“Three monkeys typing into infinity will sooner or later produce
Hamlet.”
I think if my cat were
placed into this experiment, he would create the exception to this certainty.
In fact, I think it is physically and universally impossible for my cat,
whether he types for one day or a hypothetical infinite days, for him to produce
a single word Shakespeare had ever written, excluding “a” or “I” because
any combination of two or more letters would prove to exceed the biological
capabilities (in terms of effort spent) that my cat, Fatcat, could manifest.
But on the other hand: In casual unintelligent conversation, what does it
mean to be wise and enlightened? The
answer, in fact, lies in the epitome of these two character traits: Fatcat.
Born in Obscure, Don’tknowwhere, Fatcat was first named Mr. Mask
because of the black and white patterns of a Halloween mask on his furry face.
As a child, he was actually skinny and agile, playing with his brothers
and sisters, and feeding off of his mother, Mothercat.
One day in his early childhood, for reasons unknown, he was adopted and
carried off by humans and brought into his new home, Abehouse, Don’tknowwhere. Because of his sudden leave and the threatening new
surroundings, little Fatcat, now only Mr. Mask, found security in the area of
Underneathcabinet. Humans poked
their heads below and reached out their hands, palms filled with catfood, but
little Fatcat feared the unknown and resisted the urge to fill his empty little
stomach. After an entire day
denying the human hand, he had completed his first step toward enlightenment
(fasting), which once he surpassed, he would never go two hours without eating
again, much less consider fasting. Jumping
this first hurdle, there seemed to be no more hurdles, just more catfood.
The next major event in little Fatcat’s life was when he stopped being
agile and playful; he just felt it was easier to lay down anywhere in Abehouse
and sleep. While his metabolic rate
incrementally decreased, Fatcat learned the value in this way of life.
By sleeping in each progressive area, he claimed that territory for
himself, until one day, all of Abehouse will be his.
In this tiring conquest, he already had under him an army of four humans
who would help open the towering doors whenever he would slowly approach, and
clean out his litter whenever the time came.
Through this continual development, he worked hard all day, and worked
hard all night until the days and nights mattered no more to him. Little Fatcat mastered the cycle of “sleep until you eat
and eat until you sleep” and slowly, he matured into Fatcat.
As
king of Abehouse, Fatcat deeply appreciated his four humans devoting their lives
to serve him, even though sometimes, he still had to discipline them with a
scratch to remind them to serve his food. Sometimes,
on his daily exercise walk from his place of sleep to his dining bowl, he would
reflect upon the different spots around the house he had conquered throughout
the day. The days would pass, but
he would not notice, because he had no concept of day or night, or work or play
for that matter. He knew his
meaning of life lied somewhere within his sleep, so he would sleep on it.
But one day, suddenly, his infinite search for meaning was interrupted by
an odorous intruder with floppy ears and a constantly sniffing nose.
The active animal must have been from an inferior intelligence and the
big, clumsy, barbarian even seemed playful!
In disgust, Fatcat fled toward isolation to resume his hard work.
When
he awoke, tired from another hours-long interval of meditation, something had
changed. When he stood at the
towering door, nothing happened: no human came to open the door at his call.
Taking an alternate route to his next task at the food bowl, he found
that the human had strangely been drawn to the large-pawed intruder and was
being led around the yard with a leash connected to its hand.
Fatcat was disgusted at the sight of the serfdom of his slaves by another
animal, but took pity on these humans and forgave them for not filling his bowl
in timely fashion this time.
This
was the major deviation that has occurred throughout Fatcat’s lifetime, so
far. Despite obstacles like these,
he persists in his search and conquests in both land and in life.
His accomplishments have spread far and wide throughout Abehouse, and
sometimes even as distant as the outskirts of Don’tknowwhere.
Within the short span of seven years, beginning with when he was only Mr.
Mask (or “little Fatcat”), hiding in Underneathcabinet, the enlightened and
wise Fatcat is now championed. His
ways, learned through many sleeps of experience, has been followed and emulated
by many. His legacies will last
forever in the forms of framed pictures everywhere--in the land of Abehouse and
even as far away as Onabedesk, Inabedorm--and even in essays recording the ways
of the Wise One: Fatcat.
-AbrahamYoung
10/9/00