Keywords: MSR
Category: SRA
Summary: Scully thinks too much.
Spoilers: Amor Fati
Feedback: Taken gladly at [email protected]
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The X-files and all properties thereof belong to Chris Carter and 1013 productions. This is intended only for reader enjoyment and no money has exchanged hands.
Distribution: If you want it, you've got it. Just keep my name and email address attached.
Special Thanks must go to Barb for the fast beta. You're great, lady! :-)
I am a coward.
I, Dana Scully, gun-toting, bad ass, monster-hunting, superior bashing, g-woman for all occasions, am little more than a coward.
I cannot tell a man that I love him.
Even when death breathes down the backs of our necks and separation seems inevitable; I cannot tell him.
I am a coward.
I have, on occasion, awakened from dreams of his death; the aftermath of one half trying to remain a whole that was never really complete.
I am in love with my partner, a man who in the beginning I swore never to love. A man who unknowingly wormed his way into my heart, and it is only in the last two years that I have found the strength to admit to myself that I am *in* love with him. Before I tried to think of him as another Bill or Charlie...even as I was touching myself and seeing his face. I denied it.
I am a coward.
I tried to tell him once in Florida, with wine and cheese. I needed all the wine I could get at the time. When he ran, I must admit to being relieved. My secret was safe.
There were times when he has taken control; a kiss in a hallway gone wrong, a drugged 'I love you'...what I wouldn't give to hand him the control.
But, now, he waits for me.
In the aftermath of his illness, and miraculous recovery (I cannot say resurrection), I thought I could try again. I went to his apartment. He began his sweet words.
He called me his constant. And, choking tears, I called him mine.
I rose and kissed his forehead.
I touched his lips with my fingers. So soft.
I am a coward.
But, soon, Mulder.
Soon.