| Freshman Year in Review 6/25 I wish I had a thought recorder, as opposed to a tape recorder, as I tend to think things out more clearly than I can verbalize them. I've thought of quite a few beginnings and middles for this, but no conclusion -- this fact, I feel, reflects "where I'm at" right now rather clearly. As I write this, I'm sitting at a desk in one of two bedrooms in my dorm-partment. "But it's summer!" you cry. Exactly. I'm in summer school in The Middle of Nowhere, GA, thanks to some red tape I tripped over in the process of transferring out of USC. And so begins my Freshman Year in Review... In spite of the extra time and energy I must spend acquiring more credits in order to transfer to another University, not one part of me regrets my decision to leave USC, and, thus, Columbia, SC behind. While reflecting upon my decisions so far, a wave of relief and certainty flooded me as I realized how much I would not want to return to USC. Not for the school, not for the town, not for the people. Well, maybe for the people. But I'll touch on that later. Columbia and I started off on shaky ground: I felt cornered into going there, and what should have been a resounding "Yes, I want to go to this school!" was merely a "Well, I guess I could see myself here." As time went on, I found myself trying to convince my dissappointed mind that the place wasn't so bad, that it was liveable. But I realized that I shouldn't have to work that hard just to make myself like where I lived. I felt myself settling for less than what I wanted. When Megan transferred back to New York after first semester, I was both sad at losing her and overjoyed that she was going to follow her gut and go where she was happiest. Part of me was uneasy, however. Megan had made up her mind. Megan was leaving. Megan was happy. What was I? I was left on the fence, not ready to commit to transferring, not willing to commit myself to staying at USC. I wanted to be happy, too! Where was my Fairy Godmother to come and make my decision? The turning point came in the spring, when I recognized what I was missing out on by living in Columbia. After that weekend away from USC, I was heading in one direction: out. I didn't know how I would do it, or even if I could, but I knew I had to. The more I thought about leaving, the lighter and happier I felt. After a rather random, one-sided fight with my roommate (i.e. she blew up at me unprovoked), I packed up my life and moved back to Marietta feeling as though I'd escaped some horrible life of bondage. That about brings you up to date. Now, for some reflection... BOYS I started out the school year on a rather low, sour note, I must say. I had obviously forgotten my mantra of "Never trust boys in Jeeps" (this mantra was also proven correct and forgotten later in the year as well). One should not trust another with one's feelings if he uses the same lines to get rid of you that he used on another girl first. Another red alert: run the other way if he's still bitterly stuck on the rejection handed him by an ex, or if you're not comfortable around each other. If you feel weird around him (the bad sort of weird), as though you can't open up and be yourself, ditch him for someone around whom you can act your stupid self. (To give him a teeny bit of credit here, I was in no position to be getting into a relationship at that point anyway.) I met some sweet boys, but the timing wasn't right after that fiasco. Some of them are great friends now, so I can't truly say nothing worked out. This brings us to the latest time I ignored my boys-in-jeeps hunch. I will simply say this: even if he and his girlfriend are "on the rocks," she's still his girlfriend. Be careful -- she has probably been his girlfriend longer than you've even lived in the same state. This situation created quite an awful mess all around. Ladies, don't demean yourself by settling for a guy who isn't sure how committed he wants to be, either to you or to any other girl. And boys: we will ALWAYS find out -- even if it involves selling donuts to a British guy whose girlfriend knows the guy who's cheating on his girlfriend with us. You're not as smart or as suave as you think, so don't even try. Just when I began the process of disentangling myself from USC and was preparing to leave and be happy and single, some fateful twist of timing intervened. Jonathan and I met in April and I worked quite diligently at distancing myself romantically -- after all, I'd experienced a series of disasters and was soon to be leaving, why would I want to dive into something new? Of course, my emotional brakes gave out and my feelings went skidding all over the place. I was his and he was mine and we liked it that way. Simple as that. For the short time we held it together, that is. Breaking up because of circumstance, not because you're over each other, is hard. We've both moved out of South Carolina, and are long-distance friends. ADVICE As a seasoned pro at this college thing, I feel I can incorporate some advice into my quaint reverie... 1. Roommate I advise you to go potluck, as roomming with your best friend could result in the untimely death of one of you. However, my roommate and I came quite close to homicide a few times ourselves, so I don't know what to tell you. Maybe just live in a box outside the student center. 2. Studying Good luck if you didn't acquire good study skills in high school. Granted, it doesn't matter how good your study skills are if there's something better going on elsewhere, and trust me -- there's ALWAYS something better going on. But seriously, you do need to study at some point. I have NEVER been the type of person who feels the need to go out every weekend (something I don't think my roommate understood) and you shouldn't feel like you have to. Study when you need to study -- the same things happen every weekend, you're not missing out on something you can't do some other Friday. 3. Take roadtrips. Oh GOD, take roadtrips. Some of my best memories from freshman year didn't even happen on campus or in South Carolina, for that matter. Back in October, Juli and I met the guys from The Little and Boys Go to War at a venue called Uncle Doctor's. We ended up talking and hanging out all night and a week or two later, we drove to Atlanta to see them play at 10 High. I think Juli and I had been awake for over 28 hours by the time we stumbled back into the dorm and passed out asleep. I think my favorite roadtrip had to be when I drove with Juli and Lauren to North Carolina to see Rilo Kiley in Carborro, Jump Little Children in Charlotte, then Maroon 5 back in Columbia. We stayed in a ghetto HoJo that first night, but it was worth it -- during "With Arms Outstretched," Jenny came off the stage, walked up to the three of us, and put the microphone up to me. After the show, she told me she'd been watching me sing along to every word and had come off the stage just for us. I love her for that, for her music, her talent, and I will for a VERY long time. Roadtrips are wonderful. Roadtrips following bands around are fantastic. 4. Following your favorite bands across state lines is great, but I beg you: do not go to a college simply because that's where your current boyfriend or girlfriend is going! Just look at all the trouble that Felicity got in! I suppose you could argue that it worked out fine for her, but disregard that. Let me tell you, your high school romance will snap under that sort of pressure. College is about change and growth, not about calling Billy back in East Nowhere every spare minute. At this point in your life, you need to make your decisions for yourself, not for the sake of someone else. I can honestly tell you that in my nine months at USC, I learned more about myself than in any other short period. Being at college forces you to take a closer look and reevaluate everything you think you know. Be prepared and allow change to occur naturally, because it will. 5. Wave bye-bye to teen angst (unless you love drama, in which case I'm probably not your friend). When Jonathan came to visit me in Atlanta in May, we went into Junkman's Daughter in L5P. He begged to leave, as he claimed not to have witnessed so much teen angst in years. I took what he said, internalized it, mulled it over, and was thoroughly peeved that I hadn't realized that myself! Once I got to college, things that used to faze me in high school ceased to have the same dramatic, modd-swinging effects! I didn't know what to attribute this to, but Jonathan's statement made it all perfectly clear. I didn't listen to so much drippy, sad music (well, excluding Bright Eyes, I suppose), and felt generally more laid-back about everything. I swear it was raining straight down the middle of my dorm room where my low pressure front collided with my roommate's high pressure. 6. DO NOT DATE BOYS IN BANDS. Just don't. It's really simple: when they start hitting on you, flirt back, then leave it at that. Most of them are nice guys and fairly attractive, and those qualities somehow become golden and gleaming when you see them pouring their heart out into a microphone or thrashing out their aggression onto their guitars. We girls tend to forget there are a lot of nice, fairly attractive non-band guys around, too. There's just something about those band dudes. I'm not even sure exactly what it is. But here's my theory: most of these so-called Band Guys are pretty darn talented. They also appear physically beautiful and so completely magnetic onstage. Chances are, however, if you saw half of those guys in the grocery store, you wouldn't even look twice. Being Band Guys, they are automatically more exciting, more adventurous, and exude the possibility of something, perhaps a sort of immortality, for us, the chicks who dig them. Who hasn't entertained the idea of some beautiful young Band Guy writing a song about them? How would you like to have a classic such as "Sweet Child of Mine" written about YOU? And see where they are now? Well...I don't know exactly where Axl is now, nor do I know the whereabouts of his ex wife. Point is, they're not together. Moving on. When these individuals pay attention to you, any sort of attention, the feeling is instantly addictive; you feel special. Maybe you even suspect you are special to HIM, the Band Guy himself. But see, here's the downside to all that excitement: Band Guys don't know what monogamy means. Or, they do, and they hate the definition with a passion. You make out with a rock star, and you're awesome, you're special, you're immortalized. On the other hand, you make out with a rock star, and to him, you're just another chick he's kissed and whose name he's forgotten by the time his bus pulls onto the highway. I mentioned earlier that I had yet to think of a conclusion, so I will end with this: Do what makes you happy and don't settle for anything less. Life is too short. |
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