight "cat burgular" suit
and carrying a bag of potato chips.)
MAUREEN
Chips, anyone?
MARK
You can take the girl out of Hicksville
But you can't take the Hicksville out of the girl
MAUREEN
My riot got you on TV
I deserve a royalty
MIMI
Be nice you two
Or no god awful champagne
(MAUREEN takes out a cellular phone and dials.)
MAUREEN
Don't mind if I do
No luck?
ROGER
Bolted plywood, padlocked with a chain
A total dead end
MAUREEN
Just like my ex-girlfriend
(on cellular phone)
Honey...?
I know you're there ...
Please pick up the phone
Are you okay?
It's not funny
It's not fair
How can I atone?
Are you okay?
I lose control
But I can learn to behave
Give me one more chance
Let me be your slave
I'll kiss your Doc Martens
Let me kiss your Doc Martens
Your every wish I will obey
(JOANNE enters)
JOANNE
That might be okay
Down girl
Heel...stay
I did a bit of research
With my friends at legal aid
Technically, you're squatters
There's hope
But just in case
(JOANNE whips out...)
MARK AND JOANNE
Rope!
MARK (pointing off)
We can hoist a line --
JOANNE
To the fire escape --
MARK
And tie off at...
MARK AND JOANNE
That bench!
MAUREEN
I can't take them as chums
JOANNE
Start hoisting...wench
(All three cross upstage and attempt to throw up the length
of rope over a plank. ROGER and MIMI are laughing
and holding each other.)
ROGER
I think I should be laughing
Yet I forget
Forget how to begin
I'm feeling something inside
And yet I still can't decide
If I should hide
Or make a wide open grin
Last week I wanted just to disappear
My life was dust
But now it just may be a happy new year
A happy new year
(COLLINS enters with ANGEL. COLLINS, dressed in black
and wearing sunglasses, carries a bottle of champagne.
ANGEL wears a plastic dress and blonde wig:
a small blowtorch is slung over his shoulder.)
COLLINS
Bond -- James Bond
ANGEL
And Pussy Galore -- in person
MIMI
Pussy -- you came prepared
ANGEL
I was a boy scout once
And a brownie
'Til some brat got scared
COLLINS (to MIMI)
Aha! Moneypenny -- my martini!
MIMI
Will bad champagne do?
ROGER
That's shaken -- not stirred
COLLINS
Pussy -- the bolts
(COLLINS takes a swig of champagne as ANGEL grabs the blowtorch.)
ANGEL
Just say the word!
(ANGEL turns on the blowtorch.)
MIMI
Two minutes left to execute our plan
COLLINS
Where's everyone else?
ROGER
Playing Spiderman
MARK
Ironic close up: tight
On the phone machine's red light
Once the Boho boys are gone
The power mysteriously comes on
VOICE MAIL #3
(Lights up on MRS. COHEN, who's standing on a chair
and holding up a phone.)
MRS. COHEN
Mark, it's the wicked witch of the west your mother
Happy new year from Scarsdale
We're all impressed that the riot footage
Made the nightly news
Even your father says Mazeltov
Honey -- call him
Love, Mom
(MRS. COHEN, stepping off the chair,
passes the phone to ALEXI DARLING.)
ALEXI DARLING (on the chair)
Mark Cohen
Alexi Darling from Buzzline
MARK
Oh, that show's so sleazy.
ALEXI DARLING
Your footage on the riots: A-one
Feature segment -- network -- dealtime
I'm sending you a contract
Ker-ching ker-ching
Marky give us a call 970-4301
Or at home try 863-6754
Or -- my cell phone at 919-763-0090
Or -- you can e-mail me
At Darling Alexi Newscom dot net
Or -- you can page me at --
(Beeeep!)
HAPPY NEW YEAR B
MAUREEN
I think we need an agent!
MARK
We?
JOANNE
That's selling out
MARK
But it's nice to dream
MAUREEN
Yeah -- it's network TV
And it's all thanks to me
MARK
Somehow I think I smell
The whiff of a scheme
JOANNE
Me too
MAUREEN
We can plan another protest
JOANNE
We?!
MAUREEN
This time you can shoot from the start... (to MARK)
You'll direct (to JOANNE)
Starring me!
(Lights shift back to downstairs.)
ALL
5, 4, 3... Open sesame!!
(The door falls away, revealing MARK, JOANNE, and MAUREEN.)
Happy new year
Happy new year
Happy new...
BENNY (entering)
I see that you've beaten me to the punch
ROGER
How did you know we'd be here?
BENNY
I had a hunch
MARK
You're not mad?
BENNY
I'm here to end this war
It's a shame you went and destroyed the door
MIMI
Why all the sudden the big about face
BENNY
The credit is yours
You made a good case
ROGER
What case?
BENNY
Mimi came to see me
And she had much to say
MIMI
That's not how you put it at all yesterday
BENNY
I couldn't stop thinking about the whole mess
Mark -- you want to get this on film
MARK (picking up his camera)
I guess
BENNY
I regret the unlucky circumstances
Of the past seven days
ROGER
Circumstance? You padlocked our door
BENNY
And it's with great pleasure
On behalf of CyberArts
That I hand you this key
(BENNY hands him the key.)
ANGEL
Golf claps
(They oblige.)
MARK
I have no juice in my battery
BENNY
Reshoot
ROGER
I see -- this is a photo opportunity
MAUREEN
The benevolent god
Ushers the poor artists back to their flat
Were you planning on taking down the barbed wire
From the lot, too?
ROGER
Anything but that!
BENNY
Clearing the lot was a safety concern
We break ground this month
But you can return
MAUREEN
That's why you're here with people you hate
Instead of with Muffy at Muffy's estate
BENNY
I'd honestly rather be with you tonight than in Westport --
ROGER
Spare us old sport, the soundbite
BENNY
Mimi -- since your was are so seductive
MIMI
You came on to me!
BENNY
Persuade him not to be so counterproductive
ROGER
Liar!
BENNY
Why not tell them what you wore to my place?
MIMI
I was on my way to work
BENNY
Black leather and lace!
My desk was a mess
I think I'm still sore
MIMI
Cause I kicked him and told him I wasn't his whore!
BENNY
Does your boyfriend know
Who your last boyfriend was?
ROGER
I'm not her boyfriend
I don't care what she does
ANGEL
People! Is this any way to start a new year?
Have compassion
Benny just lost his cat
BENNY
My dog -- but I appreciate that
ANGEL
My cat had a fall
And I went through hell
BENNY
It's like losing a --
How did you know that she fell?
COLLINS
(Hands BENNY a glass of champagne)
Champagne?
BENNY
Don't mind if I do
To dogs!
ALL BUT BENNY
No, Benny -- To you!
ANGEL
Let's make a resolution
MIMI
I'll drink to that
COLLINS
Let's always stay friends
JOANNE
Tho' we may have our disputes
MAUREEN
This family tree's got deep roots
MARK
Friendship is thicker than blood
ROGER
That depends
MIMI
Depends on trust
ROGER
Depends on true devotion
JOANNE
Depends on love
MARK (to ROGER)
Depends on not denying emotion
ROGER
Perhaps
ALL
It's gonna be a happy new year
ROGER
I guess
ALL
It's gonna be a happy new year
ROGER
You're right
(ANGEL brings ROGER and MIMI together.
ANGEL and others move away from MIMI and ROGER.)
ANGEL
It's gonna be a happy new year
ROGER AND MIMI
I'm sorry
ROGER
Coming?
MIMI
In a minute -- I'm fine -- go
(ROGER kisses MIMI and exits. THE MAN appears.)
THE MAN
Well, well, well. What have we here?
(He walks over to MIMI and holds out a small plastic bag of white powder.)
It's gonna be a happy new year
There, there...etc.
(Fade out.)
TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME
(Any location and Joanne's loft)
MARK
Valentine's Day...Pan across the empty lot.
Roger's down at Mimi's, where he's been for almost two months now--
although he keeps talking about selling his guitar
and heading out of town...Still jealous of Benny...
God knows where Collins and Angel are...Could be that new
Shanty Town near the river or a suite at the
Plaza...Maureen and Joanne are rehearsing...
JOANNE
I said once more from the top!
MAUREEN
I said no!
MARK
That is, if they're speaking this week. Me? I'm here. Nowhere.
(Lights up on the scene.)
JOANNE
The line is 'Cyber Arts and its corporate sponsor,
Grey Communications, would like to mitigate the
Christmas Eve riots.' What is so difficult...?
MAUREEN
It just doesn't roll off my tongue. I like my version.!
JOANNE
You -- dressed as a ground hog. To protest the ground breaking!
MAUREEN
It's a metaphor!
JOANNE
Well, it's less than brilliant!
MAUREEN
That's it, Ms. Ivy League!
JOANNE
What?!
MAUREEN
Ever since New Year's, I haven't said boo.
I let you direct, I didn't pierce my nipples because it grossed you out!
I didn't stay and dance at the Clit Club that night, 'cause
you wanted to go home...
JOANNE
You were flirting with the woman in rubber!
MAUREEN
That's what this is about!? There will always be women in rubber,
flirting with me... Gimme a break.
Every single day
I walk down the street
I hear people say,
"Baby's so sweet"
Ever since puberty
Everybody stares at me
Boys - girls
I can't can't help it baby
So be kind
Don't lose your mind
Just remember that I'm your baby
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
Take me baby or leave me
A tiger in a cage
Can never see the sun
This diva needs her stage
Baby - let's have fun!
You are the one I choose
Folks'd kill to fill your shoes
You love the limelight too, baby
So be mine
Or don't waste my time
Cryin' -- "Honeybear -- are you still my baby?"
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
No way -- can I be what I'm not
But hey -- don't you want your girl hot!
Don't fight -- don't lose your head
Cause every night -- who's in your bed?
Who's in your bed, baby?
(Pouts in JOANNE's direction)
Kiss, Pookie.
JOANNE
It won't work.
I look before I leap
I love margins and discipline
I make lists in my sleep
Baby what's my sin?
Never quit -- I follow through
I hate mess -- but I love you
What to do
With my impromptu baby?
So be wise
This girl satisfies
You've got a prize
But don't compromise
You're one lucky baby
Take me for what I am
MAUREEN
A control freak
JOANNE
Who I was meant to be
MAUREEN
A snob -- yet over-attentive
JOANNE
And if you give a damn
MAUREEN
A lovable, droll geek
JOANNE
Take me baby or leave me
MAUREEN
And anal retentive
BOTH
That's it!
JOANNE
The straw that breaks my back
BOTH
I quit
JOANNE
Unless you take it back
BOTH
Women
MAUREEN
What is it about them?
BOTH
Can't live --
With them --
Or without them!
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
Take me baby
Or leave me
Guess I'm leavin'
I'm gone!
(They both sit.)
SEASONS OF LOVE B
COMPANY
In diapers -- report cards
In spoke wheels -- in speeding tickets
In contracts -- dollars
In funerals -- in births
In -- five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you figure
A last year on earth?
Figure in love
Figure in love
Figure in love
Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love
WITHOUT YOU (Mimi's Apartment)
(Three beds appear downstage. One, a hospital bed,
is occupied by ANGEL. ROGER sits on another, JOANNE on the third.
MIMI approaches ROGER,
and then appears to be in a hurry.)
ROGER
Where were you?
MIMI
I'm sorry I'm late...
ROGER (interrupting)
I know. You lost your keys. No, you went for a walk;
you had to help your mother. (As he picks up the guitar)
And how's Benny? I'm gonna work upstairs tonight.
MIMI
Wait...
I should tell you
I should ...
Never mind...
ROGER
Happy Spring
(ROGER exits. MIMI pulls out a just-purchased stash
and angrily flings it across the room. A
s she sings the following, a stylized "musical beds" is
choreographed around her; during the bridge of the song,
COLLINS carries ANGEL from the hospital bed and ROGER takes his place.
By the end of the song, MAUREEN and JOANNE are reunited,
as are ROGER and MIMI. COLLINS and ANGEL have lain down together,
where ANGEL dies.)
MIMI
Without you
The ground thaws
The rain falls
The grass grows
Without you
The seeds root
The flowers bloom
The children play
The stars gleam
The poets dream
The eagles fly
Without you
The earth turns
The sun burns
But I die
Without you
Without you
The breeze warms
The girl smiles
The cloud moves
Without you
The tides change
The boys run
The oceans crash
The crowds roar
The days soar
The babies cry
Without you
The moon glows
The river flows
But I die
Without you
ROGER
The world revives
MIMI
Colors renew
BOTH
But I know blue
Only blue
Lonely blue
Within me, blue
Without you
MIMI
Without you
The hand gropes
The ear hears
The pulse beats
ROGER
Without you
The eyes gaze
The legs walk
The lungs breathe
BOTH
The mind churns
The heart yearns
The tears dry
Without you
Life goes on
But I'm gone
Cause I die
ROGER
Without you
MIMI
Without you
ROGER
Without you
BOTH
Without you
VOICE MAIL #4 (The loft. The phone rings...)
ROGER AND MARK'S ANSWERING MACHINE
"Speak" ... ("Beeeep!")
ALEXI DARLING
Mark Cohen
Alexi Darling
Labor Day weekend
In East Hampton
On the beach
Just saw Alec Baldwin
Told him you say hi
Just kidding
We still need directors
You still need money
You know you need money
Pick up the phone
Don't be afraid of ker-ching ker-ching
Marky -- sell us your soul
Just kidding
We're waiting...
CONTACT (Various fantasy bed locales)
(The COMPANY forms two main groups. As the music begins,
a group of dancers start a sensual life and death dance,
while a group of actors gather around a table centerstage
to speak words of passion which punctuate the dancing.
Eventually, the actors converge on the table and cover themselves
with a white sheet, while moving to the music.)
GROUP A (ROGER, MARK, JOANNE, BENNY)
Hot-hot-hot-sweat-sweet
Wet-wet-wet-red-heat
Hot-hot-hot-sweat-sweet
Wet-wet-wet-red-heat
Please don't stop please
Please don't stop stop
Stop stop stop don't
Please please please please
Hot-hot-hot-sweat-sweet
Wet-wet-wet-red-heat
Sticky-licky-trickle-tickle
Steamy-creamy-stroking-soaking
GROUP B (MIMI, COLLINS, MAUREEN, ANGEL)
Hot-hot-hot-sweat-sweet
Wet-wet-wet-red-heat
COLLINS
Touch!
MAUREEN
Taste!
MIMI
Deep!
COLLINS
Dark!
MAUREEN
Kiss!
COLLINS
Beg!
MIMI
Slap!
MIMI, MAUREEN AND COLLINS
Fear!
COLLINS
Thick!
COLLINS, MIMI AND MAUREEN
Red, red
Red, red
Red, red -- please
MAUREEN
Harder
ANGEL
Faster
MAUREEN
Wetter
MIMI
Bastard!
COLLINS
You whore!
MAUREEN
You cannibal!
MIMI AND ANGEL
More!
MAUREEN
You animal!
MAUREEN, COLLINS AND MIMI
Fluid no fluid no contact yes
No contact
ALL
Fire fire burn--burn yes!
No latex rubber rubber
Fire latex rubber latex bummer
Lover bummer
(The music explodes into a fevered rhythmic heat as
ANGEL is revealed in a lone spotlight, dancing wildly.)
ANGEL
Take me
Take me
Today for you
Tomorrow for me
Today me
Tomorrow you
Tomorrow you
Love
you
Love you
I love
You I love
You!
Take me
Take me
I love you
(The music dies as ANGEL vanishes.)
ROGER'S VOICE
Um
JOANNE'S VOICE
Wait
MIMI'S VOICE
Slipped
COLLINS' VOICE
Shit
JOANNE'S VOICE
Ow!
ROGER'S VOICE
Where'd it go?
MIMI'S VOICE
Safe
COLLINS' VOICE
Damn
MAUREEN'S VOICE
I think I missed
Don't get pissed
ALL
It was bad for me -- was it bad for you?
JOANNE
It's over
MAUREEN
It's over
ROGER
It's over
MIMI
It's over
COLLINS
It's over
I'LL COVER YOU (REPRISE) (In a church. Angel's memorial)
MIMI
Angel was one of my closest friends. It's right that it's Halloween,
because it was her favorite holiday. I knew we'd hit it off from
the moment we met. That skin head was bothering her, and she said
she was more of a man than he'd ever be, and more of a woman than
he'd ever get...
MARK
...and then there was that time that he walked up
to this group of tourists... and, they were petrified, because,
a) they were obviously lost, and b) they had probably
never spoken to a drag queen before in their lives...and he..
.she just offered to escort them out of Alphabet City, and then
she let them take a picture with her, and then
she said she'd help 'em find the Circle Line...
MAUREEN
...so much more original then any of us...
you'd find an old table cloth on the street and make a dress...
and next year, sure enough -- they'd be mass producing them at
the Gap. You always said how lucky you were that we were all friends.
But it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones.
COLLINS
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover
And I'll cover you
Open your door -- I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage to lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there -- I'll cover you
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you were, my love, on life
All my life
I've longed to discover
Something as true
As this is
(The following is sung simultaneously.)
JOANNE AND SOLOIST
So with a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you with a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you with a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you iwht a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
COLLINS
If you're cold and you're lonely
You've got one nickel only
When you're worn out and tired
When your heart has expired
COMPANY
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred -- measure a year
Oh lover I'll cover you
Oh lover I'll cover you
COLLINS AND COMPANY
Oh lover
I'll cover you
Oh lover
COLLINS
I'll cover you
COMPANY
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand seasons of love
COLLINS
I'll cover you
HALLOWEEN (Outside the church)
MARK
(On the pay phone)
Hi. It's Mark Cohen. Is Alexi there?...No, don't bother her.
Just tell her I'm running a little late for our appointment...
Yes, I'm still coming... Yes, I signed the contract...
Thanks...
How did we get here?
How the hell...
Pan left -- close on the steeple of the church
How did I get here?
How the hell...
Christmas
Christmas Eve -- last year
How could a night so frozen be so scalding hot?
How can a morning this mild be so raw?
Why are entire years strewn
On the cutting room floor of memory
When single frames from one magic night
Forever flicker in close-up
On the 3D Imax of my mind
That's poetic
That's pathetic
Why did Mimi knock on Roger's door
And Collins choose that phone booth
Back where Angel set up his drums
Why did Maureen's equipment break down
Why am I the witness
And when I capture it on film
Will it mean that it's the end
And I'm alone
