| Chapter 21 How could I let a painting get to me? She is dead. She has no control over me or does she? I'm so lost and confused that I don't know what end is up any more. All I want is to have twenty-four hours without seeing that face or feeling her hands. These thoughts and other ran through Lucky's mind as he tried to calm down but at the moment it wasn't working. He was so angry at his reaction to the painting that he was shaking all over. He felt like running but where would he run. How do you run from your own mind? Liz sat beside Lucky and waited. She didn't have to use too much of her imagination to figure out what Lucky was thinking about. She had been in his shoes all the weeks ago and Lucky helped her through it. So, she was going to do the same thing for him and if it meant just sitting beside him to let him know that he wasn't alone. Then she was going to do it. Time moved slowly for both of them and gradually Lucky started to calm down enough and he finally found his voice. "I'm sorry, Liz. I acted like a jerk out there," Lucky told her finally. Liz looked at him and said, "You weren't a jerk. I think AJ was more a jerk then you. You had the right to blow up. He didn't," Liz told him. "Yeah, but my reaction to the painting was totally out of line," Lucky told her. "No, it wasn't and I think it was an improvement to her face," Liz said with a smile. Lucky couldn't help but laugh at this. "See, I knew I could get you to smile." "Thanks, but I still feel dumb," Lucky told her. "Lucky, get over it. If I had a picture of my rapist, I would have used it for target practice by now. You can get mad and you should do more, because the sooner you let out the pain the sooner you are going to heal," Liz told him. "I just feel numb inside. At least I did until I saw the painting. Then something inside me snapped. I couldn't contain the rage. All I wanted to do was rip her apart the way she ripped me apart," Lucky told her. "I know that feeling. You are cold and empty but people want the old you and the problem is that you don't know what the old you was like," Liz told him. "Mom, at least understand this. I think both of us are numb for different reasons. She loved dad and now he is gone. She is trying to hide it to protect me but I know she is hurting. I just wish she would give in and grieve," Lucky told her. "What about you? You loved Luke just as much. Are you grieving for him?" Liz asked. "I think I am. My problem is that when I think about dad. I think about that night and Helena takes over. I just wish I could just separate the two of them. I think the last time I really dealt with just dad was when me and mom talked in the hospital about him," Lucky admitted. "Why not try it with me?" Liz suggested, "I am willing to listen." "I know you are but right now. I can't do it. What I do what is just be with you. Can you hold me?" Lucky asked her. He looked so sad and out of place that Liz's heart broke for him and she opened her arms and pulled him to her. The two of them sat on the couch just holding each other and being there. It didn't take them long for either of them to fall asleep and when Laura finally walked in to check on Lucky. She found them fast a sleep. She was grateful that he found some peace and with a sad smile on her face. Laura turned around quietly closing the door and headed back to the main room. She wanted to let Lucky rest as long as she could. He didn't get a lot of that lately. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` "How is he?" Kevin asked as Laura walked out of the office. "Sleeping and that is good. He had a rough night last night," Laura admitted to Kevin. Kevin took this in and thought for a few moments about the offer he had in mind and finally came to the decision to go for it. "Laura, I heard that Lucky has been having trouble talking with Gail. I think maybe it is because she a woman. So, if you want me too. I'll try to talk to Lucky and see how far can get with him." "Thanks, Kevin but if he doesn't want to talk to you. Don't push it," Laura told him. "I won't. Lucky needs to talk but pushing him to open up will only make things worse. I'll come by sometime this week and try. If it doesn't work, then it don't work," Kevin said trying to sound at ease with this but he wasn't. He knew from experience how Lucky felt and all the things that could come of it if he didn't deal with it now. Kevin hoped the kid would start taking about it if not with him then someone. Laura watched him go and then spotted Nikolas taking to Robin not too far away. She walked over to the couple and said, "Robin, what you said about Luke and Robert was perfect. I think it fit what I was trying to get people to do." "Thanks, Laura. I didn't know if it was right or not but that is how I felt. I have wanted to stop by and talk to Lucky. I know what it is like to loose your father and I thought talking about both of them might help." "Thanks and I hope you do. He needs lot of friends right now and he also needs his big brother," Laura said to Nikolas. "I know and I haven't been around a lot these past few days. I guess I'm still trying to figure out where I belong in all of this," Nikolas told her. He still couldn't believe that Luke wasn't only his stepfather but his grand father and his mother was his step grandmother? He hated the Cassadines for this and he felt rotten for even standing up for them in the first place. He also wondered how his mother and brother could openly except this. "I know how you feel. I feel bad about all of it but no one knew but Helena. She kept quite and let us keep on thinking that your father was a Cassadine. She played her game and lost. All we can do is except all of it and move on. We can't change the past and I wouldn't want to. If I never met your father then I would have you. If Luke raised Stefan, hard telling where they would have ended up or what he would have been like. Things happened for a reason and we just have to live with it," Laura told him as she placed a loving hand on his shoulder. "I never thought of it that way. I guess you are right but you have to admit it is messed up," Nikolas told her with a smile on her face. "Spencers have always been messed up," Laura said with a smile and she kissed him on the cheek then left the couple to talk in peace. Robin looked at Nikolas and said, "You know she is right. You can't change the past. All you can do is try to survive the present." "I know and I want to thank you. You have helped me a lot these past few days. I don't think I could have made it without you," Nikolas told her as he leaned over and gave her a warm hug. Robin smiled at this and said, "Your welcome. I didn't do much but listen to you." "You did more then you think. It was hard dealing with Lucky and my father at the same time. I know I acted like I understood things but inside I didn't. It was hard sitting there watching your own grandmother make moves on your own brother and know he hated it. I wanted to get her stop but I knew I couldn't control Helena. All I could do was try to keep them apart as much as possible. Then she dropped the bomb shell about father being a Spencer and in one swift move she ripped my name from me," Nikolas told her. "That would be hard to deal with but your name doesn't make who you are. It helps but it isn't all of it," Robin told him and the two sat down at the nearest table to talk. Robin held on to Nikolas hand to try to show her support for him. The couple talked quietly alone for a long time and soon Nikolas felt much better about things and he hoped for his brother's sake that he would find peace with the changes as well. Chapter 22 Back to Luke's Secret Past |