on commitment
falling in love at 20 seems to be ideal. at this age, one is no longer innocent of the ways of the world. in fact, one is already preparing for the big battle called life.
but i just found out that there is no assurance that falling in love at a later age will make things easy. life is never easy, and so is loving.
ir was nit something i planned to do. it came to me at a time when i didn't want it. i was busy on my studies and on some of the activities in church when i saw my former boyfriend.
at first i didn't want to admit that i was falling for him again and that i needed somebody else to make life happier for me. i always told myself happiness was just a state of mind and i could never find it if i looked for it through another person.
but all those ideas are just that now, ideas. i have learned to acknowledge the fact that a significant other isn't one who just comes in handy during the christmas season or valentine's day. life can indeed be lovelier if you share it with someone special.
but it isn't that easy. i thought i was prepared. i believed what i had learned from the past and from my friends' experiences were enough. they are not.
all my ideas about how i want my relationship tp be has become somewhat distorted. i don't want a commitment because it spells responsibility. i don't want to do things because i am supposed to do it.
the same goes for my partner. i want us to go on living the way we used to before we came into each other's life. i don't want a relationship that is limited by dos and don'ts. i don't need someone to look after me or tell me what is right and wrong. i am old enough and i know those things. i want to share my life with somebody, not give it to him.
now i have realized that commitment is necessary in a relationship. it is not because it will give me the right or the authority to tell a person what i want to happen. it is because commitment makes me feel certain that whatever we share is going to lead somewhere. it's a nice feeling to enjoy being with somebody not because of who or what he is but because you can't think of yourself in another place with another person. but a relationship goes deeper than that. and that is where commitment comes in.
i may be wrong, but i firmly believe that love shouldn't be limiting. it must allow the persons involved to be who they are and go on with their lives. one only needs to change if it is his/her choice. nobody must assume a personality that is not his/her just because it is what the other wants him/her to be. if this happens, one must tell his loved one to start looking for that person. one can change for him/her but not because he/she wanted. you cannot change a person in anyway you want it.
i have learned not to expect anything from my boyfriend. i realized that too many expectations will only lead to many disappointments since we don;t have the same frame of mind. i respect him and i am aware that he is a different person. i'll continue giving as long as i can, but when i don't feel like doing it anymore, i'll stop. love is not something one asks for. it is something freely given. enough of the ideal man/woman. no matter how hard we look, we will never find him/her.
but if love comes around, don't ignore it. as the song goes," it comes only once in a lifetime", it is never going to be easy. there will be times when one feel loved, needed and cared for. and there will also times when your loved one will make you feel cheated and taken for granted. but don't be afraid and lose the chance to feel what it is like to live, to love and be loved.