Title: Aloneness as Destiny By: Brilaglar Rated:PG Feedback: SillySamwiseG@aol.com ********************************************* Chapter 1 The Sight (I must warn you that there will be way passionate kissing later on, but nothing serious, though some parents might not approve.) Nengwethel (Gweth) was a very strange elf. She had light blond hair that danced and flowed to her waist. Her eyes were dark blue, like raging oceans. Her face was flawless, not a scar or mark to be seen, except a beauty mark on her cheek. She danced like a swan over water and sang like an angel from the heavens. Humans claimed that she was an angel that was sent down to earth, but disappeared in the Golden Wood, while elves claimed that she was one of them. But that was not why she was strange. She was cheerless, always gloomy and never a smile on her lovely face. No one knew even if she had a dimple when she smiled, but maybe her old friends and relatives such as Galadriel (her cousin). Every time someone saw her anytime after the war of the ring (which was rarely) she was frowning. She sang often, but of things she did not have. She sang of romances and songs that would bring tears of glee to others eyes, they were so wonderful. But they didn't make her smile, for she had no lover any longer and felt as if destined forever to aloneness. One day, a company of eight came through Lothlorien whom were all gloomy, for they had recently lost one member of their company. Gweth watched them curiously from a distance and the sight of them made her frown go away, but still there was no smile. She knew why they had come and knew what they were doing. Like Galadriel, she too was very wise and that only made sense (since they were related). Gweth watched as Haldir led them blindfolded through Lorien. She gave a laugh that was more mocking than anything towards them and shook her head. Indeed they looked silly as they hobbled on the road. She waved a hand at Haldir and he smiled at her. He was Galadriel's most trusted warden and they were on good terms with each other. Gweth continued singing and skipped lightly upon the grass and through flowers. She paused as she felt someone's eyes on her. She looked out again and she saw that the company now could see with open eyes and some ran off and rolled in the grass while laughing. She saw an elf, young and handsome, stare at her as she danced to the birds singing. "Legolas," she murmured. She had heard each one of their names. Her voice echoed and only he heard it, as if in his mind. He looked at her, puzzled, in admiration of her, but at the same time in fear. It was a different fear than of that you know: in respect he watched her. He was surprised and he could see that she was high of stature and more powerful than he. She stood tall and stared back at him with beautiful, but frightening eyes (because she was so wise, but also intense). What was even scarier was that she did not smile, which made her look angry, and looked at him as if trying to pierce him. He looked away after watching her for a moment, and treaded out of sight. She shivered. Something weird had come over her that she felt as if she could not handle. Something unknown to her seemed to be threatening her that she had never felt. It came like a warm wind at her heart and she some how felt different. He was beautiful, she thought. She then realized that the bird's voices had now changed and were softer and sweeter. The trickling of her fountain sounded like warm music. She hummed and danced once again, and even though she was not smiling and to others it would not have been completely happy, she was a bit happier than she had been in a long time. She sang: 'Luthien Tinuviel, in Beren's arms does she lay With graceful feet she danced so sweet On the so engaging dawn of day' Gweth sighed sadly once again. She found herself once again singing of lovers. She wished so much to find a true love that seemed only to be a dream, but he was long ago lost. She had long ago decided that such things only happened to others, but not her. It had happened, but had passed. ****************************** Chapter 2 The Company Gweth spread out her white dress from under her hands. It glimmered silvery in the glistening sun and it had leaf-green on the tips, making it look as if it just blended and was lost in the grass. She had no time to waste if she wanted to reach Galadriel's by evening. She mounted upon her horse, Aminya, and took off like lightening down the path. The horse thrashed onto the path and down the road at a frightful speed. I can scarcely see where I am going! She thought. Her hair whipped and stung her face and eyes on contact. "Aminya, slow!" she whispered in her horse's ear in Elvish. Her horse slowed, but only a little and she was able to regain her wits. She had been invited to feast with the fellowship at Galadriel's house. It was a lovely day and everything was lively and well. The birds sang a new song and the air was cool on Gweth's face. The wind blew softly and blew the golden leaves about the ground. Strangely, she saw many elves going her direction as she flew past them. Gweth felt at home as she entered the house of Galadriel. She hadn't been invited to come in the house for some time. Her cousin hugged her and gave her a warm welcome immediately. "I want you to meet the fellowship," exclaimed Galadriel with a laugh. "They are very kind and you will find them amusing!" Gweth noticed that Galadriel has very cheery and laughter flowed from her, despite the 'serious' conversation she had been having with the Fellowship the day before. Gweth nodded and was led to the dining room. I long wooden table with gold legs stretched out across the room and golden chairs with leaf prints were placed at the table. There was a door with a golden frame on one side of the room and out there you could walk out on a large tree branch like a balcony. (Incase you didn't know, Galadriel's house is in a tree) "It looks so beautiful! I haven't dwelt here in the longest time," Gweth sighed. Galadriel smiled. "I wish for you to stay here and help me as long as the Fellowship are here. I need someone to accompany them when they need comfort and tend to their needs, for you know their journey ahead is long. They will dwell here for some time," Galadriel said softly. Galadriel didn't need Gweth's help in tending to the guests, but she knew that Gweth needed to, for it was possible that Gweth was near death of depression, though no one could see it in her body. She had not smiled in twenty years (which isn't so long for an elf) and she oftentimes wept for no reason at all. Galadriel knew that she would be fond of her cousin's company anyhow. "But I could not cure loneliness of others or give them any comfort. I have no comfort left for myself," Gweth objected. "But they can also give it to you, child. You see, it would help me a lot if you were here. I've missed your company. Won't you once just be happy, right now, and soak in memories of when we were younger in this palace. I remember you well. So many sweet memories we have shared in this room," Galadriel said and glanced across the room. Galadriel looked so needy that Gweth could not reject the offer. Gweth actually felt a smile spread on her face. She was feeling the memories soak in her already as if Galadriel had done it. "I will stay," she said. Gweth sat on a golden chair and spread a white napkin on her lap. She glanced up and saw the fair face again. His hair looked light and glimmering under the golden chandelier. His eyes were bright blue and they sparkled when he laughed at something a man standing next to him had said. She noticed that it was Aragorn, son of Arathorn, standing beside him. She looked back at Legolas. She suddenly felt something in her heart. She felt pressure almost and thought that there was some kind of threat to her. The feeling was warm, but she pushed it away and her smile faded. She had felt it before, but this time it was different and she was too afraid to try to remember what time she had last felt it. It made her heart leap into her throat and it felt so wonderful, but it felt so strange that she fought it out of her mind. What is he doing? What is he doing to my head and heart? His strength must be powerful, for I am having trouble fighting him, breaking into my mind, trying so to be polite to me, she thought. I feel so strange. Surprisingly, it did not fully kill her mood. He took a seat across from her, still laughing playfully at some kind of joke that Aragorn had said. Legolas stopped laughing, but still a smile spread on his face. "This place brings me so much happiness that I feel I can't keep laughs from trailing away from my mouth!" he announced. Aragorn smiled warmly as he looked into the dining room. Lothlorien brought him so many memories. "Indeed it is wonderful! Long has it been since I have entered Lorien! All who enter are in awe of it's beauty, whether they be elves, dwarves, or men." "Or hobbits!" Pippin said, eyeing the food set on the table in front of him. Gimli laughed. "I'm sure!" boomed his deep voice. They all laughed merrily and stuffed themselves full (especially the hobbits). There were many guests that Gweth did not expect to see, but she was happy to be in the presence of friends. Many old friends embraced her and she cried of happiness to see their familiar faces. She couldn't recall how long it had been since she had last joined such a gathering. They began dancing and everything was so wonderful that Gweth laughed constantly. Haldir danced with her first and they skimmed the floor, dancing gracefully for a long merry time while talking. She had forgotten how much she enjoyed his company. She didn't feel like her lonely self anymore. She felt as if in only hours she had returned to her young cheerful self as she was years ago. (Her name meant: "Cheerful Water Maiden" and that she was again. When she was finally alone, watching others dance, she saw someone sitting in a corner. This person was no taller than a child, but he appeared to have past the beginning of his coming of age. She smiled and approached him. It was no other than Samwise Gamgee, sitting alone watching his master dance and laugh and Merry Pippin dance with other elves. "Why are you sitting alone?" she asked. He shrugged and smiled. "No reason." "Would you care to dance with me?" she asked. He laughed. "You, an elf, would dance with me?" he asked. She smiled warmly at him. "Why not? We are all friends here!" she exclaimed. He nodded bashfully and they walked together o the dance floor hand in hand, laughing. Merry was dancing with an elf maiden named Selwen and Pippin was dancing with an elf maiden named Hadeniel, so that made Sam feel less embarrassed. The light shone dimly on their faces as they laughed. Gweth crouched a little as she danced with Sam and that made the others laugh also. The music went faster and faster and everyone laughed and cheered, swinging each other around and around. It slowed and stopped and everyone froze at the end. (It was something that you might have seen in a movie.) They couldn't stand still, pretending to be frozen all that long. They began bursting out in laughs and hugging each other. They had never had such a blissful time. Elves were always merry it seemed and especially when they were together. They all bowed and switched partners. All the girls stood still for a moment until some gentlemen grasped their hand. Gweth too stood still for a moment and someone grasped her hand that was at her side. She looked at him and there was Legolas. She felt very strange again, but this time she did not push away the warm feeling that made her heart beat twice as fast. "Would you care if we shared this dance?" he asked. She smiled a little, but found no words to reply. He danced with her anyways and she did not pull away, but they drew closer to one another. His arms rested on her waste and her head was over his shoulder. She felt comfortable there and lost all sense of fear as she closed her eyes and let it sink in. "Your dress looks absolutely perfect on you," he whispered in her ear. She shivered under his arms. "White is the color that angels wear." "What are you saying?" she drew her head away from his shoulder and laughed. "I'm saying that you are as petty as any angel… I think," he said. He began to look confused at his own words. "Actually, the words just kind of slipped my mouth!" She frowned for a moment, but exchanged it with a smile once again. She felt it very awkward what he had said, but she kind of liked it. He seemed to be sincere. She hadn't been given any kind of compliment as that before. The song ended and another one came after. Still he did not pull away from her. He was too deep in thought of her smell and the soft bare back he felt in his arms (her dress revealed her back). But she pulled away. "What?" he asked, looking deep into her eyes. "The song has ended," she replied, feeling a blush coming on as she felt some wandering eyes stare at her, but didn't turn to see whom. He frowned. "Does it matter?" he asked. She paused. "Well…almost everyone else has switched partners," she said. "So, you want to switch partners?" he asked, sounding a little bit as if she had been offensive. She couldn't turn from him and she didn't want to. "No, I don't," she admitted and went back into his arms. He tried to hold a smile back, but couldn't. He knew that he looked ridiculous with that silly smile on his face. It was quite a sight to see, especially for Galadriel. ******************************** Chapter 3 Of Dances, Songs, and Stories It was now very late into the night and elves were telling stories of people of their kin that were of the wisest and bravest. Many joyful songs filled the air in whispers, one after another as the stories were told. Gweth smiled and one of her own favorite songs spilled from her mouth and all hushed and listened attentively. Even the story that was being told was stopped short. Her voice was the most wonderful of them all and was so joyful. Afterwards, Legolas too even broke out into a song from Mirkwood: 1 'Elven lady of the river was here long ago Her hair was gold and her face would glow Her feet danced on grass so gracefully And her hair would flow while glistening Oh, Lady Nengwethal! Where does thou dwell? Are you lost in land of leaves so gold? Where do you dwell, O never old? The sunbeams glistened on your hair! O fair Lady, do they still settle there?' Everyone paused. No one had heard the song and it's melody was wonderful, but… "Did you just say Nengwethel?" Celeborn asked. "For it is indeed strange that you mention the name of Nengwethel, our younger lady of the golden wood!" "It is a song that I've known for some time," Legolas answered. "I did so sing that name, but I know little of Nengwethal, which is only what I've been told." Gweth stood up. "That is I, young lady of the Golden Wood, younger cousin of Galadriel." "But you said your name is Gweth!" he said, bewilderment twisting his face. "That is one of the names I go by. I am young Lady of the Golden wood. Funny is it that you sing that song. It is wonderful, but odd is it that any would want to sing of me. How does anyone so far even know of me? I have not spoken with anyone, but wardens and relatives in many years till now, though I am embarrassed to admit so!" she said. "That song has been sung for many generations. I have not sung all of it yet, but if you wish for me to stop I will." "Finish, will you?" she asked. He sang: 2 'They say you sing the woods to life O, will you ever marry and be a wife? For you walk alone in grass so green But rarely speak and are seldom seen The men afar think of your face And travel far to find your place But where you lay no one can tell But still you are loved by all so well' She frowned once again and felt her heart sink inter her feet. She hated the matter of the song and it made her feel lonesome again, even though so many people surrounded her. 'They sing far away that I am not married and they ask why? Why do they even think of such things not alone sing them in songs?' She looked outside. It was nearing dawn and suddenly she felt like leaving and she felt weary. She craved sleeping by her fountains and river that would ease the pain as they bubbled. The pain only got worse as she stood still, till it was just about unbearable. She was afraid that if she didn't leave right away, the tears would spill in front of everyone. "I must go back to my home, for we have had a joyous time for so long and I need rest. Farewell." All of the sudden Galadriel stepped out. "Are you not staying here as promised?" Gweth suddenly remembered what she had agreed to. "Of course. I will go outside and care for my horse." She most desperately wanted to leave the room filled with staring eyes at her. She wanted so to cry and she hid her thoughts from Galadriel, never letting Galadriel read her mind. "But we have people who will care for your horse," Galadriel assured her. "Why do you wish so to go? Did the song make you that uncomfortable?" came Galadriel's voice in her mind. Her eyes flashed. "But I wish to care for my horse myself," Gweth answered aloud. She walked slowly and lightly on the floor. She sighed. She felt very embarrassed of the song. 'And elves in Mirkwood think of me as an elf with no spouse that should have? Is that all?' Gweth thought. Her treading became faster and soon she was running through the grass to her horse. Her dress and hair flew behind her. Her horse was comfort to her sometimes and was the only comfort Gweth could think of at the moment. Gweth was so hurt inside and a wound so deep was in her heart. Just when it had seemed to have gone forever, it awoke and grieved her again. It had been the first time in years that she could have a joyous time, not thinking of her lover that had died. "Will I ever be free from it?" she whimpered to herself. "Aminya," she whispered to her horse when she touched her mane. She crawled onto the horse and laid down on Aminya's warm back. "Go, Aminya. Go to the farthest side of Galadriel's gardens. Get me away from here." The horse did as she commanded and they went farther from where the elves sang to where the gardens ended. Gweth began to weep loudly. "Why? Why?" She cried. "Must I never be rid of my burden? I'm alone! Utterly alone!" She climbed off of Aminya and lay in a bed of flowers on her back. Her dress flowed like a pool around her on the ground. She wept bitterly and Aminya nuzzled her neck. "Are you my only friend?" she whispered to the horse. There came no sound, but Gweth was suddenly aware of someone's presence. "Who's there?" she demanded to know, sitting up and pushing Aminya aside. She tried to sound as calm as she could, but she felt more tears coming for her eyes and her voice was a sob. Tears on her cheeks were smeared and her neck was drenched also. Out from the woods came Legolas. He smiled weakly at her, but it quickly faded when he saw her tears on her flushed cheeks. "Oh," she muttered. "It's you." He frowned down at her. "I am sorry that I have done you wrong, if I am the reason. I am sorry that I even sang that song. I know why it offended you and it wasn't my place to even offer to sing the rest…" "You do not!" she snapped. Then she paused, knowing he did, but trying to ignore the thought. "I wish that no one knew." She bent her head down, feeling foolish and wishing she could tell him to leave without being rude. It felt awkward when she cried and he stood there above her, confused, not sure how to comfort her. "So many elves are not married. All who are mature for elves wait for the right person and right person only," Legolas comforted her. "You are not strange or different from anyone else, neither are you much older than when some elves usually marry." "That's not it. I feel so alone. Even though most elves wait long also, no one seems to accept me at all. I'm different and reserved, but elves are always open to each other…just not me." "But here you are, opening to me!" Legolas said. She scowled. "And I do not even know why I am confiding in you! This is not me. I'm kept back and…" "But your heart does not wish to be," he answered softly. He slowly moved closer till he was seated beside her. He touched her but she quickly jumped away, sliding a foot farther from him. "But I must be set aside, Legolas. I have been hurt so many times. I once found a love that was the true one. It was very long ago during the time of the War of the Ring. He was lost in the war and he shouldn't have been. I loved him and now he's gone. No one will ever love me that way, so I am better off alone." She paused. "And here I am telling in you more!" She stood quickly; hiding her blushing cheeks, and began to lead her horse away. He wanted to call her back to sit with him, but he couldn't speak. He opened his mouth, but not a word came out. 'There is nothing I can do,' he thought sadly. 'Aloneness forever is her destiny, I am afraid, though such a beautiful, amazing one as she does not deserve such a thing.' As he thought that, she let another tear fall from her eye. She felt so alone that she felt like crumbling to the ground again and weeping. Life was so brutal to her and she wondered sometimes if it would be best if it was all over. Then she would be with her lover again.