(Opening Scene: A basketball rolls across the floor of the court. Logan is playing in a wheelchair basketball game. Max is arrives and watches near the entrance. Logan scores the winning basket on a pass and the players cheer and the game ends. Logan goes over to Max and puts on his backpack.)

Max: Remind me not to get on your bad side. How much you win?

Logan: We weren’t playing for money.

(Max looks at Logan in disbelief.)

Max: You killed yourself like that for nothing? Must be a guy thing. So what’d you want to talk to me about?

(Logan turns and moves away and Max follows closely behind)

Logan: Don’t worry about it. Changed my mind.

Max: About what?

Logan: My cousin’s wedding is tomorrow night. I was going to ask you to be my date.

(Max turns away upset)

Max: I’m busy anyway. Have a good time though.

(Logan turns back towards Max)

Logan: Hey! I’m not going. Didn’t I just say that?

Max: Not exactly. Why you bailing out?

Logan: If you knew my father’s side of the family, you wouldn’t be asking. Besides, it’s not like Bennett can’t ask one of his brothers to be best man.

Max: Best man!

Logan: Yeah. Well, he’s only doing it because he knows it’ll make his father angry. That’s my Uncle Jonas, who regards me…as the black sheep of the family, I guess you could say. So you really can’t come with me?

Max: You said you weren’t going.

Logan: How can I not?

Max: Are you dehydrated or something? ‘Cause you’re not making a whole hell of a lot of sense.

Logan: Think you can get out of your plans?

Max: My plans? Sure. Sounds like fun.

Logan: I wouldn’t go that far. These aren’t exactly your peeps. These people pride themselves on being snooty.

Max: Don’t talk to me about snooty. With my DNA I’m pretty much a blood relative to everybody who’s been anybody, ever. Winston Churchill…Einstein…Pocahontas.

Logan: I should mention this is gonna be a formal affair.

Max: Not a problem.

(Max and Logan leave in different directions. Logan smiles.)

(Scene cuts to Max, Kendra, and Original Cindy walking into an upscale clothing store.)

Original Cindy: You hear stories about places like this, but damn!

Kendra: It’s like the pulse never happened.

(Max looks at a viloet colored evening dress)

Max : What do you think?

(Original Cindy and Kendra shake their heads and they all keep walking.)

Kendra: I love weddings.

Max: Never been to one.

Kendra: Seriously? There is nothing more romantic than two people pledging their hearts to each other ‘til the day they die. Makes me incredibly horny.

Original Cindy: No thank you. Knockin’ the boot with the same person, day in, day out, for the rest of your life? I’m not even trying to hear that.

Kendra: Don’t listen to her. You are so gonna have a good time.

(They stop in front of another evening dress with a dark crimsion colored bodice.)

Kendra: Perfect.

(Original Cindy looks away clearly bored.)

Original Cindy: Wonder how much cheddar they want for this bitch?

Kendra: Logan’s paying for this, right?

Max: It’s not like he’s my sugar daddy.

Kendra: Why not?

(A blonde Saleswoman approaches the group)

Saleswoman: Can I help you?

Kendra: We’re just browsing.

Max: How much is this?

Saleswoman: Six.

Max: Hundred?

Saleswoman: Thousand. It’s an imported Raphael Banks original.

Original Cindy: Now that’s just stupid.

Max (elbowing her): Could you put this on hold? I’m gonna come back for it later.

Saleswoman: Of course.

Max: Thank you.

(The three of them leave.)

(Scene switches to later that night at the same upscale clothing storeas it's closing. A security guard is passing by the blonde saleswoman as he is making his rounds. The saleswoman turns to the guard.)

Saleswoman: Good night. I’ll let myself out when I finish up.

Security Guard: Okay.

(A line drops from the ceiling and Max slides down it on to the store floor as the guard and the saleswoman leave the counter area. Max goes over to the dress and removes it from the mannequin.)

Max: What a girl has to go through to look good.

(Max sees the saleswoman coming back in to do an inventory check. The saleswoman comes over to the mannequins and notices the dress is gone. Over her shoulder we see Max heading out a window with the dress.)

(Scene cuts to a studio apartment. Runion is talking on his cell phone and rolling a painting and placing it in a mailing tube. A knock at the door distracts him momentarily form his conversation.)

Runion: I’m still wanted by the cops on that Makioka thing. No way I’m gonna try to get past a sector checkpoint with a hot painting…It’ll be there in two hours…Relax! This is me you’re talking to. Chill.

(Runion finishes closing the tube, hangs up and heads toward his front door.)

Sketchy: Jam Pony messenger. I got a package going to 435 Bledsoe.

Runion: Look at me. Are you looking at me?

Sketchy: With both eyes.

Runion: This is a very important package. You make sure it gets to where it’s supposed to go.

Sketchy: That’s what the man pays me to do.

(Runion hold out a wad of cash at Sketchy)

Runion: Make sure.

(Sketchy takes the money)

Sketchy: I’ll guard it with my life.

(Scene cuts to Jam Pony, Sketchy and another messenger are fencing with the mail tubes in a mock sword battle.)

Normal: Hey, hey, hey! That’s enough! How many times I gotta tell you people this is a place of business? Gimme those.

(During the swordfigh,t the packages open and their contents are spill out.)

Max: Come on, Normal, they’re just fooling around.

(Normal hunches over and picks up the contents and places them in the wrong tubes.)

Normal : All right, idiots. Let’s get back to work.

Original Cindy: What did you just call me?

Normal: I just called you and the rest of your colleagues here idiots. It’s from the Greek idiotes, as in one afflicted by idiocy, a feeble-minded person having a mental age not exceeding three years.

Max: Who the hell do you think you are, talking to us like that?

Normal: Your boss. Now bip, bip, bip!

Original Cindy: I want an apology.

Normal: Is that right?

Original Cindy: Now.

Norma (sighs)l: All right. Perhaps I was unduly harsh calling you people idiots…when in fact you’re morons. From the Greek moros, as in feeble-minded, or mental defective, having an age of between eight and twelve, capable of doing menial tasks under supervision. Now get out of my sight! Or you’re all fired.

(Scene cuts to a large apartment, Runion's partner is sitting nervously on a couch with a man named Duvalier and his two bodyguards.)

Runion's partner: It’ll be here any minute.

Duvalier: Didn’t he just tell me it’d be here any minute a minute ago?

Bodyguard: Yes, Mr. Duvalier, that’s what he said.

Duvalier: And yet my Rockwell still isn’t here.

Bodyguard: No, Mr. Duvalier.

Runion's partner: Don’t worry, you’ll have it.

(Dulvalier looks first at one of his bodyguards and then Runion's partner)

Dulvalier: I’ve got a plane to catch to Singapore tonight. And if that Rockwell doesn’t arrive in time, I’ll have to disappoint my buyer, and you ...is a dead man.

(A knock on the door. One of Duvalier’s Bodyguards answers it. Sketchy holds out the mail tube and the bodyguard takes it and slams the door on Sketchy.)

Sketchy: Hi. Jam Pony messenger. I need your signature here....

(The bodyguard tosses Duvalier the mail tube.)

Bodyguard: Yo, baby.

Runion's partner(relieved): What’d I tell you?

Duvalier: That’s what I been waitin’ for. My baby.

(Duvalier opens the tube. He pulls out some blueprints. Duvalier slaps Runion's partner across the face.)

Duvalier : What the hell is this?!

(Scene cuts to Jam Pony. Logan enters, wearing a tux as Normal is behind the counter sorting mail.)

Logan: Hey.

Normal: Hey. Can I help you?

Logan: Yeah. Is Max around?

Normal: Yeah, she’s in the, uh…

(Both Logan and Normal turn. Max enters the room wearing the dress, with her hair up and Original Cindy behind her. She’s walking in slow motion, smiling. Logan is looking at her and smiling, and even Normal seems impressed.)

Max: You clean up nice.

Logan: So do you.

Max: Shall we?

Logan: Sure.

(scene cuts to Logan’s car)

(Logan hands Max a piece of paper)

Logan : My speech for the toast. Would you mind running through it with me?

Max: You seem nervous.

Logan: I’m no good with public speaking.

Max: You deliver cable hacks to millions of people.

Logan: That’s different. There’s no one around, just a camera. There’s no family waiting for you to screw up so they can talk about it for the next twenty years.

Max: Why do you care?

Logan : I don’t.

(Max unfolds the piece of paper)

Max: Whatever. Shoot.

Logan: Okay. “Marriage is an act of daring, which requires that we be brave enough to promise ourselves..”

Max: See, that’s what I don’t get. How can you promise you’re gonna love someone forever?

Logan: Well, it’s a declaration of intent. A vow.

Max: You took it, and look how that turned out.

Logan: You and Uncle Jonas are going to get along famously.

Max: Maybe weddings should be held in secret. That way, when the marriage falls apart, you haven’t spent a lot of loot on what was really just some big ol’ public humiliation.

Logan : “It requires we entrust our most secret inner selves to them. When Bennett first told me about Marion--”

Max: Marianne.

Logan: What?

Max: Marianne. You said Marion.

Logan: Which is it?

Max: It says Marianne. You don’t know the bride’s name?

Logan: I’ve never met her. God.

(Logan hands Max the ring.)

Max: Can I see the ring? Wow. Good clarity, colorless…I could fence this for ten thou, easy.

(Logan gives her a look.)

(Scene cuts to Jam Pony, Normal is about to lock up when Duvalier’s bodyguards come in with the tube.)

Normal: Hi, guys. Sorry, we’re closed. I invite you to come back during regular business hours, though.

Bodyguard: My boss was expecting a package. You sent the wrong one. These are blueprints for a meat packing plant, not his painting.

Normal : I don’t know what to tell you, pal. My records show this is your package.

(Normal checks his clipboard)

Bodyguard: Check it again.

Normal: Listen. If your boss wants to file a complaint, have him fill this out. Okay? Get back to me.

(Normal hands him a form.)

(The bodyguard grabs Normal and stuffs the form in his mouth)

Bodyguard : Tell him yourself. Tear this place apart.

(Drags Normal out the door.)

(Scene cuts to the wedding. Logan is up front, with the groom. Max notices the woman sitting next to her is teary.)

Max: Are you okay?

Woman: I’m just so happy for them.

(Scene switches to the Harpist starts playing “The Wedding March” and the bride enters.)

Max (thinking): Poor thing. Reminds me of the look on Jondy’s face during live ordnance drills. I wonder if that’s terror or grim determination. Oh, well. It’s her life.

Bennett: I, Bennett, take you, Marianne, to be my lawfully wedded wife. You are my one true love, my light. When I was afraid, you were always there. You were brave enough for the both of us.

Max (thinking): He sounds sincere enough.

Bennett: And when I couldn’t see, you were always there to guide me home again.

Marianne: I, Marianne, take you, Bennett, to be my lawfully wedded husband. You and I come from two different worlds, but our love is strong enough to build a bridge between them.

Max (thinking): Her too.

Marianne: I promise to cherish you always, without reservation…

Max (thinking during Marianne’s vows): They look so happy.

Marianne: …and all the angels in Heaven are witness to my vow.

Minister: By the power vested in me by the military command of the state of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Max (thinking): Oh! That is so sweet.

Minister: You may kiss the bride.

(The bride and groom kiss and everybody claps. Max tears up. The woman hands Max a tissue.)

Woman : There you go, dear.

(Max dabs at her eyes with the tissue. Logan glances at her and looks surprised.)

(Scene cuts to the reception. Max takes a glass of champagne as Logan comes up to her.)

Max: You’re uncle’s got a nice spread. Where’d he make all his dough?

Logan: Off the misery of others. Every hoverdrone in North America requires this one chip in order to fly. My uncle manufactures that chip.

Max: So, in other words, we’re in enemy territory.

Logan: Mm..hmm.

Max: When do we get the cake?

Logan : Trouble with wheelchairs is you, uh--ahem--you can’t turn your back on someone and hope they won’t recognize you. (Forces a wide smile.)

Jonas: Junior!

Margo: Hello, dear.

Logan: Hi. Uncle Jonas, Aunt Margo. This is Max.

Margo: Max…?

Max: Guevara.

Margo: Guevara.

Logan: …of the Greenwich Guevaras.

Jonas: I don’t recall there being any Guevaras in Greenwich. But the world’s going to hell in a handbasket, so who knows?

(He and Margo laugh, and Logan forces a laugh.)

(Scene cuts to the Crash)

Sketchy: One thing you can say about Normal is at least he knows who he is.

Original Cindy: A constipated, crusty, angry, rhythm-free, Republican white man?

Sketchy: I myself struggle with self-identity.

Original Cindy: Wiggy, you trippin’.

Sketchy: No, I’m serious.

Herbal (on cell phone): It’s Normal.

Original Cindy: Speak of the devil.

Herbal: He’s asking for you. He sounds upset. Talk.

Original Cindy: Herbal, drop some of that I-and-I science on Wiggy here. And don’t let him have no more beer. (They leave. She speaks into the cell phone.) You callin’ during personal time, you better be calling to apologize for what you said at work today. Otherwise, I’m hangin’ up on your ass.

Normal (on phone): There’s a gun pointed at my head.

Original Cindy: You do what you gotta do. But if you’re askin’ my advice on how to end it all, I’d suggest you put your head in the oven. Or go the sleepin’ pill route.

Normal: Okay. Maybe I’m not making myself clear. There are men here with guns, boom boom, who intend to kill me if I don’t--if we don’t find their package, which has apparently been misplaced. I need your help.

Original Cindy: Well, what’s in it for me?

Normal: Money. Lots of it. Ten bucks. All right, make it twenty.

Original Cindy: I want an apology to every messenger at Jam Pony.

Normal: Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.

Orignal Cindy: And I want it in writing. And I don’t ever wanna hear the words “bip, bip, bip” again.

Normal: That’s..you’ll never hear another “bip” out of my cakehole as long as I live.

Orignal Cindy: Okay. What’s the dealio with the package?

(Scene cuts back to the reception.)

Jonas: Still writing those little articles of yours?

Logan: Yes, as a matter of fact.

Jonas: Any plans on getting a real job, or are you content to dine at the family money trough for the rest of your life?

(Logan laughs)

Logan : I enjoy my work.

Jonas : Since Junior here won’t listen to me, maybe you can use your charms to persuade him to do something with his life.

Max: Junior’s doing just fine.

Jonas: Of course, if you’re shacked up with him, you’re probably one of those free thinkers, too, and think I’m talking through my hat.

(Max smiles)

Max : Not unless you wear your hat on your ass.

(Margo laughs, Logan laughs, and eventually Jonas cracks half a smile.)

Margo: Oh, there’s Bennett and Marianne. Excuse me.

Jonas: Enjoy the party.

(They leave..)

Max: Sorry. I had to do it.

Logan: It’s fine. Another highball and he won’t even remember meeting you. Did you notice the locket my Aunt Margo was wearing?

Max: Yeah.

Logan: That was my mother’s. My father gave it to her the day I was born. She never took it off. Before she died, she told me that she wanted me to have it, to remember her by. But…when I went looking for it in her jewelry box, it was gone.

Max: You’re gonna ask for it back.

Logan: No. I mean, it’ll just cause too big a deal, and…you know…with all the denials, and excuses, and lies, and recriminations, it’s just…it’s easier to let it slide.

Max: The great and powerful Eyes Only is gonna let himself get crapped all over and ripped off by his own family? I need another drink.

Logan: Knock yourself out.

(She walks away.)

(A woman glances over at Logan and he smiles.)

Daphne: Logan.

Logan : Daphne.

(Scene cuts to Jam Pony)

Original Cindy: You sure you brought it back here after you picked it up?

Sketchy: I don’t remember.

Orignal Cindy: Don’t make me come over there and smack you.

Sketchy: The only thing that I know for sure is that I can be relied upon to be unreliable. In many respects, Normal’s right. I’m an idiot.

Herbal: No. He’s the idiot. Normal switched the contents of the packages after the swordfight. It’s the only explanation.

Sketchy: You mean I’m not an idiot?

Original Cindy: Let’s not go that far. Now who delivered the other mail tube?

(Scene cuts back to the reception. Max walks up to Logan, who is laughing with Daphne.)

Logan: Max, say hi to Daphne, my, um…old friend. We went to Yale together.

Max: Oh...

Daphne: Hi.

Logan: She’s an amazing artist.

Max: Really.

Logan: Mm..hmm.

Daphne: I’ve been meaning to tell you how lovely that dress looks on you.

Max: Thank you.

Daphne: I lusted after it myself, but…saw the price tag and got sticker shock.

(Logan gives Max a look.)

Daphne: I guess I’ll just have to stick with my Allegra Versace for another decade.

(Max’s pager goes off.)

Max: Excuse me.

(Scene cuts to Original Cindy on a pay phone, talking to Max.)

Orignal Cindy: That’s the dealio, sugar. Packages got switched. Now I’m outside the building you made the drop at.

Max: Can I ask you one question? Why exactly are we helping Normal?

Orignal Cindy: Hey, Original Cindy don’t like the man neither, but that don’t mean she wanna see him with a bullet in his head.

Max: Yeah, I suppose.

Orignal Cindy (looking at a business card): You remember anything about this Angelo Biondello guy that you made the drop to?

Max: No clue. Why?

Orignal Cindy: ‘Cause the building’s locked, and ain’t nobody here to let me in.

Max: So break in.

Orignal Cindy: Break into the building?

Max: Yeah, and if Biondello’s office is closed, just slim-jimmy your way in.

Orignal Cindy: I am not committing felony breaking and entering, even to save Normal’s subhuman life. Besides, even if I could…I’d probably just get lost anyway.

Max: I’m on my way.

(Scene switches back to Max heading back to Logan and Daphne, who are sitting at a table, laughing and joking.)

Logan: You went to Billy Shaughnessy’s senior prom? You never told me that.

Daphne: Yeah. Was I supposed to?

Max: Logan--

Logan: Yeah!

Max: Logan..

Daphne: If it’s any consolation, I wore a different dress to his prom.

Max: I have to deal with some gangsters trying to kill my boss.

Logan: Okay. Lucky Billy. As I recall, that dress was impossible to unzip.

Daphne: You bad boy!

(They laugh and Logan sips on his champagne as Max leaves.)

(Scene switches to Max taking some car keys from a board hanging on a wall.)

Valet: Can I help you?

Max: Oh. Found ‘em.

(Scene cuts to Max roars off in a silver convertible and pulls up in front of Original Cindy.)

Orignal Cindy: Sorry to pull you away from your do, Boo.

Max: No problem.

Orignal Cindy: Look at you flossin’ in a dope ri-zide.

Max (handing Original Cindy her little purse): All right. Stay here and keep an eye out.

Orignal Cindy: What are you gonna do?

Max: Try not to wrinkle this dress. Cinderella’s gotta return it in the morning.

(Scene switches to Max going around to the side of the building. She jumps onto a dumpster and up into a window. Down the hall she finds Angelo Biandello’s office. It’s empty, but she sees a man sitting on the edge of the balcony outside the window, wearing Walkman.)

Max: Hey.

(A man is startled, slipping off the balcony)

Biondello : Aaaaahhhh!

(Max grabs his hand and pulls him back onto the balcony.)

Max: What do you think you’re doing?

Biondello: Listening to “The Lion King” for the last time.

(Max yanks off the Walkman)

Max : You almost got yourself killed!

Biondello: Well, that’s kinda the point. This was supposed to be my big break...but the plans never got here. Client left in a huff. I got fired. Now I’m gonna lose my house, my wife…my little girl…

Max: You have a wife and a kid, and you’re about to take a header into the no-parking zone?

(Slaps him upside the head.)

Biondello: My job!

Max: It’s just a job. Get over it! Now tell me where the painting is.

Biondello: That poster thing? I threw it out. It’s probably in the dumpster by now.

(Max starts to leave.)

Wait! You’re the messenger, aren’t you?

Max: Yeah.

Biondello: Well, I’ve never been a believer, but you coming here personally to straighten me out…Thank you.

Max: I’ll see about getting you those plans back.

(Scene switchesto Max leaving the building and finding a dumpster. She glances into it, realizes she’ll have to climb inside, and unzips her dress.)

(Scene cuts to the reception.)

Bennett: Logan, um…Should I be worried about this toast you’re giving?

Logan (: Details of your bachelor party are safe with me.

(As Bennett walks away, Logan checks his coat pockets for his speech and realizes it’s not there.)

(Scene cuts back to Max is in the dumpster, with the dress hanging nearby She finds the painting, glances at it, and pulls some paper shreds out of her hair.)

(Max head back to the car.)

Max : Hey! Zip me up.

(Original Cindy zips the dress and hands her the purse. Max hands her the painting, finds the folded piece of paper in her purse, and runs to the car.)

Max: Logan’s...his speech!

(Scene cuts back to the reception)

(Jonas calls for the attention of all the guest by dinging on his champagne glass)

Jonas: Attention! Logan’s going to give the first toast.

Logan (smiling and chuckling nervously): Ahem....

(Scene cuts to Duvalier’s door)

Orignal Cindy: Got a 911 delivery from Jam Pony?

Bodyguard: Upstairs.

Normal: I can’t believe they actually came through for me.

Duvalier: What you thought, they just was gonna let you die?

Normal: Yes, actually. They don’t like me too much.

Duvalier: I could understand that.

(Duvalier’s guy enters the room with Original Cindy.)

Normal: It’s about time! Bip--never mind. (Stands up.) Okay. Can I go?

(Duvalier shoves him back into the chair, pulls out the painting, and examines it with some kind of hand-held scanner. He smiles, and the man on the couch looks relieved.)

Duvalier: You actually thought you could lay a phony off on me, huh?

Runion's partner: Whoa--Hey, if that’s a forgery, then I’m a victim here too, okay? Unh!

(Duvalier hits him.)

Runion's partner: I had the original, okay? I swear! Either my partner stabbed me in the back, or these guys are players.

(Runion's partner points to Normal and Original Cindy.)

Orignal Cindy: Hey, I’m just the messenger, blood. We found your package. Now let my boy go. ‘Cause believe me, he ain’t no playa playa.

Duvalier : Know what the word “defenestration” means?

Runion's partner: Isn’t that when you cut all the trees down?

Duvalier: Nah. (Nods to his guys, who drag the man over to an open window.)

Man: Oh, no. No. No! (They throw him out.) AAaaaaaahhhh!.......

(Duvalier turns to Original Cindy and points at Normal)

Duvalier: Now that’s defenestration. I don’t care what you gotta do to get me that painting. If it’s not in my hands in the next two hours, then he’s next.

(Scene cuts to the reception)

Logan: Uh. Marriage is an act of desperation. Uh...daring. Heh, heh. It’s an act of daring. And, uh…and it..it...it requires, really, that......that we be foolish enough to promise ourselves to another....brave enough. Heh, heh. It’s brave. Brave.

(Scene switches to Max entering the room and stands across from Logan, holding his speech.)

Logan: When Bennett first told me that, uh…that he’d fallen in love with…oh…a beautiful, wonderful woman. Uh…

Max (mouthing): Marianne.

Logan: Marianne…

Max (mouthing): I told him that…

Logan: I told him that…

Max (mouthing): He was lucky…

Logan: He was lucky…to have found someone to share his life with.

Max (mouthing): They crossed paths by fate…

Logan: They crossed paths by fate…

Max (mouthing) AND LOGAN: …but became partners by choice.

Logan (remembering now): And together, they are embarking on the greatest adventure two people can share.

(Everybody applauds, and Max and Logan smile at each other.)

(Scene switches to later, at the reception, where Logan is sitting at a table.)

Bennett: I was kind of worried there, but that was really good.

Logan: Thanks.

(Bennett walks away. Max comes and sits at the table.)

Max: Nice speech.

Logan: Thanks for coming to the rescue.

Max: Better late than never.

Logan: Where were you, anyway?

Max: Long story.

Logan: So about the dress…

Max (in unison): So about Daphne…

Logan: You stole it, didn’t you?

Max: I borrowed it. Was she an old girlfriend?

Logan: Yes, actually. Borrowed it from whom?

Max: Store downtown. Were you guys serious?

Logan: We were engaged for all of five minutes. You gonna return it?

Max: None of your business. Why’d you guys break up?

Logan: None of your business.

(Max's beper goes off)

Jonas: Junior!

(They bump into each other. They look at each other for a minute, slightly annoyed, and then split up to do what they need to do.)

Max (on phone): No, I’m not familiar with the term “defenestration”…Ouch…Forgery, huh?…And where’d Sketchy make the pickup?

(Aunt Margo and a friend stop on the stairs to look out over the reception. They are near Max and she hears their conversation.)

Female guest: I always wondered why Daphne and Logan broke off their engagement.

Max: That guy double-crossed the guy who was defenestrated.

Margo: Logan certainly needs a woman to take care of him. Poor thing…Handsome as ever, though, huh?

Female guest: And Daphne looks like she’s finally ready to settle down.

Max (agitated): Seven p.m. Meet you there.

Margo: Yes, it’ll be very interesting to see who catches the bouquet.

(Scene cuts to a run-down apartment hallway.)

Max : So what’s the dealio with this “catching the bouquet” thing?

Original Cindy: Whoever gets it’s supposed to get married next to the man of her dreams. Some kind of bent heterosexual thing.

(Max knocks again. No answer, but a door opens across the hall and a woman steps out.)

Max: D’you know where the guy is that lives here?

Woman: He moved out this afternoon.

Orignal Cindy: You know where he went?

Woman: No. Musta hit it big at the track or somethin’ though. Took off for the airport in a limo with three girls who weren’t wearin’ much at all.

(Scene cuts to a motel room, Runion is in a hot tup with three women.)

Runion(laughing): You gotta do me first. Know what I’m saying?

Tia : Yeah.

(Max and Original Cindy walk in the door.)

Max: I’m gonna need your undivided attention because I got somewhere else I gotta be. What did you do with it?

Runion: Do I know you girls?

(Max holds his head underwater for a minute.)

Tia (laughing): I didn’t know he was into scenarios. How much is he paying you for this?

Max (releasing his head): Where’s the real painting?

Runion: I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.

Max: Let me fill in the blanks. You went up for auction and double-crossed your partner, now deceased. You’re skipping town with the cash, only your flight was delayed on account of the weather. So here you are in a mo-mo with your little playmates, waiting for the fog to lift.

Runion: Look, whoever you are, you’ve got it all wrong.

Orignal Cindy: Here, let me do this, Boo, so you don’t mess up your dress.

(Holds his head underwater for a minute, then releases it.)

Runion: Hey! Okay!

Max: Where’s the real painting?

Runion: I sold it to this Korean ship captain. The big guy over there, Kim somebody, is a real connoisseur. Wanted it for the presidential palace.

Max: Let’s go.

(Scene cuts to the reception. Some people are dancing to “Brick House.”)

Orignal Cindy: Nothing like a room full of flat-ass white girls to get your mind off a defenestration.

(Max walks by Aunt Margo and notices the locket)

Max : Nice locket.

Margo: Oh, thank you.

(Max goes up to Logan and Daphne.)

Max: Logan, we gotta talk. It’s important. Excuse us.

(Scene cuts to a computer in a nearby room of the house.)

Logan: You sure this guy Runyan sold it to the Koreans?

Max: That’s what he said.

Logan: People are just carving up the culture and shipping it overseas to the highest bidder.

Max: What thieves do. It’s commerce. Don’t take it personally.

Logan : Well, I remember when that Rockwell was stolen, along with a Jackson Pollack and an original Nancy Kintisch. The Pollack wound up in Johannesburg, the Kintisch in Riyadh.

Max: Normal’s gonna wind up dead if you don’t hurry up.

Logan: I got a military transport, Republic of Korea, docked in Eliot Bay, setting sail in about an hour.

Max: Is it okay if Original Cindy hangs out with you and your peeps?

Logan: I guess. Why?

Max: If I have to take out a whole bunch of Korean military personnel, she might catch on that I’m a genetically enhanced killing machine.

Logan: We can’t let this guy take off with that painting. Give me a call when you... (Looks up to see she’s not there.)

(Scene switches to the main reception room)

Orignal Cindy: Find out where it’s at?

Max (nodding): And I got it covered. I need to ask you a favor. You see that girl over there? (Points to Daphne, dancing with some guy.)

Orignal Cindy: Mm-hmm.

Max: That’s Logan’s ex.

Orignal Cindy: I got your back.

Max: Thanks, Boo.

(Max leaves. The guy dances away, and Original Cindy steps in.)

Orignal Cindy: You got smooth moves, Boo.

(Scene cuts to Max driving over to the bay. She finds the ship and sneaks aboard. She walks down several hallways, avoiding sailors, and ducks into a room. She spots a safe in the floor. Kneeling and putting her ear to it, she turns the dial, listening for the lock to give way. When it does, she opens it and pulls out the painting. She unrolls it and looks at it for a minute. A sailor enters the room.)

Max: Me love you long time?

(The sailor smiles. Max levels him and runs out of the room with the painting. In the hallway, she meets a few sailors and kicks their butts, at one point tripping on her dress. The first sailor pulls an alarm and sailors come at her from all directions. Max fights her way out and reaches the top deck, where she finds a wire connecting the ship to the dock. She grabs a hook and uses it to slide across the wire.)

(Scene cuts to At Duvalier’s apartment, Max is coming up the stairs.)

Max: Where’s my boss?

(Max enters the room and hands Duvalier the painting.)

Max: I hope he hasn’t been too much trouble.

(Duvalier takes the painting and checks it with the scanner.)

Duvalier: My Rockwell. They can go.

(Normal starts to leave. Max grabs him.)

Max: Wait. I want the other package. The one that was delivered by mistake.

Normal: Uh, Max…

Max: We’re professionals, right?

(Duvalier hands her the blueprints.)

Max: Thank you for using Jam Pony.

(Scene cuts to the silver convertible as it pulls to a stop in a street.)

Normal: Listen, I know you kids aren’t particularly fond of me, which is why it was especially touching that you’d go out on a limb for me like you did tonight and I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

Max: Normal…

Normal: Yes, Max?

Max: Get out of the car. And drop this off on your way home.

(Max hands Normal the blueprints.)

Normal: Okay.

(He gets out of the car and Max drives away.)

(Scene cuts back to the reception. Everyone is gathered under the stairs, awaiting the bouquet. Max joins the crowd and stands next to Logan.)

Max: Mission accomplished.

Logan: Where’s the painting?

Max: I gave it to Duvalier.

Logan: You did what?

Max: What was I supposed to do? He was gonna kill Normal.

Logan: Oh, that’s fine. But we can’t just let this guy swing with an original Norman Rockwell. It’s a piece of American culture.

Max: Why does everything always have to turn into a cause with you?

Logan: Look. I stood there and watched them ship the Baseball Hall of Fame from Cooperstown to Kyoto. The Sultan of Brunei crated up the Statue of Liberty and took it home with him.

Marianne: Okay, girls! Are you ready?

Logan: One day this depression is gonna be over, and when it is--

(Marianne throws the bouquet. It’s headed straight for Daphne. Max leaps to knock it away from her, and Original Cindy catches it instead.)

Max : You were saying?

Logan : I was saying one day this depression will be over and when it is, it would be nice if there was something left.

Max: Normal heard Duvalier talking about flipping it over to some dude in Singapore for a pile. Supposed to leave tonight, except the airport’s closed.

Logan: Just reopened. The bride and groom called to check their flight. I need you to get out to the international terminal.

Max: I haven’t even had my cake yet!

(Logan gives her a look and turns to leave.)

Max: Where are you going?

Logan: I’ll meet you there in half an hour. I gotta run an errand.

(Logan leaves.)

Orignal Cindy (giving Daphne the bouquet): Waste of good mojo, you ask me. Original Cindy ain’t lookin’ for no husband.

Daphne: What do you say we go shoot some pool?

Orignal Cindy: All right with me, girl.

(Scene switches to Max going up to Aunt Margo and touches her on the shoulder.)

Max: I just wanted to say goodbye. I had an absolutely divine time.

Margo: Oh. Goodbye, dear.

(Max walks away and we see Margo’s neck is now bare.)

Margo: She’s a Guevara. Of the Greenwich Guevaras.

(Scene cuts to the morgue. The medical examiner pulls out a drawer with the defenestrated man’s body.)

Examiner: Please tell him when you see him--always happy to help Eyes Only…Arrived an hour ago. Apparent suicide.

Logan: Yeah, actually…he was murdered.

(Pulls out a gun, attaches a silencer, and shoots the body in the head.)

Examiner : I’m guessing the autopsy report is going to conclude the cause of death was a single gunshot wound to the head.

(Logan is wiping his prints off the gun)

(Scene cuts to the airport. Duvalier and his bodyguards are waiting in line for the metal detector. Logan goes by and bumps into Duvalier, slipping the gun in his bag.)

Logan: Oh! God. I’m sorry.

Duvalier: Man, watch where you’re going there, hear? Or I’ll break both your arms.

(Duvalier goes through the metal detector and it goes off.)

Airport Security Guard: Would you gentlemen step over here, please?

Duvalier: What, man? I got a plane to catch to Singapore in twenty minutes.

Security Guard: Please, step aside.

(Max, who had been in line behind them, swipes the painting from the bag and walks away.)

Duvalier: What’s the problem, officer? What you looking for?

(Guard pulls the gun out of the bag.)

Duvalier: Man, that ain’t mine.

Max : Not bad. You framed him for a murder he actually did commit.

(Logan turns and follows her out.)

(Scene cuts to Logan’s apartment. He’s looking at the painting, spread out on a low coffee table.)

Max: While your uncle was getting sloshed, you brought a killer to justice and saved an American art treasure. Maybe it’s time you brought him up to speed that you’re not the family failure.

Logan: I could be the Messiah and walk on water, and he’d still say....“Why can’t you fly?”

(Max laughs.)

Logan: For whatever reason, he needs to see me as a loser.

Max : Shame.

Logan: Well…I’m lucky to have him. He’s a good reminder of what I don’t want to become.

Max: So about the dress…

Logan (in unison): So about Daphne…

Max: You first.

Logan: She dumped me, out of the blue…and I guess I didn’t want you to know. The thing is, she never gave me a reason. Maybe that’s why I spent the whole night talking to her. To find out why.

Max: Did you find out?

Logan: Not really. Though I gotta say the way she was hanging with Original Cindy…That might be a clue.

Max: It’s a large life.

Logan : Yes. It is.

Max: So about the dress…I knew you were all bent out of shape about going to this thing, and I didn’t want you to have to worry about having a date that didn’t fit in.

Logan: I wouldn’t want you to fit in with that crowd.

Max: Anyway…Still, I’m returning it.

Logan: Don’t do that. I want you to keep it.

Max: Logan Cale, protector of all that is good and true, advocating larceny?

Logan: No. I’ll call the store and have them charge it to me.

Max: Forget it. It’s a waste of money.

Logan: No, it’s not. You look beautiful in it. In fact, you were the most beautiful woman there.

(Max smiles.)

Logan: And you’re absolutely right about Aunt Margo. I’m gonna get in her face about that locket. After all, it was my mom’s.

(Max hands him the locket.)

Logan: How did you--

Max: Genetically engineered pickpocket.

Logan: Thank you.

Max: Cinderella better get home.

(Max gets up and heads for the door.)

Logan: Don’t make any plans for Easter. You don’t want to miss Uncle Jonas in his giant bunny outfit.

(Max smiles and walks out. Logan admires the locket for a moment, then turns to move away from the coffee table. In the process he accidentally whacks his leg on the table leg.)

Logan: Ow.

(Logan stops, realizing he has just felt pain. Looking down, he deliberately whacks it again.)

Logan : Ooww!

(Logan sits there for a minute, letting it sink in. He smiles widely, rubbing his leg.)