Scott smiled. "It was fun! We painted pitchers in art. Wanna see?"
"Why not?"
Scott slipped his backpack off his back and rummaged through it until he found what he was looking for. He displayed it proudly. "See, it's you, me, and Mommy!"
"Very nice, Scott, but why am I bigger than everyone else?" his father asked.
"Cause you're the boss," Scott said, suddenly unsure of himself.
"I see."
"You're the boss, so you get to be bigger," Scott said uncertainly.
"Well, that's true." Scott smiled, his fears momentarily put to rest. "What else did you learn in school today?"
Scott put his pack in the closet. "Nothing," he said, shutting the door.
"What was that?" his father asked, standing up.
Scott looked up, blue eyes wide. "I said...I said..."
"What did you learn today, Scott?"
Scott backed up into the counter. "I learned...we painted?" he offered weakly.
"You told me that."
"Yesterday we learned about zebras and lions," he said.
"I didn't ask about yesterday, I asked about today," his father said, stepping closer.
Scott looked around nervously. "I don't remember?"
"You don't remember?! What good is going to school if you don't remember what you learn?"
Scott looked around, searching for something to trigger his memory. "We learnt...learnt about the...numbers!" he said triumphantly. "The number 3 and the...the number..." he ran over the numbers in his head. "30 and the number...300!!"
"Very good," his father said, sitting back down.
Scott smiled with relief and ran upstairs to color. He hadn't told the truth, they'd learned about 3, 30, and 300 yesterday with the zebras and the lions, but lying was better than the alternative.
"Where have you been?" he heard his father say.
Scott squeezed his crayons tighter in his hand, and with the other reached for his stuffed bear, holding it close. He heard his mother's small reply, then his father's booming voice once more.
"You were out with the girls AGAIN? Don't lie to me! You were LATE! I told you to be home and you WEREN'T!" There was a pause, then a loud smack of flesh on flesh.
Scott cringed and clutched Snuggles. Suddenly, he heard loud footsteps walking up the stairs. He hid the bear under the bed and concentrated on his picture.
"Scott, come here please," he heard his father say from the doorway. Scott quickly put his things away and walked to the doorway. "It's time you learned a few things."
The two walked down the stairs and Scott started when he saw the thing he loved more than anything, his mother, on the floor in the living room, a hand on her cheek, soft sobs coming from her mouth.
"You see, Scott," his father said, sitting him down on the couch. "Your mother was out late, and she didn't call. See, that's why the world needs men like me and you to teach women how to obey us. She was supposed to call if she was going to be late, and she didn't. She disobeyed, and now she has to learn..."
Scott closed his eyes right before he heard another resounding slap. Suddenly, he felt his own face jerk to the side and a burning pain in his cheek. "Ow," he whimpered.
"You need to WATCH and LEARN, boy," his father said, hitting his mother again.
Scott started to cry.
"Don't cry, you baby, you're a man. You have to learn to make women respect you!"
Scott hiccuped and tried to keep his cries silent, closing his eyes whenever the monster's back was turned. Because that's what this man was. A monster.
*~*End Flashback*~*
"I don't know why he would hit Lance," Roy was saying quietly to Karen. "He loves that boy more than life itself."
"He made me watch," JC said dully, coming down the stairs. Both Karen and Roy could see tear streaks on his face, and he was holding his childhood bear, the one he'd come to them with. What was the name of it? Snuffles? Snuggles? Snuggles.
"What?" Roy asked.
"He hit my mother and he made me watch. He was teaching me to..." JC broke down at the bottom of the stairs. "He was teaching me how to make a woman respect me," he sobbed brokenly. "He said she disobeyed and he had to make her learn to respect him..." he couldn't finish. "If I didn't watch, he'd hit me."
"Oh, Josh," Karen said, looking at Roy. They hadn't imagined this.
"I must remember it...I'm just like him," he sobbed.
"Josh, no, you're different," Karen said. "You're a sweet, kind, beautiful young man inside and out. What happened in your past, you can't change that."
"I'm no better than him," JC said. "I have to go talk to Lance...have to...I'm so sorry..." he jumped out of his parent's arms, the family that had taken him in, and he ran out the door, still holding the bear.
*****
"Oh God," Justin said, seeing someone walk -- stagger, almost -- up his driveway. "What is he holding?"
Chris joined Justin at the window and his breath caught at the broken man before them. "Is that a teddy bear? What's wrong with him?"
"Is it Josh?" Lance asked from the couch.
"I thought you were asleep!" Joey said.
"Uh uh," Lance said with a small smile.
"Yeah," Justin said, and he's carrying something." He opened the door and JC staggered in.
JC saw Lance peeking over the edge of the couch and almost lost it again. "Can I talk to you alone, Lance? Please?"
A little bit of fear worked its way into Lance, but he ignored it, seeing the shell of JC standing in the doorway. "Okay," he said. "Okay."
*****
Lance and JC sat on the bed in Justin's room. "I know you must hate me," JC began.
"No, Josh, I don't hate you, I don't think I could--"
"Let me finish," JC said, clutching Snuggles the now tattered bear closer to his chest. "I know you must hate me now, and I hate myself. I'm not going to give you an excuse for what I did, because it's inexcusable...but maybe I can offer an explanation..."
"Go ahead, Josh," Lance said.
JC didn't look up. "She called me Scott," he began, staring at the brown fur of the bear, drawing comfort from it as he had done so many years before.
*
It was some time later when he finished. "And...he'd just make me watch when he hit her, and if I closed my eyes or looked away...and he saw it...he'd hit me too," JC said.
Both JC and Lance had long ago given up to tears. Lance moved and hugged JC close to his chest. "Oh, Josh," he said.
JC didn't respond to the warm arms around him, instead he tightened his grip on the bear. "He told me that I had to make women obey me, and respect me, and I guess I...I just had it rooted in me so deeply that I...I couldn't...It just showed up when I saw you last night, and I..."
"Josh, shh...it's okay..."
"No it's not!" JC sobbed. "I hit you Lance, I hit you and I love you more than life itself! I am so sorry and I don't know how to forgive myself. And I don't think I can because...I'm just like him. I can't...I can't...I look into the mirror and I see him, I see his face and I can't just get rid of this. I'm no better than he is..."
"Josh, you ARE better than he is," Lance said. "I promise, you are. We'll get you help, okay? You can beat this, I promise."
JC sniffled and wiped his eyes. "I'm so sorry," he whispered brokenly. "I don't even know how to..."
"Josh..."
JC stood up. "I'm going to get help," he said, nodding his head. "I won't let this happen to you...or me...again, I...I can't promise, but I can promise to do my best...I won't..."
"Josh, I know--" Lance said.
"I hate him, you know?" JC said, laughing a little. "I mean, he hit me, he hit my mother, but most of all, he made me hit you, and I don't know if I can forgive him for that..." he stopped. He looked down at Snuggles and shook his head, giving it one last hug and handing it to Lance. "I want you to keep this until I'm better."
"Josh, I couldn't--"
"No, please, take it. Please?"
Lance wordlessly accepted it.
"I love you, you know that, right? And even though I'm just like him...I'm not going to hit you. I can't do that to you...I love you."
Lance looked at the bear. "I know, Josh...I know."
