Announcer: Coming to you live from your suspicious gut
Singers: DJ Dan
Announcer: You�re listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man!
DJ Dan: Damn right I�m shutting it down! �Cuz they�re lying and I�m not! Welcome, Conspiraspies, to hour two of �you ask, I answer�, caller one�
Dennis: Dennis from Butte (?). Love the show.
DJ Dan: Can�t hide from the truth Dennis. Scam, hoax, or conspiracy�you ask, I answer�
Dennis: OK. How about plate tectonics?
DJ Dan: SCAM! Two words�earthquake insurance. Don�t buy it! Next�
Frank: Frank from Roswell, New Mexico.
DJ Dan: Careful, Frank�s throwing out the subliminal UFO frequencies�you ask, I answer Frank.
Frank: War of the Worlds radio broadcast?
DJ Dan: Oooh, Frank. You little devil. Tonya, my producer at large, what�s your take on that?
Tonya: Hoax.
DJ Dan: WRONG! Conspiracy masquerading as a hoax. That was, what, ah, 1938 Frank?
Frank: Ahh, don�t know. (?)
DJ Dan: SHUTDOWN! It WAS 1938. The first color photos of Mars had just come in and, shock of shocks, the thing looks like a �frackin� Christmas tree. Nothing but red rocks and green heads. Now the US government alien agenda doesn�t want a real panic, so what do they do? They get Orson Welles to do War of the Worlds, get it? They cause a fake panic, expose it as a hoax, and everything goes back to normal. A couple years later, when the pictures do leak, everybody thinks it�s another hoax, but that�s the truth. And Welles uses alien film making technology to make �Citizen Kane�, you heard it here first folks. Next caller�
Jessica: Jessica from Boise, Idaho.
DJ Dan: Little known fact: Idaho itself is a hoax. What�cha wearin� Jessica?
Jessica: My �Conspiraspy� T-shirt, DJ Dan.
DJ Dan: Ooooh, Jessica�you ask, I answer.
Jessica: What about cryogenics?
DJ Dan: Oooh, boy. Cryogenics�someone just had to go there, didn�t they? For anyone who doesn�t know already, this is how cryogenics works: you die, they freeze you�and then, the scientists of the future thaw you and cure whatever disease killed you in the first place�I swear, people are really doing this. People like, ah, Uncle Walt�frozen like the Matterhorn�people like baseball legend Ted Williams�he froze his head, I guess one day they�ll thaw Ted�s head, screw it in a robot body and the Red Sox will finally win the Series.
Tonya: Dan, the Red Sox did win the Series�about a year and a half ago.
DJ Dan: Really? I�m a geek Tonya, not a sports geek, but I can do you one better. Try this on for size: Alvar Hanso. Yeeah, conspiraspies! It�s yet another story accounting for the whereabouts of your favorite arms dealer turned maaad scientist�we�ve heard it all: Hanso�s a figurehead, your proverbial �Mr. Cluck�, he�s floating in orbit�a VIP guest on the Mir space station and so on. But this one, it comes from inside the organization. According to my source, �ol Alvar�s in the deep freeze in the Hanso Foundation�s lab near Phoenix, Arizona. Now this makes sense�this explains why the guy hasn�t been spotted in years. Now, I�m gonna get serious�we like to have our fun, but when it comes to the Hanso Foundation�consider this the brussel sprouts portion of the DJ Dan nutritious meal, folks. Now, if you know my show, you know that if the Hanso Foundation is doing something�it is not good. Sure, they want you to believe they�re saving humanity with their top secret science projects but�we�re smarter than that. And thanks to the hacker, Persephone, we now have proof! We all know what�s really going on, don�t we? Frozen or cooked, I don�t want you thinking for one second that Alvar Hanso and his cronies are any less dangerous. Anyway�as you can see these cryogenics people really get me. These Hanso Foundation, and their ilk, prey on the weak and the sick and I want you to SHUT IT DOWN! So my suggestion to you�stay warm, dear conspiraspy, drink a cup of cocoa�and for goodness sake, don�t freeze your head!! That�s all you got�
Announcer: You�re listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man!
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