Keywords: Established MSR, post episode for en ami
Category: SRA
Summary: Aftermath of en ami
Spoilers: en ami
Feedback: Loved at [email protected]
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The X-files and all properties thereof belong to Chris Carter and 1013 productions. This is intended only for reader enjoyment and no money has exchanged hands.
Distribution: If you want it, you've got it. Just keep my name and email address attached.
Thanks to Barb for the speedy beta! :-)
Mulder pulls the car to a stop in front of my building. He looks over at me, and his face is full of shadows from the faint illumination of a street lamp.
I bite my lip and sigh. I'm sick of shadows.
Mulder is still staring at me, waiting for a reaction. I'm still grappling with the knowledge that I've been played by the Cancerman, this C.G.B Spender. I had thought my instincts were better than they proved to be.
"Scully?" Mulder asks, no longer content to just look at me. There is something in his voice that I can't place. It's not exactly anger, although I'm sure he is hurt and upset by my actions. The note in his voice is more of a resignation, a sufferance. He cannot, however, argue with me over the art of a 'ditch'. Mulder may be a lot of things, but rarely is he a hypocrite.
"Yes?" I cannot believe how formal I sound in answering him. Is this man not my best friend? Is he not my newfound passion, my lover? Why can't I just talk to him? Why can't I tell him what I'm thinking?
Why do I find this so hard?
"Scully, I..." he swears under his breath, "I want to talk to you."
I nod and exit the car, shivering as the night breeze blows through my jacket and thin sweater. Mulder, too, exits the car and follows me into my building. He's walking a half a step behind me, and it hurts to think that just three days ago he had been dragging me by the hand behind him, eager to get into my apartment, into my bedroom...
I have to wonder that if by taking Spender's offer I have ruined what we worked so diligently to build.
Entering my apartment I make a weak offer for some coffee. Mulder shakes his head and moves to sit on my couch. He takes his leather jacket off and drapes it over couch's back. Making a temple with his hands he leans forward as I sit across from him. He waits for me.
"Have I lost your trust?" I begin hesitantly.
"No." he answers in a toneless voice.
"Have I made you angry?" I feel like a petulant child awaiting punishment from her father.
"Scully..., no. Yes." Mulder takes a deep breath. "I guess, I understand why you went, Scully. 'But, I don't like the idea of it."
"The idea of it? What? You don't like the idea of me doing the dirty work for once? You don't like the idea of me being the one desiring shadow knowledge?" I snap at him, acting as a wounded animal that has been provoked.
Mulder recoils and reaching out, grabs my wrist. "No, Scully," his voice holds definite traces of anger now, "What I don't like is the idea of you being almost killed while you are states away from me! And for what? An empty CD? A dying black-lunged, black-hearted son-of-a-bitch? I sure as *hell* don't like that idea, Scully!"
I swallow hard. Blinking back tears I ask, "Have I lost your love?"
"No." Mulder answers in a strained voice. "You've only tested it."
I look down from his eyes, which until now have held me captive. "I thought what I was doing was right, Mulder. That little boy, Jason, is alive and well because of a chip in his neck. *I'm* alive because of a chip. Mulder, I became a doctor to save lives. I thought that was what I was doing." My voice sounds childlike, thin and small.
I look up to see Mulder worrying his lower lip with his teeth. He still has a hold of my wrist, and in a smooth movement he tugs me up and into his lap. I cuddle against him, feeling warm and safe.
"Cancerman said I couldn't allow myself to love you. He said there were too many walls around my heart." I sound, even to myself, as if I am fishing for reassurance.
Mulder's chest rises heavily against my cheek. "I think we're still working on removing them Scully."
I nod against him.
"Help me."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
End.
Notes: Well. This episode greatly intrigued me. Despite the greater issues of humanities downfall due to the loss of the disk, I had to write of Mulder and Scully's relationship, from the standpoint I feel it might now be in. Ah, yes. I am definitely a shipper. :-)