By Elizabeth Callaghan
Holding this dagger close to my heart
For though I know that someone somewhere
Might possibly actually care
It doesn't seem right
To go through one more night
I cannot think why I should try
When each day I come home and cry
For the darkness won't cease
Will this night never end?
Will I ever find that one true close friend?
Someone I would trust with this life?
Will I find happiness in the big world?
Where no one will listen?
And I can't be heard?
The dagger comes closer
And I can feel my heart shudder
As I think one last time about my mother
Will she cry as she looks at me?
Will she care about what has said and what's been?
And what about my dad?
Will he wished that he'd had
Some time with the girl he never knew was so mad?
Or what about everyone that I'll leave behind?
Will they care at all?
Will they know they were part of my last fall?
I know they may care
But sometimes I can't see it
And now most of all it's hidden from me
Seeing where my heart ought to be
It sure as hell isn't here
Nor anywhere close
I do fear
Will anyone care about a life that was had?
From a girl who was always mad?
That answer is locked
In a room with no key
And I fear the only way to find out
Is to take my life from me
Fatal or useless at my side?
And where do I lie in a casket?
Or in my bed?
Crying to myself wishing I was dead?
As far as I can tell it's not worth the lies
Or the pain that I see everyday of my life
I know I was never pretty
Or cool
I was never popular
Always a fool
And now I see why
It's because I don't care
Not enough to try
And now why I think it's my time to die
I stare up in my coffin at the life I once led
Look round the room to see if any eyes are red
And there's that someone from somewhere
Who I always knew would care
And I know it's not worth it for me to be in here
But now it's too late
I'm already dead
So I'm in a casket and not in my bed
The world I thought useless
May cry for my sake
Now this pity is what I hate
I wish I'd taken the chance to find that someone somewhere
Who I've just found out really does care
So maybe there should have been hope
For that life that was once had
That belonged to a girl who thought everything was bad