EVERYBODY'S GOT THE RIGHT PROPRIETOR Hey, pal- feelin' blue? Don't know what to do? Hey, pal- I mean you- yeah.C'mere and kill a president. No job? Cupboard bare? one room, no one there? Hey, pal, don't despair- You wanna shoot a president? c'mon and shoot a president... Some guys Think they can be winners. First prize often goes to rank beginners. CZOLGOSZ How much? PROPRIETOR Four-fifty. Ivor johnson. .32. Rubber handle. Owls stamped on the sides. CZOLGOSZ All right, give me. PROPRIETOR Hey, kid, failed your test? Dream girl unimpressed? Show her you're the best If you can shoot a president- You can get the prize With the big blue eyes, Skinny little thighs And those big blue eyes... Everybody's Got the right To be happy. Don't stay mad, Life's not as bad As it seems. If you keep your Goal in sight, You can climb to Any height. Everybody's Got the right To their dreams... HINCKLEY Deal CZOLGOSZ Mister- HINCLKEY I said "deal" CZOLGOSZ You. Wait your turn. HINCKLEY It is my turn. CZOLGOSZ I was here first- PROPRIETOR Watch it now, no violence! PROPRIETOR Hey, fella, Feel like you're a failure? Bailiff on your tail? Your Wife run off for good? Hey, fella, fell misunderstood? C'mere and kill a president... GUITEAU Okay! ZANGARA Marron... PROPRIETOR What's-a wrong, boy? Boss-a treat you crummy? Trouble with your tummy? This-a bring you some relief. Here, give some hail-a to da chief- ZANGARA You gimme prize- PROPRIETOR Anything you want. ZANGARA I want prize. You gimme prize! PROPRIETOR Only eight bucks. Cheap for "anything you want." Everybody's Got the right To be different Even though At times they go To extremes. Aim for what you want a lot- Everybody Gets a shot. Everybody's Got a right To their dreams- Yo, baby! Looking for a thrill? The Ferris Wheel is that way. No, baby, This requires skill- Okay, you want to give it a try... Jeez, lady-! Give the guy some room! The bumper cars are that way.. Please, lady- Don't forget that guns can go boom... PROPRIETOR Hey, gang, Look who's here. There's our Pioneer. Hey, chief. Lound and clear: BOOTH Everybody's Got the right To be happy. Say, "Enough!" It's not as tough As it seems. Don't be scared You won't prevail, Everybody's Free to fail, No one can be put in jail For their dreams. Free country-! PROPRIETOR -Means your dreams can come true: BOOTH Be a scholar- PROPRIETOR Make a dollar- BOOTH, PROPRIETOR Free country-! BOOTH -Means they'll listen to you: PROPRIETOR Scream and holler- BOOTH Grab 'em by the collar! BOOTH, PROPRIETOR Free country-! BOOTH -Means you dont have to sit- PROPRIETOR That's it! BOOTH -And put up with the shit. ASSASSINS Everybody's Got the right To some sun shine- BOOTH Everybody... ASSASSINS Not the sun But maybe one Of its beams. One of its beams. ALL Rich man, poor man Black or white, pick your apple, Take a bite, Everybody Just hold tight To your dreams. Everybody's Got the right To their dreams... THE BALLAD OF BOOTH BALLADEER Someone tell the story, Someone sing the song. Every now and then The country Goes a little wrong. Every now and then A madman's Bound to come along. Doesn't stop the story- Story's pretty strong. Doesn't change the song... Johnny Booth was a handsome devil, Got up in his rings and fancy silks. Had him a temper but kept it level. Everybody called him Wilkes. Why did you do it, Johnny? Nobody agrees. You who had everything, What made you bring A nation to its knees? Some say it was your voice had gone, Some say it was booze. Some say you killed a coutry, John, Because of bad reviews. Johnny lived with a grace and glitter. Kind of like the lives he lived on stage. Died in a barn in pain and bitter Twenty-seven years of age. Why did you do it, Johnny, Throw it all away? Why did you do it, boy, Not just destroy The pride and joy Of Illinois, But all the U.S.A.? Your brother made you jealous, John, You couldn't fill his shoes. Was that the reason, tell us, John- Along with bad reviews. BOOTH Damn! HEROLD They're coming! they'll be here any minute- BOOTH I need your help. I've got to write this and I can't hold the pen HEROLD Johnny, they've found us! We've got to get out of here! BOOTH Not till I finish this. HEROLD Johnny- BOOTH No! Have you seen these papers? Do you know what they're calling me?! A common cutthroat! A hired assassin! This one says I'm mad! HEROLD We must have been mad to think that we could kill the president and get away with it! BOOTH We did get away with it! He was a bloody tyrant and we brought him down! And I will not have history think I did it for a bag of gold or in some kind of rabid fit! HEROLD Johnny we have to go- BOOTH No! I have to make my case! And I need you to take it down! HEROLD We don't have time! BOOTH Take it down- An indictment. Of the former President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln, who is herein charged with the following high crimes and misdemeanors. BALLADEER They say you're ship was sinking, John... BOOTH One: That you did ruthlessly provoke a war between the States, which cost some six hundred thousand of my countrymen their lives. Two: BALLADEER You'd started missing cues... BOOTH Two: That you did silence your critics in the North, by hurling them into prison without benefit of charge or trial. Three- BALLADEER They say it wasn't Lincoln, John. BOOTH Shut up! Three- BALLADEER You'd merely had a slew of bad Reviews- BOOTH I said shut up! VOICE Booth! I have fifty soldiers out here Booth! Give yourselves up or we'll set fire to the barn! HEROLD Don't shoot! I'm coming out! BOOTH No! I have given my life for one act, you understand? Do not let history rob me of its meaning. Pass on the truth! You're the only one wo can. Please... BALLADEER He said "Damn you Lincoln, You had your way- BOOTH Tell'em, boy! BALLADEER With blood you drew out Of blue and gray!" BOOTH Tell it all! Tell'em till they listen! BALLADEER He said, "Damn you, Lincoln, And damn the day You threw the 'U' out Of U.S.A!" He said: BOOTH Hunt me down, smear my name, say I did it for the fame, What I did was kill the man who killed my country. Now the Southland will mend, Now this bloody war can end, Because someone slew th tyrant Just as Brutus slew the tyrant- BALLADEER He said: BALLADEER, BOOTH Damn you, Lincoln, You righteous whore! BOOTH Tell'em! Tell'em what he did! BALLADEER, BOOTH You turned your spite into Civil War! BOOTH Tell'em! Tell'em the truth! BALLADEER And more... BOOTH Tell'em, boy! Tell them how it happened, How the end doesn't mean that it's over, How surrender is not the end! Tell them: Hoe the country is not what it was, Where there's blood in the clover, How the nation can never again Be the hope that it was. How the bruises may never be healed, How the wounds are forever, How the How we gave up the field But we still wouldn't yield, How the union can never recover From that Vulgar, High and mighty Niggerlover, Never-! Never. Never. Never. No, the country is not what it was... Damn my soul if you must, Let my body turn to dust, Let it mingle with the ashes of the country. Let them curse me to hell, Leave it to history to tell: What I did, I did well, And I did it for my country. Let them cry, "dirty traitor!" They will understand it later- The country is not what it was... BALLADEER Johnny Booth was a headstrong fellow, Even he believed the things he said. Some called him noble, some said yellow. What he was was off his head. How could you do it,Johnny, Calling it a cause? You left a legacy Of butchery And treason we Took eagerly, And thought you'd get applause. But traitors just get jeers and boos, Not visits to their graves, While Lincoln, who got mixed reviews, Beacause of you, John, now gets only raves. Damn, you Johnny, You paved the way For other madmen To make us pay. Lots of madmen Have had their say- But only for a day. Listen to the stories. Hear it in the songs. Angry men Don't write the rules And guns don't write the wrongs. Hurts a while, But soon the country's Back where it belongs, And that's the truth. Still and all, Damn you Booth! HOW I SAVED ROOSEVELT RADIO ANNOUNCER That was President-elect Franklin D. Roosevelt, ladies and gentlemen, speaking to a crowd of supporters here in Miami's beautiful Bayfront Park. A group of notables are pressing in around the President-elect's car. There's Mayor Anton Cermak of Chicago, and- There's been a shot! I can't see-wait! Mr. Roosevelt is waving! He's all right! But Mayor Cermak has been hit! The police have somebody in custody. An immigrant. Giuseppe Zangara. We take you now to a group of eyewitnesses who will tell us what they saw! BYSTANDER #1 We're crowded up close, And I see this guy, He's squeezing by, I catch his eye, I say to him, "Where do you Think you are trying to go, boy? Whoa, boy!" I say, "Listen, you runt, You're not pulling that stunt, No gentleman pushes his way to the front." I say, "Move to the back!", which he does with a grunt- Which is how I saved Roosevelt! BYSTANDER #2 Then- Well, I'm in my seat, I get up to clap, I feel this tap, I turn-this sap, He says he can't see, I say, "Find a lap And go sit on it!" Which is how I saved- BYSTANDER #3 Then- He started to swear And he climbed on a chair, He was aiming a gun-I was standing right there- So I pushed it as hard as I could in the air, Which is how I saved Roosevelt! ALL THREE Lucky I was there- BYSTANDER #1 That's why he was standing back so far-! BYSTANDER #3 That's why when he aimed, He missed the car-! ALL THREE Just lucky I was there, Or we'd have been left Bereft of F.D.R.! ZANGARA You think that I scare? No scare. You think that I care? No care. I look at the world- No good. No fair. Nowhere. When I am boy, No school. I work in a ditch, No chance. The smart and the rich Ride by, Don't give no glance. Ever since then, because of them, I have the sickness in the stomach, Which is the way I make my idea To go out and kill Roosevelt. First I was figure I kill Hoover, I get even for the Stomach. Only Hoover up in Washington. Is wintertime in washington, Too cold for the stomach in Washington- I go down to Miami Kill Roosevelt. No laugh! No funny! Men with the money, they control everything. Roosevelt, Hoover- No make no difference. You think I care who I kill? I no care who I kill, Long as it's King! BYSTANDER #4 (MAN) The crowd's breaking up And I hear these shots, And I mean lots- BYSTANDER #5 (HIS WIFE) I thought I'd plotz- MAN I spotted hi- WIFE My stomach was tied in knots- MAN So I barrelled- WIFE Harold-! No, happened was this: He was blowong a kiss- MAN She means Roosevelt- WIFE I was saying to Harold, "This weather is bliss!" MAN When you think that we might have missed seeing Him miss-! BOTH Lucky we were there! WIFE It was a historical event-! MAN Worth every penny that we spent! BYSTANDERS Just lucky we were there! BYSTANDER #1 To think, if I let him get up closer-! BYSTANDER #3 I saw right awat he was insane_ Oh, this is my husband, we're from Maine- BYSTANDER #2 He told me to sit, but I said, "No, Sir!" BYSTANDER #4 This makes our vacation a real success! BYSTANDER #5 Are you with the press? PHOTOGRAPHER Yes. BYSTANDER #5 Oh God, I'm a mess... BYSTANDER #1 Some left wing foreigner, that's my guess- ZANGARA No left! You think I am left? No left, no right, No anything! Only American! Zangara have nothing, No luck, no girl, Zangara no smart, no school, But Zangara no foreign tool, Zangara American! American nothing! And why there no photographers? For Zangara no photographers! Only capitalists get photographers!GUN SONG CZOLGOSZ It takes a lot of men to make a gun, Hundreds, Many men to make a gun: Men in the mines To dig the uron, Men in the mills To forge the steel, Men at machines To turn the barrel, Mold the trigger, Shape the wheel- It takes a lot of men to make a gun... One gun... BOOTH And all you have to do Is move you little finger, Move your little finger and- You can change the world. Why should you be blue When You've you little finger? Prove how just a little finger Can change the world. CZOLGOSZ I hate this gun... GUITEAU What a wonder is a gun! What a versatile invention! First of all, when you've a gun- Everybody pays attention. When you think what must be done, Think of all that it can do: Remove a scoundrel, Unite a party, Oreserve the Union, Promote the sales of my book, Insure my future, My niche in history, And then the world will see That I am not a man to overlook! Ha-ha! GUITEAU,BOOTH,CZOLGOSZ And all you have to do Is squeeze your little finger. Ease your little finger back- You can change the world. Whatever else is true, You trust your little finger. Just a single little finger Can change the world. MOORE I got this really great gun- Shit, where is it? No, it's really great- Wait- Shit, where is it? Anyway It's just a .38- But- It's a gun. You can make a statement- Wrong- With a gun- Even if you fail. It telss 'em who you are Where you stand. This one was on sale. It- no not the shoe- Well, actually the shoe was, too. No, that's not it- Shit, I had it here- Got it! Yeah! There it is! And- ALL All you have to do Is crook your little finger, Hook your little finger 'round- MOORE Shit, I shot it... OTHERS - You can change the world. QUARTET Simply follow through, And look, you little finger Can Slow them down To a crawl, Show them all, Big and small, It took a little finger No time To change the world. CZOLGOSZ A gun kills many men before it's done, Hundreds, Long before you shoot the gun: Men in the mines And in the steel mills, Men at machines, Who died for what? Somthing to buy- A watch, a shoe, a gun, A thing to make the bosses richer, But A gun claims many men before it's done... Just One More... BALLAD OF CZOLGOSZ BALLADEER Czolgosz, Working man, Born in the middle of Michigan, Woke with a thought And away he ran To the Pan-American Exposition In Buffalo, In Buffalo. Saw of a sudden How things were run, Said, "Time's a-wasting It's nineteen-one. Some men have everything And some have none, So rise and shine- In the U.S.A. You can work your way To the head of the line!" ATTENDANT Single line, ladies and gentlemen. Line forms here to meet the President of the United States. Single line to shake hands with President William McKinley. BALLADEER Czolgosz, Quiet man, Worked out a quiet And simple plan, Strolled of a morning All spick and span, To the Temple Of Music By the Tower Of Light At the Pan-American Exposition In Buffalo, In Buffalo. Saw Bill McKinley there In the sun. Heard Bill McKinley say, "Folks, have fun! Some men have everything And some have none, But that's just fine: in the U.S.A. You can work your way To the head of the line!" CROWD Big Bill-! BALLADEER -Gave 'em a thrill. CROWD Big Bill-! BALLADEER -Sold 'em a bill. CROWD Big Bill-! BALLADEER -Who'd want to kill A man of good will Like-? CROWD Big Bill! FAIRGOER #1 Doesn't the President look Marvelous? So round and prosperous! FAIRGOER #2 Do you know what his favorite dish is? It was in the paer. Beef. FAIRGOER #3 I'm told that in his spare time he enjoys collecting coins! BALLADEER Czolgosz, Angry man, Said, "I will do what A poor man can. Yes, and there's nowhere More fitting than In the Temple Of Music By the Tower Of Light Between the Fountain Of Abundance And the Court of Lilies At the great Pan-American Exposition In Buffalo, In Buffalo. Wrapped him a handkerchief "round his gun, Said, "Nothin' wrong about What I done. Some men have everything And some have none- That's by design. The idea wasn't mine alone, But mine, And that's the sign: In the U.S.A. You can have your say, You can set you goals And seize the day, You've been given the freedom To work your way To the head of the line- To the head of the line!" UNWORTHY OF YOUR LOVE HINCKLEY I am nothing, You are wind and water and sky, Jodie. Tell me, Jodie, How I can earn you love. I would swim oceans, I would move mountains, I would do anything for you. What do you want me to do? I am unworthy of your love, Jodie, Jodie, Let me prove worthy of you love. Tell me how I can earn your love, Ste me free. How can I turn your love To me? FROMME I am nothing, You are wind and devil and God, Cahrlie, Take my blood and my body For your love. Let me feel fire, Let me drink poison, Tell me to tear my heart in two, If that's what you want me to do... I am unworthy of you love, Charlie darlin', I have done nothing for your love. Let me be worthy of your love, Set me free- HINCKLEY I would come take you from you life... FROMME I would some take you from your cell... HINCKLEY You would be queen to me, not wife... FROMME I would crawl belly deep through hell... HINCKLEY Baby, I'd die for you... FROMME Baby, I'd die for you... HINCKLEY Even though- FROMME Even though- HINCKLEY FROMME I will always know: I will always know: I am unworthy of I am unworthy of Your love, Your love, Jodie darlin', Charlie darlin', BOTH Let me worthy of your love. I'll find a way to earn your love, Wait and see. Then you will turn your love to me, Your love to me... THE BALLAD OF GUITEAU GUITEAU I am going to the Lordy, I am so glad. I am going to the Lordy, I am so glad. I am going to the Lordy, Glory Hallelujah! Glory Hallelujah! I am going to the Lordy... BALLADEER Come all ye Christians, And hear from sinner: Charlie Guiteau. Bound and determined He'd wind up a winner, Charlie had dreams That he wouldn't let go. Said, "Nothing to it, I want it, I'll do it, I'm Charles J. Guiteau." Charlie Guiteau Never said "Never" Or heard the word "No." Faced with disaster, His heart would beat faster, His smile would just grow, And he'd say: GUITEAU Look on the bright side, Look on the bright side, Sit on the right side Of the lord. This is the land of Opportunity, He is your lightning, You his sword. Wait till you see tomorrow, Tomorrow you'll get you reward! You can be sad Or you can be President- Look on the bright side... I am going to the Lordy... BALLADEER Charlie Guiteau Drew a crowd to his trial, Led them in prayer, Said, "I killed Garfield, I'll make no denial. I was just acting for someone up there. The Lord's my employer, And now He's my lawyer, So do what you dare." Charlie said, "Hell, If I am guilty, Then God is as well." But God was aquitted And Charlie committed Until he should hang. Still, he sang: GUITEAU Look on the bright side, Not on the black side. Get off your backside, Shine those shoes! This is you golden Opportunity: You are the lightning And you're news! Wait till you see tomorrow, Tomorrow you won't be ignored! You could be pardoned, You could be President- Look on the bright side... I am going to the Lordy... BALLADEER Charlie Guiteau Had a crowd at the scaffold- GUITEAU I am so glad... BALLADEER -Filled up the square, Som many people That tickets were raffled. Shine on his shoes Charlie mounted the stair, Said, "Never sorrow, Just wait till tomorrow, Today isn't fair. Don't despair..." GUITEAU Look on the bright side, Look on the bright side, Sit on the right side... Of the... I am going to the Lordy, I am so glad! I am going to the Lordy, I am so glad! I have unified my party, I have saved my country. I shall be remembered! I am going to the Lordy... BALLADEER Look on the bright side, Not on the sad side, Inside the bad side Something's good! This is you golden Opportunity: You've been a preacher- GUITEAU Yes, I have! BALLADEER You've been an author- GUITEAU Yes, I have! BALLADEER You've been a killer- GUITEAU Yes, I have! BALLADEER You could be an angel_ GUITEAU Yes, I could! BALLADEER Just wait until tomorrow, Tomorrow they'll all climb aboard! What if you never Got to be President? You'll be remembered- Look on the bright side- Trust in tomorrow- BOTH And the Lord! ANOTHER NATIONAL ANTHEM CZOLGOSZ I did it because it was wrong for one man to have so much service when other men have none... BOOTH I did it to bring down the government of Abraham Lincoln and to avenge the ravaged South... HINCKLEY I did it to prove to her my everlasting love... FROMME I did it to make them listen to Charlie... ZANGARA I did it 'cause my belly was on fire... GUITEAU I did it to preserve the Union and promote the sale of my book... MOORE I did it so my friends would know where I was coming from... BYCK Where's my prize? CZOLGOSZ I did it because no on cared about the poor man's pain... MOORE I did it so I'd know where I was coming from... BYCK I want my prize... ZANGARA I did it 'cause the bosses made my belly burn... HINCKLEY I did it so she'd pay attention... MOORE So I'd have someplace to come from, and someplace to go... BYCK Don't I get a prize? GUITEAU I did it 'cause they said I'b be Ambassador to France... BOOTH I did it so they'd suffer in the North the way we'd suffered in the South... BYCK I deserve a fucking prize!... FROMME I did it so there'd be a trial, and Charlie would get to be a witness, and he'd be on TV, and he'd save the world!... GUITEAU Where's my prize? BYCK I did it to make people listen. CZOLGOSZ,FROMME They promised me a prize... HINCKLEY Because she wouldn't take my phone calls- ALL(Except Zangara) What about my prize? ZANGARA Because nothing stopped the fire-! ALL(Except Byck) I want my prize!... BYCK Nobody would listen! BALLADEER And it didn't mean a nickel, You just shed a little blood, And a lot of people shed a lot of tears. Yes, you made a little moment And you stirred a little mud- But it didn't fix the stomach And you've drunk you're drunk you're final bud, And it didn't help the workers And it didn't heal the country And it didn't make them listen And they never said, "We're Sorry"- BYCK Yeah, it's never gonna happen, Is it? No, sir- CZOLGOSZ Never. BYCK No, we're never gonna get the prize- FROMME No one listens... BYCK -Are we? ZANGARA Never. BYCK No, it doesn't make a bit of difference, Does it? OTHERS(Variously) Didn't. Ever. BYCK Fuck it! OTHERS Spread the word... ALL Where's my prize?... BALLADEER I just heard On the news Where the mailman won the lottery. Goes to show: When you lose, what you do is try again. You can be What you choose, From a mailman to a president. There are prizes all around you, If you're wise enough to see: The delivery boy's on Wall Street, And the the usherette's a rock star- BYCK Right, it's never gonna happen, is it? Is it! HINCKLEY,FROMME No, man! BYCK,CZOLGOSZ No, we'll never see the day arrive- ASSASSINS(Variously) Spread the word... Will we? No, sir- Never! No one's ever even gonna care if we're alive, Are they?... Never... Spread the word... We're alive... Someone's gonna listen... Listen! BYCK Listen... There's anothe national anthem playing, Not the one you cheer At the ball park. MOORE Where's my prize?... BYCK It's the other national anthem, saying, If you want to hear- It says, "Bullshit!"... CZOLGOSZ It says, "Never!"- GUITEAU It says, "Sorry!"- OTHERS Loud and clear- ASSASSINS(Variously) It says: Listen To the tune that keeps sounding In the distance, on the outside, Coming through the ground, To the hearts that go on pounding To the sound Getting louder every year- Listen to the sound... Take a look around... We're the other national anthem, folks, The ones that can't get in To the ball park. Spread the word... There's another national anthem, folks, For those who never win, For the suckers, for the pikers, For the ones who might have been... BALLADEER There are those who love regetting, There are those who like extremes, There are those who thrive on chaos And despair. There are those who keep forgetting How the country's buitl on dreams- ASSASSINS People listen... BALLADEER -And the mailman won the lottery- ASSASSINS They might not want to hear it, But they listen, Once they thinks it's gonna stop the game... BALLADEER -And the usherette's a rock star. ASSASSINS No, they may not understand All the words, All the same They hear the music... They hear the screams... BALLADEER I've got news- ASSASSINS They hear the sobs, They hear the drums... BALLADEER -You forgot about the country- ASSASSINS The muffled drums, The muffled dreams... BALLADEER -So it's now forgotten you- ASSASSINS And they rise... BYCK You know why I did it? Because there isn't any Santa Clause! ASSASSINS Where's my prize? BALLADEER And you forgot- ASSASSINS What's my prize? BALLADEER -How quick it heals- ASSASSINS Promises and lies... BALLADEER -That it's a place Where you can make the lies come true- ASSASSINS Spread the word... BALLADEER -If you try- ASSASSINS Gotta spread the word... BALLADEER -That's all you have to do- ASSASSINS Right, All you have to do... Well, there's another national anthem, And I think it just began In the ball park. Listen hard... Like the other national anthem Say to each and every fan: If you can't do what you want to, Then you do the things you can. You've got to try again! Like they say, You've go to keep on trying Every day Until you get a prize... Until you get a prize... Until you're heard... Musn't get discouraged... Spread the word... Mustn't give up hope... Up to you- Don't say- -What you choose... -It's never gonna happen... Spread the word... ALL You can always get a prize... BOOTH You can always get your dream... BYCK Sure, the mailman won the lottery...
BYSTANDERS No Right! Lucky No Fair I was there! Nowhere! So what? I'm on the front page- Is that bizarre? No sorry! And all of those pictures, Like a star! And soon no Just lucky I was there! Zangara! We might have been left Who care? Bereft of F. Pull switch! No care, D. No more, No- R.