Web exclusive 5/20/02

A Very Frustrating Dialogue

All Harry Potter fans get this spring is the video of a movie they've already seen. But devotees of A Series of Unfortunate Events, America's second most popular children's series, get Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography--allegedly bursting with clues to the plot against orphans Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire. But don't expect tips from Daniel Handler, who has sold 4 million books using the Snicket pseudonym.

The new book quotes a passage from Ramona Quimby, Age 8, about a man who treats the Quimby family to dinner. But he's just a kindly old man, correct?

Well, that's the way Beverly Cleary has described him. I described him in a somewhat different circumstance.

Is he someone we know from your earlier books?

Well, he's part of an organization that we might recognize.

And is Ramona herself part of the conspiracy?

I hope the books will encourage people interested in completely mapping the conspiracy to read every book critically and perhaps find more and more people who seem to be involved.

Can I read you a quote from the Horn Book, eminent journal of children's literature?

[Sigh.] Ahhh, the Horn Book.

"Though formulaic, the darkly humorous volumes show continuing character development."

I was taught that if you have nothing nice to say you should only say it to your closest friends.

The secret cult V.F.D. is key in your books. You won't tell me what it stands for, will you?

No, I guess not. Quite a few people have written me with the correct answer. If you're reading carefully enough, it seems to be a problem that one can solve.

How about a hint for our readers?

Each letter stands for something.

My 13-year-old daughter said Lemony's autobiography made her think too hard and made her head hurt. What do you prescribe for her?

Well, ibuprofen, if it's a serious problem. I hope the autobiography will encourage more questions than it will answer.

I've heard tell of a Baudelaire movie in the works--a musical?

I always think that melancholy songs tend to add quality.

How can you do a movie before you finish writing the series?

I hope that the movie will be a sort of separate entity, a companion piece, if you will. There will be things in the books that aren't in the movie and things in the movie that aren't in the books.

Is that a family name, Lemony?

Well, Mr. Snicket's been too busy to start a family, but maybe someday it'll be a family name.

Can we trust Lemony Snicket?

I think that if you mean is he going to do you wrong, the answer is no, [he won't]. But if the question is, can he be relied upon for a ride to the airport, I would say so many things happen to him it would be best to call a cab.

Mr. Snicket is one of the very few authors to feature a strong infant character--Sunny, the toothsome baby.

I always think that the character of Sunny is probably the most realistic out of all the characters. I don't have any children of my own so I don't have a lot of direct experience with a baby, but from babies I've met, I feel that biting things and speaking in a language most people find difficult to understand seems to be mostly what they do. I guess maybe when Sunny climbs up an elevator shaft that might be stretching credibility somewhat.

There is a joke about a character being as "welcome as a WASP at a bat mitzvah" in an early Baudelaire book. Is there a Jewish subtext to your books?

I think any story that deals with noble people helplessly outnumbered by a conspiracy of evil would have to have a Jewish subtext, but I'm Jewish so maybe that's just why I think that.

Are the Baudelaires Jewish?

I think that if you had that many terrible things happen to you, you'd probably become an atheist.

Are the Baudelaire orphans alive today?

Mr. Snicket is always researching their whereabouts, and he does always seem to be quite behind. He cannot verify where they are at the present moment, and if anyone has information, they would be advised to come forward.

How should they come forward?

With extreme caution.

So you're definitely not telling me anything?

Well, that's sort of my job. I'm sorry it's at odds with yours, but what can you do? You can just pretend you're a plumber and I'm some rusty thing.

Is a Baudelaire parent still alive?

Is that what you've figured out?

No, I'm just asking.

Oh, I'm sorry we seem to have a bad connection. KEECKH. Keeckh. Keeckh. Nice to meet you.

-Marc Silver