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Actually, I always unhappy, feel sad of something which was forbidden to tell here.
I admit that I had cried for this in the midnight, but I'm not gonna tell you how often i did cry for this.(man, I hate let people know i did cry, but i gotta share this here, with my best friends.)
I like imagine, but is it a good thing? i don't think so. Imagine just brings you hopes. and hopes, sometimes for me, just brings me dissappointment. More hopes, more disapponitment. Is it kind of contracdiction? well, too bad that's the fact.
Unfortunately, good things never happen on me, and this time, no exceptional.
Like what I said, I like imagine, but today, I truely badly felt how harmful it is. That thing, spinning in my head almost every second, wondering, doubting, guessing, assuming, I really felt so tired.... and felt so miserable, sorrowful.
But today I seem like got the answer, all the doubting, all the hoping, kind of disappear at once, I awfully got hurt, heartbreaking.
No one told me the answer frankly, I just kind of get it myself, well, maybe it's wrong, I'm not sure. But you have to expect the worst of anything. I trust my gut feeling. I want to prepare myself before the worst happened. Let's say I'm sorta pessmistic on this one.
I think God just want me to let go of it, because I know that I'll never be happy with this thought, so he just arranged the things which happened to be good for me eventually. although the answer was rude.
I think no one knows what I'm talking about, and I know my friends will start worring about me when they read this essay, and please stop worrying, no one could help me out but myself.
and thank god, I've never ever felt so clam when I think about it, it just like" well, time to let go, it's the past!" I keep telling myself, "don't give any hope on something seems like impossible." now maybe there is still a little bit upset when I think about it, but I believe that feeling will evaporate gradually as the times goes by.
Thank you God!
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