Title: ATF:TFD - A Life to Come 1/1

Author: Birgit "Lee" Kohls

Feedback: Serious comments appreciated. Send to [email protected]

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and there is no profit. 

Magnificent Seven belong to Mirsch, CBS, MGM and Trilogy.

Rating: PG

Warnings:  language, angst, birth of a child

Spoilers:  None

Notes:  I'm not a native English speaker, so humour me. 

This story started out as a side story for “Impossible means not yet done”. Then the 11th of September 2001 turned everything upside down. This story has some of the thoughts that went through my mind in the past three weeks, but it also contains my hope that some day our children and the generations to come will live together equally and peaceful on this planet. 

Genre: Gen

Main character: Ezra 

 

 

ATF: TFD - A Life to Come

 

by Birgit “Lee” Kohls

(September 2001)

 

In memory of the victims of terrorism and fanatism. An eye for an eye will leave us blind.

 

The call came in the wee hours of Friday morning. Ezra stirred to wakefullness with an annoyed groan and reached for the offending phone on the nightstand next to his bed. He had returned from another graveyard shift for the FBI Department of Miscellanious Affairs only a couple of hours ago and had finally managed to fall asleep, silencing the seemingly endless row of questions that circled through his mind over and over again. The uneasy, moggy heatwave that Atlanta and its citizens had to endure in the second week of September didn’t help much. 

“Standish.”

“Ey Ez, we’re in the hospital, you gotta come at once,” the voice on the other side of the line was beyond exitement and it took the Southerner a moment to recognize it.

“Buck?” Fear gripped his heart. The hospital. Was one of his team mates injured? 

“The one and only. You gonna come now? Everyone’s here already and you gonna be late!”

 If Ezra was confused before he grew irritated now. “Mr. Wilmington, if this is some sort of ill joke on your part…”

“Would I call you in the middle of the night in jest?” Buck chuckled.

“Yes.” Standish rubbed his tired eyes and tried to focus his thoughts which were as heavy as the air outside. 

“Casey’s having her baby!” Buck had sobered a bit but he was still exited. “If you hurry up you might just be here in time.”

Ezra could easily visualize his friend’s face now, the grin that reached from one ear to the other. The baby! He sighed. Was it really four months already since they had recalled him from Team Seven? The days and weeks had passed so slowly, grinding and nagging on his nerves with every day that the former undercover agent had spent looking for evidence in vain. Standish supressed a sigh and a yawn. “I assume that you already have made arrangements for my transportation?”

“You bet on it,” Wilmington replied. “Plane leaves at 5 am. You better hurry. The ticket is paid for and waiting.”

Ezra smiled, coming to a decision. “And if I say ‘no’?”

“Tell that lazy cuss if he’s not here in seven hours, I’ll haul his sorry ass to Denver personally," Larabee's voice grumbled in the background and Standish's smile grew to a grin.

"Tell Mr. Larabee that I resent such unqualified statements."

Even though Ezra was sure that his team leader couldn't hear him, he anticipated the answer that was about to come. And he wasn't disappointed.

"Shut up, Ezra."

"You heared him, Ez. Stop bitching and get your rear end over here. Josiah will pick you up," Buck offered jovially. 

"You guys have absolutely no style," the Southerner muttered loud enough for Wilmington to hear it, then added:. "Don't be too late."

 

Seven and a half hours later, Ezra had joined his team mates in the waiting room of the nursery station in the hospital. All were there, apart from JD who was with Casey, giving her support. The hours passed slowly and waiting became a real task.

Ezra had already shared the latest gossip and rumours from Atlanta with Chris during the first hour of their waiting, covering the uneasiness he felt about not having disclosed anything. The Southerner had hoped that by this time, evidence would pile up and the miscreceants would be behind bars, but no matter how much he had tried, he had run into a solid wall of silence, cold and rejection. His past was catching up on him in Atlanta and if it hadn’t been for the constant reassurance of his friends that the TFD was just waiting for him, that his home and family was there for him, Standish wasn’t sure if he had managed to stand through the ordeal. And even though the tension amongst the men was almost visilbe now as they waited for news in the hospital waiting room, he found himself securely engulved in the strong bond of friendship they had formed over the years.

Now, Buck Wilmington paced restlessly through the room while Nathan and Josiah discussed the same article of the ‘Parents Magazine’ for the nth time. Chris had leaned back, his eyes closed. Ezra guessed that their fearless leader was lost in memories of his own, maybe the day when Chris’s son Adam was born. Standish himself couldn’t fully surpress the uneasy feeling that was building in his guts. They were waiting for almost twelve hours now, including the time it had taken to travel from Atlanta to Denver. Delivering a baby couldn’t take this long, could it? The only one who semed totally relaxed was Vin Tanner.

“Don’t yer worry, Ez. First baby always takes longer,” the Texaner smiled reassuringly at Ezra. “Everythin’ will be just fine.”

“When Adam was born, Sarah was in labour for almost a full day,” Chris added, stirred from his thoughts. “It’s all still within normal limits.”

The former undercover agent sighed and ran a hand through his hair. No wonder he was getting nowhere in Atlanta. He had thought he had hidden his worries, but they apparently were open on his face, for everyone to read. “I know. It’s just…”

His voice trailed off. Even now, after ten years, it was hard to admit how he felt about his chosen family. Vin patted his shoulder sympathically.

“We know, Ez. Waiting is always the hardest part if you care about someone,” Tanner smiled and Ezra pulled a face.

“Vin?”

“Yes, Ez?”

“Shuddup.”

Tanner laughed and was about to make a comment when the door to the waiting room opened. Buck stopped dead in his tracks when he saw JD standing in the doorframe. The youngest team member was white as chalk, his brown eyes huge with fear.

“Casey… the baby…” he muttered. Wilmington was with him in an instant, grabbing Dunne by his arms and shaking him gently.

“What about Casey and the baby?” Buck queried, concern written clearly in his expression.

“Complications,” JD whispered, gazing at his friend with tearfilled eyes. “There are complications. something about the naval cord…”

“What about the naval cord?” Nathan wanted to know, but one look at the shaken, terrified ATF agent told him that he wouldn’t get much information out of JD right now. “Calm down, son. She’s in good hands here.”

Ezra had watched the scene silently, feeling his heart beating up to his throat. Dear God, no! Not them. Not Casey and the baby. Please let them be all right.

Buck guided JD over to one of the chairs and sat him down. The mustached man exchanged looks with his team mates, tense and fearful.

“Casey will be just fine, JD,” he tried to calm the young man, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Trust me.”

“I’m scared, Buck,” JD stated hoarsely. “Oh God, what if….”

“Shhh! I don’t want to hear a word about the ‘what ifs’, you hear? Casey will be all right, and so will the baby,” Wilmington gave his protégé a serious stare and JD gathered himself.

“Promise?”

It was almost like a child’s question. JD was clinging to the strand of hope that Buck offered.

“Promise.”

Ezra supressed a sigh, wondering if Wilmington was aware that the promise he had just given to the desperate father-to-be could very well be an idle one. It wasn’t within the womanizer’s power to keep the promise, but he had given it nevertheless.

Joy and sorrow, hope and dispair. They were so close together. How many children were born every day? Standish had no clue. Earlier that day, they had shared the joy with another family who hat celebrated the birth of a son. But within the blink of an eye, the world had turned into a dark place, the shadow of sorrow lurking in the simple word ‘complications’. Why did it have to be Casey? Why wasn’t there anything he could do to help? Ezra wished that he could just turn back the time, do something to take the fear away, warn the doctors or shelter JD from the inevitable.

But he could do nothing but hope and pray for a miracle. If he just didn’t feel so helpless. Unwanted images came back. Another September, years ago but still fresh in the memory as if it had been yesterday. Unspeakable, unimaginable, unbelievable, indelible.  Pictures that were burned into his soul. The twin towers, covered in black smoke and gigantic, orange explosions. Steel and concrete crumbled in a gigantic pile.  Dust that covered everything. Death. Pain. Sorrow.

Ezra shuddered, glancing over to JD who stared blankly through Buck, oblivious of what was going on around him. Then he looked over to his friends, who had serious expressions on their faces, torn between the urge to sooth Dunne and their own fears.

Joy and sorrow. Life and death. Why did one person miraciously survive and the next person die? Luck? Fate? God? The Devil?  

The former undercover agent shifted uneasily on his seat.  He had no answers for the questions, but there was one thing he had learned: Life was precious and fragile. The fraction of a second was enough to destroy a person’s hopes and dreams, enough to turn someone’s reality upside down. Wether it was on the great scale like with tragedies as in New York or on the small scale with a single individual. Wars, terrorism, the broad spectrum of natural or manmade catastrophies, accidents, diseases… There were always the innocents who suffered. How often had Ezra asked himself ‘Why?’ after a bust or a raid, seeing who paid the price for the big players. How often had he helped in accidents, reeling with the victims, numb with the incredible intensity of what was going on?

But at least he had been able to do something. This here was worse, because he knew he could do nothing. Whatever happened with Casey and her baby, Ezra had no choice but to accept the outcome. Turn a page and go on with your own life. Pick up the pieces and look ahead. Time heals. Sure. Tell me another one. The absurdity and sarcasm of it! Ezra knew he would never be able to forget, that the memory was always there. It might be lurking in the shadows of his mind, covered by daily life and recent events, but it was always there. He saw the pictures in his dreams, faces that haunted him, images that made his heart bleed, thoughts that surfaced unwanted. Sometimes, he just wanted to scream.

But in everything bad that happened there was a chance of uncovering something good. Maybe it was life’s way of  balance, maybe it was a human trait. Maybe it was just Buck Wilmington’s stubborness to give up. Hope. Yes, Ezra would cling to the feeble strand of hope because hope was all that he could do. Casey and her baby would be okay. Life would go on and soon, this day would be just another memory, a rememnescence that would surface in another dark hour.

The door to the waiting room opened and Standish was ripped rudley out of his musings. Seven pairs of eyes stared at the nurse who entered. Seven hearts beat faster, at the same time fearing and welcoming that the time of waiting was over. Seven men held their breath in this moment that seemed to last an eternity.

The nurse smiled. “Mr. Dunne?”

“Here,” J.D. croaked.

“Congrats. It’s a healthy girl.”

 

Ezra paid his visit to the young family the next day. His flight back to Atlanta was due in a couple of hours and the urge to just quit the FBI and return to Denver was almost impossible to resist. He had tried everything he could and turned up no result, even doubted that he would get any result by now, so why prolonge the stay unneccessarily? Ezra frowned, shoving the nagging need to return home behind a façade of duties and responsibilities. 

Casey was just feeding the baby under the scrutiounous eyes of her husband when the Southerner entered the hospital room.

“Uh… Sorry,” Standish blushed and hastily retreated, highly embarressed to have interrupted the homely scene.

“Ez, wait!” JD kept him back.

“But… Casey… the baby… erm…” Ezra stuttert, blushing even more when Casey laughed softly.

“No need to be shy, Ezra.” She smiled reassuringly. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

A little bit insecure on how to act, Standish took a seat, taking in the image of mother and child. So peaceful and full of love. The baby looked so small and fragile, tiny fingers searching for a hold, the little face still a bit crumpled. The too big blue eyes shut lazily as she drank her meal. Ezra swallowed as he was overwhelmed by a sensation of care that went beyond everything he had felt before. His expression became soft and almost dreamy. 

“Isn’t she just beautiful?” JD hadn’t missed his friend’s sudden sentimentalism.

“She is,” Ezra breathed, fully taken by the scene. When he noticed the looks that the young couple exchanged, he quickly gathered himself. “Did you already decide on her name?”

“Yes,” Casey beamed and notioned her husband to take the baby now that she was fed.  “Her name is Samantha Hope Dunne, after JD’s grandmother.”

 “Samantha Hope. That is a wonderful name.” Ezra remembered the fearful minutes he had spent in the waiting room with his friends the previous day and suppressed a sigh.

“Casey and I would like you to be Sam’s godfather.”

Ezra gaped, staring from one to the other dumbfounded. “You want me to be her godfather?”

“Only if that’s okay with you, of course.”

If Ezra hadn’t known better, he’d sworn that JD was enjoying the situation. He had no idea what to say. Godfather. Part of the family. He swallowed hard. “Sure… it’s just… unexpected.”

He casted another glance at the newborn and added softly: “Thanks. You have no idea what this means to me.”

“Do you want to hold her for a moment?” Casey wanted to know.

“Uh-me?” The Southerner looked at the fragile bundle in JD’s arms and his eyes widened. “You sure?”

J.D. chuckled. “Ez, you act like you have never held a baby in your arms before.”

Ezra accepted the baby and carefully embraced her in his arms. She yawned and her lips curled into her first smile before she fell asleep. He couldn’t help but stare in awe at the small miracle of life that he was holding in his arms. “Well, it never was family before.”

 

 

The End