THIS LAST TIME....

People scurried to all directions. Newly arrived

passengers rushed to their loved ones.  Others cried

as they send of someone dear.

I was among the teary ones. I was sending off someone

very dear to me. But there's one difference: the one I

was sending off must not see me. He must not be aware

of my presence, he must not know I still care.

“Passengers for flight 701 bound for Manila.." the

rest of the message fell into my deaf ears as I

strained my neck to see where he was. My heart thumped

as I caught sight of him making his way to the

departure area. He was with her.  His arms around her.

How my heart lurched at the display of their

endearments.  I could have been the girl, If only...

Mark and I have been close since we were near

adolescence. It all started during our class party.

Everybody should have a date.  Well I was one of those

who didn't have any, so my friends introduced me to a

couple of probable dates.  However, my chosen one must

meet my father's approval.

But not one of my prospects did.  Needless to say he

found Mark. "I told you, it's either Mark or no

Party." Said father. "Anyway,he is only 3 years older

than you. That's not too old. He's responsible and

he'll take care of you. I surely prefer him than those

bunch of kids.

There was no sense of protesting.  My father had just

made up his mind and I just had to be in my first

adult party. I proceeded to the agreement and

arrangement.  The night of the party came, and Mark

was on time to pick me up.  I didn't feel the sparks

since he was familiar. Instead, I felt irritated.  Why

did he agree to be my date? Could he not make excuses

for my dad? As I settle into his car I groaned.  "Do

you honestly think you would enjoy this party", I

asked, "well I surely would Stephanie,especially

if you enjoy it too.  I know this is your first party,

so why don't you be open to surprises? Just have fun.

I can understand why you don't want me to be your

date, but  I just can't say No to your dad.  Just

treat me as your bodyguard? I silently cursed. I made

my mind that I wouldn't enjoy the party. Mark was

there to spoil it.  What would my friends say?

To my amazement, Mark fitted well with my friends. In

fact, all of them enjoyed his company.  Angela my best

friend, drooled, "it's good you brought Mark. He's a

terrific dancer!"  "Not only that, he's a perfect

handsome, gentleman as well!" giggled Dawn and

Suzanne.  Well, whatever he was to them, I myself

was bored with the other guys that I danced with.

They were either bragging about their budding

masculinity or stepping on my feet.

I escaped into the garden to rest my weary mind, not

to mention my aching feet.  Mark caught  up to me

bringing a cup of punch.  "so my little girl is all

tired up. Why don't you drink this first, huh?" He

said as he offered me the cup.

"My bodyguard! Doing your job aren't you? He just

smiled and noticed my bored look. As his eyes crinkled

and his dimple deepened, I felt somestrange relief.

Here was one person who wouldn't brag or hurt myfeet.

I didn't like to admit it, but I was thankful that Mark

was there. And so I led the way to the garden, I told

him just that.

He smiled triumphantly, "didn't I tell you I can be

useful too?"  with that we both laughed. Before I knew

it, we were chattering away.  I, talking about my

teener's woes, and he about his current love problems.

Angela announced that the band was playing it's last

song for the night. "Everybody dance!" she chirped.

And so Mark led me to the dance floor. "Steph!", he

said "let this be our song."

I giggled and nodded. As I placed my hands on his

shoulders and he put his hands on my waist. The love

song seems to speak out what was screaming in

our hearts...

At least imagine you are dancing with your prince

charming." He whispered "and you with yourgirlfriend"

I chuckled. And as the song went on his arms tightened

around my waist, bringing me closer to him.  I liked

the feeling so I brought my arms around his neck and

nuzzled my neck to his cheek.  There was hollowing in

my stomach and a kind of electricity running down my

spine.  We both snuggled even closer. I  felt so

comfortable in his embrace, that even when the song

ended, I didn't want to break the magical spell.  It

was he who abruptly pulled away.

As I looked at him I saw that he was perturbed.  I

returned to reality. This wasn't suppose to be.  I was

just imagining him to be my prince, In reprimanded

myself blushing.

We were both silent in my car until I arrived at my

place. I was about to go out of his car when he held

my hand and said, "I hope you enjoyed your first

party." "why yes, I did enjoy it," I answered him

softly. Then we were silent again, it seemed as if it

would go on forever. "well, thank you so much for the

wonderful evening," I said.  I was about to take my

hand away but he firmly held it.  "I know you felt

magic too, Steph. However, we were just imagining our

partners, and we should not let the magic go on. It is

not supposed to be.  You know how it is."

I nodded, my eyes down cast as I got off his car.

That night, I did not sleep well.  I was still

thinking of my prince, the magic spell with Mark

must stop. Yet, I could still remember the lingering

warmth of our embrace. After that night, whenever I

saw Mark my heart never failed to miss a beat. And I

always blame it on our dance!

As time passed, Mark and I became even closer. We were

unwillingly always thrown together by situationslike

weddings, anniversaries and even an election.  Mark

was my campaign partner during the 1984 election. My

uncle was running for assemblyman.  The campaign

strategy involved a buddy system and Mark was assigned

as my buddy.  And so we became inseparable. We had

great fun and we were effective campaigners.  I took

care of the gentleman while Mark took care of the

ladies.  He really had a way with them.

I didn't know I loved Mark until I found myself alone

with him in the beach house.  We were celebrating my

uncle's triumph. His supporters were delirious of his

victory.  To escape the noise, Mark and I walked far

from the crowd. We were strolling down the beach

sometimes stopping to pick some shells, when we

chanced upon an empty beach house, there we rested,

sorting out the shells we collected on the way.

To my surprise, Mark kissed me on the cheek and said,

“I've been waiting to do that for a long time." I

thought he was being playful so I answered him with a

kiss too. Then as if we were moving in a kind of

suspended place and time, Mark touched my cheek and

turned my face towards him and soon we found our lips

together. Our kiss seemed to go on forever. "I LOVE

YOU, STEPHANIE" he whispered  "I LOVE YOU TOO, MARK,"I

whispered back and suddenly jerked away from him.

The realization of I loving Mark hit me back. I

staggered and moved away from him.  "I didn't mean to

love you, Mark, this is all wrong and...

“and what, Steph?....that it's got to stop?" he asked.

"Yes,it has to stop. It's wrong... it's very wrong!"

I said, fighting back tears.

I couldn't face Mark anymore, discovering that I love

him too much. But his loving me in return was killing

me... this was not suppose to be! What we felt for

each other was the real thing it was right, but at the

same time it was very wrong.  My conscience told me to

flee, and that was what I did.

I transferred school and I chose the one far away from

Mark. He tried to contact me so many times, but I had

to think of what's best for him even if it meant pain

of me.  It was the only way of showing that I Love him

and it was the right, moral thing to do....

this happened 5 years ago.

I felt the tears running down my cheeks as I saw mark

this last time. They were going abroad for good. I

could feel a part of me dying.

I was losing the man I truly love. I was Losing MARK

who was my first date, who was my first dance. His

hands were the first I held, he was my first kiss, my

first love.... And he was my first cousin.

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