There
are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love that we feel. For
fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the
actual words "I love you." So we try to communicate the idea in other
words. We say take care or don't drive too fast or be good. Bet really, these
are just other ways of saying I love you. You are important to me. I care what
happens to you. I don't want you to get hurt.
We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one
thing that we should say is the one thing that we don't say. And yet because the
feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use
other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning
never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and
unwanted.
Therefore, we have to LISTEN FOR LOVE in the words that people are saying to us.
Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying
things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love
within the sentiments, which are expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says I
love you even though the words might be saying very different.
Any expression of a person's concern for another says I love you. Sometimes the
expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen
very intently for the love that contains. But it is often there, beneath the
surface.
A mother may nag her son constantly about his grades or cleaning his room. The
son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully - he will hear the
love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to do well, to be successful.
Her concern and love for her son unfortunately emerge in her nagging. But it is
love all the same.
A daughter comes home late, way past her curfew, and her father confronts her
with angry words. The daughter may only hear the anger, but if she listens
carefully, she will hear the love under the anger. I was worried about you, the
father is saying. Because I care about you and I love you. You are important to
me.
A girl may reprimand a guy to be a better person - to study well, to stop his
vices, to be more responsible and mature in dealing with people, things and
situations. He may see her as a person who is trying to control his life -
trying to change his identity. But if he listened carefully, he would have heard
the concern disguised under the constant nagging. The girl is afraid to see him
pressured into going with the "wrong crowd", afraid to see his
potentials go to waste, afraid of his future. But she has failed to express this
love more sincerely, for fear of rejection.
We say I love you in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with
smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping
quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even brusquely. We
show our love sometimes by impulsiveness. Many times we have to show our love by
forgiving someone whom has not listened to the love that we have tried to
express. The problem is listening for love is that we dont always understand the
language of love, which the other person is using.
The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear
the words, but the don't listen to the actions that accompany the words or the
expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding.
They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the
words are angry.
Simon ang Garfunkel wrote that very haunting song, the sound of silence. It goes
ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking; people hearing
without listening; people writing songs that voices never shared, because no one
dared disturb the sound of silence. It is a terrifying picture of our modern
world, a world without communication and without love. We have to listen for
love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a
lot more loved than we realize. Listen for love and we will find that the world
is a very loving place, after all!