I walked in to the living room and was peaking on you to see if you were awake - you were sitting in bed looking around the room as Jay, Jen and Brim - very excited to see everyone - I got dad up and after rearranging the room and everyone up and adam off for your morning bath - refreshed and full of energy singing and "dancing" in your chair - everyone was happy - smiles everywhere - dad and brim went to chick fil-a and nuggets you ate  - matter of fact all of yours and over half of mine - it did not matter - as always I had a boiled egg - everyone was very happy down loading CD's to your IPOD - this just kept everyone laughing as you finally agreed to hum and not say your "unspoken" words - as you realize what you are saying is not what is coming out - at least you can laugh and I hope this continues as laughter  is how we have survived the last 14 yrs with dad - I still laugh when the nurse said and normal blood pressure is?? 220/180  says dad - I begin to speak and she says now Rob what would you do - call D and tell her what it is - real good right - then back to normal respiration - dad 120 - 140 - we still laugh until then I never knew just how much I have taken care of all but everything  - but today I know will end soon - to soon for you as now you are aware of days, nights - trees - just life - since we have removed you from your medical world - and in this apt - as the morning  goes - everyone begins to pack and I can slowly see the spark leaving your eyes - like letting the air out of a balloon - we are sitting out side - long slow steady wave - I could not look you in the eye as tears were flowing down my face faster than all four of you together - I never realized just how separation hurts  - and how the ability of not being able to see family - talking is fine  but now seeing now that is togetherness means so much to our family I now know how alienated you felt in CA - and we all grow up and move away - not far as now we will stay in a family commune as dad has always called it -  now for the rest of the evening it is very hard to avoid the situation of it being just the 3 of us - you and your dad watch the race - I love just being able to see the 2 of you become 1 - as you each can just look at each other and know what the other wants - this is good - as I feel like I did when you were 8 before your dad's accident and the three of you had so much fun every day - riding mud roads, picking wild flowers (for Valentine's - and sending you in to the gardens where the little old ladies were growing flowers - and saying "my mom loves those flowers" and of course giving them to you) and seeing the sparkle as you 3 have the same twinkle in your eyes - maybe that is a dad "trait" - not sure but I am proud of it -  night falls and it is time for bed and you as wanting to know a "date" and when we will go home, I tell you we will fine out after a couple of weeks at Pathways . . all is ok - then good night Lee. . . love mom