Announcer: Coming to you live from Area 51
Singers: DJ Dan
Announcer: You're listening to DJ Dan � Shutting Down the Man
DJ Dan: Milton From Fresno, please tell me you're not still there
Milton: I'm still here DJ Dan.
DJ Dan: Tanya You're fired
Tanya: I'll leave when you start paying me
DJ Dan: Ha ha, Tanya, okay Milty, before I kick you off, you were saying something
Milton: I was saying I think Persephone is just some hacker from one of the Hanso Foundation's comptetitors.
DJ Dan: Oh, so you think the Hanso Foundation is what some kinda innocent victim in all this?
Milton: Noooo, I'm just saying, how do you know they've done anything wrong?
DJ Dan: How do I know? How do YOU know you wanna stay away from the business end of a skunk, Milty? How do you know old Mrs. Withers is gunna hand out pennies every Halloween? You just do, SHUT DOWN! Alright, time for DJ Dan 101. Don't you get it people. The Hanso foundation, their competitors? They are the man. AND THE MAN DON'T HACK THE MAN! It's simple folks: All the man wants is for you to keep working and keep kicking your hard earned wage to him and his (something) classed cronies. And I'm not talking corporations and governments. I'm talking global MEGA corporations, META governments, people who's scope goes beyond nations, beyond planets. Don't you see? If they can control what you think, what you feel, what you see, then they can do anything they want. They're hiding the truth because they know if we know what they know, we'll SHUT 'EM DOWN! So they keep us busy doing nothing. Thornton from Seattle, go ahead.
Thornton: I don't get it DJ Dan, how can you talk about the man when you're the biggest corporate sellout of all? You're website's covered in ads for Jeep, Sprite�
DJ Dan: And Monster.com, so what? If you ask me, sponsors are a pretty small concession to be made for my voice to be heard. I mean, who says I gotta wear a sackcloth and walk around barefoot to fight the man, huh?
Thonrton: These are mom and pop stores you're supportin' Dan, you've got...
DJ Dan: Sprite's a competitor! These days there's more beverages than ever, so why do I like Sprite? 'cause it's delicious� 'cause I like LYMON, 'cause saying it makes me feel cool� And what's wrong with helping American's get jobs? How do you think I got this job? Monster.com� That's what the Internet is good for conspiraspies, finding loonies like me to appeal to the hearts and minds of loonies like you. And my Jeep? I love my Jeep Compass. Do I ever go off road? No. But, do I live with a sense of security knowing my four wheel Jeep Compass will get me and my family to safety when the bombs fall and the highways buckle? You bet your ad new(?) I do! But enough of that, as long as we're teaching DJ Dan 101, I want to talk about something else. So I go to the old mailbag this morning and I find a letter from Jessica in Reno, NV and I quote: "I listened to your show on rapid weight loss, DJ Dan and I can't understand why you hate science so much."
Tanya: Oh SNAP.
DJ Dan: Oh snap, indeed, Tanya. How many times do I have to repeat, I do not hate science. It's science that let's me broadcast from the road moving from secret location to secret location with only my laptop and the wind in my, um, scalp� my trusty mike, and of course Tanya, who Lord knows is a wonder of science, herself.
Tanya: It's called the gym, DJ Dan.
DJ Dan: noooo Tanya, it's you versus gravity, according to routines established by scientists, who understand the mechanics of the human body, and what a body it is Tanya.
Tanya: Ah, shucks, DJ Dan.
DJ Dan: However, if science offered a way for me to look like Tanya, with just a snip of the genes, a wave of the scalpel, would I take that offer? No. No way, and trust me, ask my wife, she'd much rather have Tanya coming home to her than me. She says I walk heavy.
Tanya: Get carpet.
DJ Dan: That is with carpet. Look, you see Tanya? The man, people like the Hanso Foundation, they've made us think that science and technology are the answers to every single one of our problems, just push a button, it'll be okay. But it won't be okay. Jessica, to answer your question, I don't hate science. I'm afraid of science. I'm afraid of the consequences of a science that moves so fast that we don't have a chance to stop and think and analyze what's going on. We have blind faith in the people who already rendered the product we bought 5 minutes ago obsolete by rolling out version 2.0 3 minutes ago! So if I get that surgery and gene therapy and walk out looking like Tanya do they care if I melt into a hoodwinked puddle in 3 weeks? NO! 'Cause I'm lost. I'm a corporate recall. I'm an intermediary step between Tanya and the Tanya-Disco-Trip-Hop remix. And why? 'Cause I stopped asking questions. This is DJ Dan, making way for his hotter, younger replacement, DJ Dave.
Announcer: You're listening to DJ Dan. Shutting down the Man.
Jeep Compass Commercial