SophomoreReview

Sophomore Year in Review: life is odd but oh-so-awesome.
5/11/04

It feels rather odd to be living in the same place at the end of a semester and not packing everything I own in order to move again. I'm settled, I'm happy, and damnit, I'm staying put. Thanks to these past two semesters, I feel like I should be graduating by now. I suppose going to 3 colleges in 2 years will do that to you.

As with USC, I'm really glad I went through the whole Piedmont thing, even if it wasn't what I wanted. I still had some character-building, personality-shaping, friendship-making experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything. I'd never wanted to go to a college that small, and I discovered that I was correct in believing that. There's only so much to do, only so many people to meet. But MY GOD did I love the friends I made! Still do! I don't see them anywhere near enough, but I know they're just an hour away. Hopping from college to college has given me plenty of insight and made clear the fact that most things are not the big deal we make them out to be. Sure, if I had gone to UGA from the beginning, life would have been incredibly easier. But the people I've met and all the things I've done make the trouble worthwhile.

This year further proved my theory that you shouldn't worry too much about where life takes you (and especially how you get there) as long as you're armed with a sense of humor about it all. I had an OK time at South Carolina, a terrible time at Piedmont over the summer, and an awesome time at Piedmont in the fall. Even the bad experiences gave me funny stories to tell. My search for happiness has led me through some fun and trying times and left me with the knowledge that there's not much truly worth getting upset about. Sure, I cried for days when I realized I'd have to stay at Piedmont, but that was before I met Deanna, Laurie, kelly, Dave, Anthony, Galia, Haley, Dave, Justin, Aubrey, Wade, and Crystal, my Hetero Life Partner (haha!).

You will end up where you're supposed to. You will have adventures, you will risk it all, and you'll be miserable. But just keep the idea in the corner of your mind that "eh, it'll be ok," and it will be. You know you deserve happiness, so why settle for anything less? I had a thought the other day that if the whole journalist thing doesn't work out, I think I'd be ok. I could open a store, or I could follow my semi-secret love of interior design. Hell, I could become a flight attendant (pilots have too many buttons and levers to deal with). Basically I'm going through the whole "What I want to be when I grow up" stage now, at age 20, instead of at age 7, when you're supposed to.

But even that, I suspect, is an evil plot to make us unhappy. If I felt like I had to do one thing, follow one path, I'd be devastated if it didn't work out. I know that happiness is more than what you do, and it has quite a bit to do with how you think.

I suppose that the big shock of my freshman year (or one of them, anyway) was realizing that I would not have the typical all-four-years-at-one-college experience that all students are led to envision. Once I let that go, things got easier. The shock of this year is realizing that, most likely, I will not graduate in four years. So not only am I not an all-four-years-at-one-college girl, I'm a more-than-four-years-at-three-colleges girl. But hey, that's just how my life is working out, and I'm ok with that.

I love my life and I know there are so many things I still have to do, but I'm not on a schedule. I will get back to Italy and to Paris (this time with an elementary understanding du francais!), I will live in New York, I will own my own home or something like it, I will buy my own car. After falling off my life's schedule many a time, I know that scheduling and planning your years is no way to live. It's so tedious.

Yet another thing that feels odd is that I have no group of girlfriends here. I didn't in high school and I was perfectly fine, so it was weird when I found myself with one in college. Had a group of girls at USC, had one at Piedmont, but when I got to UGA, I found myself adopted by Nolan and Jeff's group, which proved to be a fun-yet-odd (odd seems to be the theme here) situation. I hang out with all of them, but it's hard to get close to anyone, simply because I sort of dropped in on everyone. I'm not unhappy, though. I don't feel unfulfilled. I just feel like it's one more thing from which to learn. During finals week, I looked around at people and had that familiar feeling of, "This is it. I'll never see them again. Oh well." Snapping out of it, I realized, "Wait a second! I could very well see ALL of these people again! There's no reason to feel all nostalgic!"

In terms of people, I can't write a year in review and not talk about boys... I dated a boy last semester whom I probably shouldn't have. It started out nice and cute and light and quickly took a huge turn toward Overlyseriousville. I felt like the guy in the relationship -- never wanted to talk on the phone, didn't want to talk about the future, didn't want to meet the parents, and especially didn't want to commit. I was the one telling jokes that made him cry and pointing out how sensitive and emotional he was (maybe I should stick to older, non-artist types). But thinking about the future is just what made me realize how special my relationship now is. I look forward to things and can plan things, but we're both comfortable just going with the flow, too. We help each other to lighten up and to recognize that worrying helps nothing. I feel loved and taken care of, and I'm seeing sides of myself I never knew existed.

I read an article about this "new woman" emerging -- she's basically a man with boobs instead of a penis. She's bold and independent, but she also doesn't see the need for anything serious. I figured I would be one of those women forever, jumping ship at the first sign of trouble, tiptoing around deep emotional commitment, and generally keeping one foot out the door. Then WHAM, I got blindsided by a force going a million miles an hour and now I'm all romance and hand-holding and nightly phone conversations (I've gone through a few 1000+ hour phone cards). I even like midday phone calls just to say "I'm thinking about you." All of a sudden I see what a relationship is like that's not entirely you and it's not entirely him, but both of you. I've never been on the same page with someone exactly like this before.

Things are great with the roommates, too. We're all generally laid-back, if you ignore my OCD tendencies about kitchen cleanliness. During a study break, when I feel my head about to explode, I'll just go Swiffer WetJet the kitchen floor and feel my tension mop away as well. Every dish out of the sink is a weight off my shoulders. Every clean countertop is a smile. I relaxed about it after spring break to the point where someone else actually felt the need to clean in my stead. I'm better about it all now, and the only things that still really get to me are dirty floors & counters. In fact, I'll probably go Swiffer the kitchen when I'm done typing this.

A great thing: I'm not leaving this place. I'm not leaving the people. How I would miss my lunch buddies, Mike and Matt, if I knew I'd never see them again. I have finally found the place I need and want to be and it makes me ridiculously happy. Hardly a day went by this past semester when I didn't look around, smile, and think, "Yes." I went through a hell of a lot to get here, which makes it feel even sweeter. This is my school, these are my people, this is my town. College is college, but college is AWESOME when it's where you really want to be. This feeling was utterly lacking at USC. There, I never wanted to stay. Here, I only leave now because I have a boyfriend who lives in Atlanta and parents who would kill me if I didn't come stay. I guess you could say that I feel fulfilled -- mostly, anyway. I don't want to leave, and finally -- I don't have to.