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Smellan is captain of the Great Britain Ladies Sewage Swimming Team. Her commitment to this is so complete that she has taken to living in a specially made U-bend in her bedroom. Often regarded as the ultimate queen of darkness by the other goths she drinks blood by the bucket load and has scabs in her packed lunches. Her secret shame is failing a drugs test after drinking the blood of Scrobbo the Dead One. She is the only Jewish goth apart from Jerry Springer, Dangermouse, Topcat (RIP) and Gordon The Gopher. Smellan apparantly is 987 in Dog Years, which is 5221 years, 2 days in Caterpillar years.
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