Announcer: Coming to you live from the part of you that refuses to lie down...
Singers: DJ Dan
Announcer: You're listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man...
DJ Dan: No, no, no, no Tonya...Darwinian evolution is a lie. Intelligent design is a bigger lie to make evolution look like less of a lie. I'm sick of it and I'm shutting it down. Sarah from Cleveland, go...
Sarah: Ah, hi DJ Dan. Ah, I'm a fan, but are saying evolution is fake, like birds don't come from dinosaurs?
DJ Dan: Ah, no...I'm saying there's more to it than that. That the mega science corporations, they want us to believe that the unnatural work they're doing, their genetic engineering, is just part of "Ma Nature"'s master plan. Take the Hanso Foundation, if you're a loyal listener Sar you know I have issues with this bunch of crazy monkeys. Now I'm aware some of the stuff we talk about on the show is a little fuzzy around the edges. But the Hanso Foundation, these guys are as real a threat as we've seen, I've been saying it for years, but now...the hacker Persephone, she's serving us all up a batch of proof pudding. The Hanso Foundation, you've seen their ads...they're bringing us a better future, science is gonna save the world, blah blah blah blah blah...and I say don't believe it.
Sarah: Oh...why not?
DJ Dan: Why not? Definitely not because company founder Alvar Hanso, an arms dealer with ties to the original Atom Bomb, refuses to release any true details about any of his programs. Oh definitely not because their letch spokesman, Hugh McIntyre, refuses to say one word about their elided human rights violations. No...because everyday we become more and more advanced, we get closer to the end these Hanso Foundation "preverts" say they're gonna prevent. And genetic engineering...you know what that is? Changing our DNA to give our babies blue eyes instead of brown or to give them the know-how to juggle flaming bowling pins in the cradle...it's all a lie. Do you know what happens when you start shuffling your genes around...no...nobody does! But, I've seen those steroid cases...guys whose growth plates have turned back on...they're Neanderthals! There are consequences to our actions, people! Don't you see...they want us all to look the same...to be ashamed of who we are and where we're from...because once they've done that to us, once they've let us just give away our individuality, they're gonna swoop down from the sky and take over without a fight! Now we've got Lou from Chicago...Deep Dish Louis, convince me otherwise, come on...
Lou: Hi Dan. I think you're overreacting. I mean, look, I have a birthmark or two, one looks like a potato and the other looks like Italy...
DJ Dan: The "boot" or Sardinia?
Lou: Actually, ah, Tuscany...
DJ Dan: Good one...
Lou: But, I've always wished they...they could be more like tattoos. Couldn't we play with the DNA and give our kids some like cool birthmarks?
DJ Dan: So, so, ah, what are you talking about...maybe a family crest, a cute little bird, how about a barcode so we can keep track, huh, is that what you want?
Lou: Yeah...
DJ Dan: Well, congrats Louis, you just made my top three...DUMBEST THINGS I'VE EVER HEARD! SHUTDOWN! Who's next?
Richard: Richard from Alexandria, Virginia.
DJ Dan: Ricky Dick from Alexandria.
Richard: Listen Dan, I heard what your last caller said about the tattoos and I think people are already doing that, but with animals.
DJ Dan: And, uh...what do you mean, Dick?
Richard: I mean I was diving off the Great Barrier Reef last year and we came upon this shark, right? Its reef thing is toast (?)...and on its tail is like, ah, well not a tattoo, it's, it's like this black octagon with some word on it that starts with a "D". Thing's pretty rotted away (?)...
DJ Dan: Dick, Dick, Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick...tell me you got pictures of that shark...
Richard: Of course, I can send right over...
DJ Dan: You know what I think, Dick, I think you're CONSPIRASPY OF THE MONTH! We gotta take a break...
Tonya: Wait a minute, Dan?
DJ Dan: What?
Tonya: I've got a caller here...says he has to talk to you right now!
DJ Dan: Really? Well, what are you waiting for, Tonya, put him back on, come on... Caller, you're shutting down the man!
Man: You're going to want to be more careful, Dan.
DJ Dan: Uh, okay, and who am I speaking with?
Man: You think you can just keep taking shots at the Hanso Foundation with no fear of retaliation?
DJ Dan: Uh, once again, who are you and why are you calling me?
Man: You think you're safe to smear good people because you broadcast from different locations...like the 2nd floor motel room you're in right now off of the 5 Freeway, driving your green Jeep Compass, license plate...
DJ Dan: HEY HEY HEY, EASY THERE LITTLE TROLL...hey, hey! What's this about?
Man: It's about your fragile life, how easily it can be exposed the way you claim to expose others...
DJ Dan: That's enough, that's enough!
Man: How easily your address and your real name and where you really work and your wife...
DJ Dan: (Interrupting) No...that's enough...hey, hey...I'm not...THAT'S ENOUGH!! Hey, are you one of their goons? Is that what this is about? Well, you can tell your boss I ain't backing down! This is not the first threatening call I've gotten, buddy, not by a long shot! My real name is DJ Dan, my location is inside your web of lies, and my job is shutting you down...
Man: Dan...you've been warned...
DJ Dan: Wow, uh, uh, did you hear that Tonya? I guess we've been warned...well that was special. You didn't think there was proof before, there you have it folks. DJ Dan...I guess I better name a successor.
Announcer: You're listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man!
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