Announcer: Coming to you live from the Astral** Plane
(**astro could be the word (still undesided)**)
Singers: DJ Dan
Announce: You're listening to DJ Dan Shutting Down the Man
DJ Dan: Okay, okay, okay so my little conspiraspies listen to this one there's something rotten in the state that used to be part of Denmark. I'm talkin' Iceland. I'm talkin' what's become the hottest nightlife destination north of the equator. I'm talkin' the south beach of the North Atlantic. Hey, as far as my wife knows, I've never been to Iceland, you know what I mean? I think you do. Now, if you know anything about Iceland, you know they barely have a police force. Why? These people barely know what crime is I mean they let Bjork walk the streets, right Tonya? You like Bjork?
Tonya: Wait, was she in her duck outfit?
DJ Dan: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha� You know That aside, trust me they got their share of crimes, and it's going on right under their noses and nobodies doing anything about well I'm here to change that. I'm here to talk about the unreported crimes of Iceland's very own Vik Institute Mental Hospital funded by none other than
(dramatic music)
Announcer: The Hanso Foundation
DJ Dan: Yup. The Hanso Foundation. These are the guys. You see them on TV? They're building a bridge to a glowing future of peace. They're harnessing the atom to give us nuclear genius children. You get it. They're the altruistic society of researchers started by this Alvar Hanso who used to make machines of war and apparently got hit with a case of the guilty gears and thought "Hey! I'm gunna start anew!". But you know what they say about leopards, they bite you in the neck. Or is that white tigers? I don't know. The point being what is going on at the Vik Institute? No one really knows, but thanks to the work of a hacker known only as Persephone we're starting to get a picture. We've got a disgruntled head of the hospital Doctor Armand Zander who sends a letter to Dr. Thomas Mittlewerk, Alvar Hanso's pitbull demanding what's going on at his own facility. Go to the Hanso site right now and change the hack in the Mental Health Appeal, it'll blow your mind. Right off the bat Zander calls himself a prisoner in a hall of mirrors and he goes on to talk about autistic savant patients being administered secret proprietary memory tests. I mean, just what is going on? I don't know, but I say we shut 'em down. Marissa from Trenton, go ahead!
Marissa: Hey DJ Danny, what if the Hanso Foundation really isn't up to anything at all?
DJ DAN: SHUTDOWN! Come on people! I'm reading off the darn website. Jorge from Portland how's that microbrew?
Jorge: It's all gone, DJ Dan. Dan, I'm on the page right now. I'm wondering, what's autistic savants, again? Well uh, it varies, but a lot of times they're like human calculators. Have you ever seen Rainman, Jorge?
Jorge: Ya
DJ Dan: You tryin' to be cute, Jorge?
Jorge: Ya, ha, ha, ha, ha, ya.
DJ Dan: SHUTDOWN! Tonya are you even screening these calls?
Tonya: Screening the calls.
DJ Dan: oh, come on Tonya, not you too. Okay, you're getting back at me for telling your age on the air last week, aren't you.
Tonya: Screening the calls.
DJ Dan: I said you were a young 30. Tom from Orlando, bring me the magic.
Tom: Hey DJ Dan. So, I think I've got it figured out.
DJ Dan: Do tell.
Tom: Well, I was just imagining if I'm Mittlewerk, and I'm calculating some top secret stuff.
DJ Dan: Yeah, like what.
Tom: Like, I don't know (someone in the background says nuclear fusion) Nuclear Fusion.
(Bong Noise?)
DJ Dan: (laughing) okay get on with it, come on!
Tom: I'm calculating nuclear fusion and I've got a history of getting in trouble, so the one thing I DON'T want to do or have is a data record of what I'm doing.
DJ Dan: Okay, so what you're saying here, is you you don't use a computer at all?
Tom: Exactly.. ha ha ha� I do it in my head, or in the case of the Vik Institute, I get these autistic savants to do it in THEIR head.
DJ Dan: Yeah, but the thing is with autistic savants, that you can never really know what they're actually capable of doing at see.
Tom: So I subject them to proprietary memory tests
DJ Dan: Tom� Nice! I like it! And I'm givin' your reefer stinkin' ass conspiraspy of the month! You hear that Tonya?
Tonya: Conspiraspy of the Month.
Dj Dan: Ah, can we sign up Tom as Conspiraspy of the Month.
Tonya: Conspiraspy of the Month.
DJ Dan: Tonya, please are you really that mad at me?
Tonya: Conspiraspy of the Month.
DJ Dan: Yeah, yeah, it looks like the inmates are running the asylum folks. DJ Dan, brb.
Announcer: You're listening to DJ Dan, Shutting Down the Man.