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| 246 12/10/03 Suffer This is in itself nowhere close to being a poem, So don�t try looking for a rhyme scheme, Because you won�t find one, And don�t try looking for a pattern, In how I seem and act, It�s almost more of a mystery to me, As you couldn�t even imagine, I can feel it all slipping away, For I�m seriously starting not to care, I see reasons all around me, And I�m getting close to making up my mind, I know the few that show their feelings, That actually might care about my decisions, And the scary part about it, Is it�s almost becoming a game to me, How far can I go in order to push you all away, Leave me to my death bed without any feeling, For today was just like yesterday, And tomorrow will be like today, What�s the point anytime when it�s hell either way, I need something to hold on to, I need someone to be more then just there, I need to find reason in the logic, I need to find out who I am, And I�m insecure because of it, I hate every breath I take, And every moment I think of what isn�t going to be, I hate knowing that I�m pathetic, And yes you know I am, I hate all the free time that I have to kill, And all the moments like right now, I hate the thoughts in the back of my mind, I hate the silence filling me up inside, I hate myself for the things I do, And I hate even thinking that there is a you, So kill me now I beg you, Because I�m obviously not part of your master plan, Do you want me to cut a little deeper, Do you really want to see me in hell that bad, Cause I know that would be where I was going, If there is such a thing as hell after all, I�m such a horrible person and you know it, You just want to see me suffer over this decision, For countless days on end, I just wish that I could face you, And ask you why you allow all this pain, Because honestly I don�t think you�re in existence, Unless you�re not what everyone thinks you are, Because people turn to religion when they�re having tough times, But you know what? I need more then empty promises to give rest to my mind. |