 |
|
| 257 1/19/04 Black & White Every night before I fall a sleep I think and doubt, Of all the what ifs and of corse the what about(s), With what has been and what just might, All together building up to this very fight... Is it really all in my head like I�ve always thought, Was I really ever scared of hurting you that one night fought, Do I really feel that in the end this will make it through, And how can this not hurt myself after what has been to This is not my doing or at least that�s what I want to believe, I am a good person though the cuts quickly make that thought leave, Maybe I deserve this in some sick twisted sort of way, This is one part of the game of life I no longer want to play Closure is what it is though this in fact still isn�t going away, Locked inside my head is a war of two sides with much to say, There is only black and white for the grey is driving me mad, And you�re the reason behind it all now isn�t that sad My dilemma lies in the concept of what is the right thing to do, Should I just go by my feelings in my decision like an example of you, Or should I try a little harder at something seemingly awkward to me, Half of me still says no though the other still doesn�t want to agree So you can make this decision for me since I feel that it�s only right for you, There are three choices in this matter and hopefully you�ll also see the troubled view, It�s one of those cases where either you win, I win or even we both lose, And it seems to be gravitating towards the third choice which isn�t news I would write here about how you feel but honestly I do not know, All I know is that you feel that we would be to complicated so, We should stay friends because for some reason you care about me, And you would enjoy just hanging out as perfectly as that my be For I feel that we should be together on more common ground, Because this is something good that we have found, Why be anything less when we both feel something towards another, Why should I suppress these feels which I should embrace and not smother But of corse the conflicting choice that contradicts the preceding two, Nothing at all, because a friendship would be to complicated to go through, I can�t be the friend that I should be and still not have this constant urge for more, And in this case which seems to be happening now I can�t be around you anymore It�s not fair and I know it but what am I to do, �When every thought I�m think of is you�, I need to get over you and if this is what you also want, I�ll say goodbye for now as nonchalant(ly as I can.) - �When every thought I�m think of is you�- from the song Kinda I Want To by Nine Inch Nails |