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| ����������������������������������������������������������������������� New Life | ||||||||||
| Calling oneself a survivor is a common statement in today's society.� However, real survivors have a tendency to be quiet about the whole topic.� I came from a very dysfunctional family, and leaving home at the tender young age of 12 had a big influence on my decision-making abilities.� I understood that I would survive if I always gave my best effort at my job, whether I enjoyed it or not.� Looking back over my life it is amazing to me how the little survivor in me has had such an impact on different aspects of my education and career. | ||||||||||
| �My fears always affected making decisions in life even when it came to my education.� School was always easy for me as a child, and the report card with all A's was easy for me.� I remember studying trigonometry in a classroom all alone in ninth grade math because I was so far ahead of my class in school.� I felt like a sponge absorbing all the education that I could every second of the day.� Yet, when other children went home, my day had just started.� I would walk 2 miles down a frozen highway to a truck stop diner, washing dishes into the early morning hours, and then trying to catch some sleep on an ice cold cement floor under a staircase at a local hardware store.� Those North Dakota winters were brutal, and having a job to make money was all I knew. | ||||||||||
| �Back in the ninth grade, I was very perplexed when the time came to make the decision to work or go to school.� I needed a place to sleep, food, and money to survive, so work took precedence over my education.� I found myself going to school with no rest and falling asleep in my classes.� Enjoying my job was not important, and I just felt I needed one to feel secure.� The older I became the more my need for security took over my personality.� Finally, at 16, I just gave up on school. | ||||||||||
| �Throughout my adult life, surviving weighed heavily on my attitude towards work. The thought of being homeless again in North Dakota, in the middle of winter, not knowing where my next meal was going to come from, or where I would be able to sleep, was my biggest fear, so survival made me extremely vigilant about my job.� I was determined to do my absolute best while at work, and to be loyal to whoever was my employer, staying late, working weekends, working through my breaks, even volunteering to help others with their work, always striving to do a better job each day.� Looking back, I realized that I was completely living my life through work.� My whole purpose in life was my job; it was my identity. | ||||||||||
| ����������� Since I worked most of my adult life away, turning forty-two years old was of no great importance.� I thought, I was content with myself and where I was in my life.� I had a great job as a production machinist with a successful company.� At my job I was respected a great deal for my contributions to the company.� I was the best at my job and the company knew it.� When there was a major problem within the corporation and all the brainstorming management teams could not figure how to resolve an obstacle, they came to me.� Their attitude was that if I could not solve the issue, it could not be fixed.� Even with all that admiration from my employer, when the opportunity for me to leave my job and further my education came upon me at forty-two, it was more significant than I could have imagined; it was a crossroad.� Never in my wildest dreams had I thought I would be able to go back go school. | ||||||||||
| ����������� With days of encouragement from my new wife and friends, and some serious soul searching, I was able to keep the survivor anxiety to a minimum and I made the decision to take that step towards higher education.� I can honestly say I am now happier than I have been in years.� At 42 I left my job and signed up for my first semester last fall.� I will admit, that at first, I felt as if part of me was missing.� But as time went by, I realized that the little sponge in trigonometry class is still there, so now my new identity is not defined by my job, it is all me.� In addition, I do not think there is a better example for my sons to see, than me trying to better myself through a college education.� The only regret I have now is I wish my fearful little survivor had not been afraid earlier in life. | ||||||||||
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