The Phone Book and Jesus
I unfolded my new accordian fold phone book, trying to find the "J." Mist covered my hands everytime the wind picked up. I made the book out of torn envelopes at work on a slow night. My favorite part about it was the little gold ribbons I used to bind it at the ends. "Whenever I use the gold ribbons, I get dust-like glitter on my fingers....I love that!" I said outloud grinning. "Yea?" He asked, laughing. I leaned into his shoulder and laughed too. "It's the little things in life, right?" I asked. "Definitely," he replied and we chuckled together. I returned to my book and flipped around some more until I finally found the "JKL" page. I poised my pen and aksed him what number I could reach him at. He rubbed his fingers over his temples and smiled. "Um, I guess 274-1093....That's my cell number." I laughed out loud and leaned into him again. he had a big grey, fuzzy sweater on, so I had to feel it with my cheek as often as I oculd. i'm such a sucker for big fuzzy sweaters. "You have a phone?" I asked him incredulously. "I don't even have a cell phone," I continued. "When did you get one?" He took a drag of the cigarette I had him hold for me and explained, "Oh, I got it a while back. It's pretty convenient." I wrote the numbers down and then took the cigarette back. I took a drag and stared out at the wet streets. Recently it had become one of my favorite things to do. Out of nowhere I said, "I keep thinking I'm going to do a painting one of these days of the rain covered blacktop, reflecting red, green, and yellow lights. It's hypnotic. I really dig it." I giggled, realizing how random that was, but he nodded in agreement. "The little things," he pointed out again, and we chuckled. I took a drag and grabbed his left hand and held it in mine. It was warm, just like every man's hands. I love that about them. "So, getting back to this cell phone of yours, what kind of ringer do you have?" I asked, staring at him with my eyebrows arched and eyes wide. He smiled and crinkled his nose. "Well, actually, it's one of those annoying jingles." "Oh my God!" I exlclaimed, coveirng my eyes iwht my hands. "No! That's so wrong! It's such a trendy-girl annoying thing!" I moaned. He laughed heartily and tried to offer an explanation but I wouldn't hear it. I kept shaking my head, laughing. He squeezed my hand and said, "Anyway. So that painteing youw ant to do, why haven't you started it?" I looked at him and mumbled I didn't know, and passed my cigarette back so I could massage my cheeks. They got sore so easily when I laughed. "I have so many things I've been meaning to start....I've yet to do any of them though. I'm being such a lazy ass these dyas." I squinted at the ground frowned. "It's frustrating when I thik about how little I have accomplished lately. All I do is sleep, work, and lounge around here," I said pointing behind us at the window. "I mean, you'd think I was depressed or something," I continued. "But I really don't think I am," I trailed off. "I don't think you are," he told me, squeezing my hand again. "I think you are finally at a place where you can take these things on again without puking while you're doing it. Maybe you're feeling a weight about yourself because you're actually ambitious again." He paused and let go of my hand, bent over and put out the cigarette on the pavement. Resting his elbows on is knees, he looked at me and continued, "Just start small. It's easier said than done, but start small." I nodded and leaned my head on his back. He gave me silence and I closed my eyes, took a deep breathe, and listened to cars pull up to the stop sign in front of us, pause, and then rush off in a splash of water. Before I could change the subject, he did. "Do you work tomorrow?" "Yea," I replied. "Four to nine. And then Saturday nine thirty to four. And then my birthday week starts! I only have to work Monday and Wednesday,a dn then i have an entire week off." I grinned and he smiled back, matching the gleam in my eyes. "I hope you enjoy it," he said, reaching his arm around my shoulders and rubbing my arm. "Oh, I will," I said mischeviously. "It's gonna be fun. The details got rearranged the past few days, but that's alright. I'm gonna have a good time." I giggled and he nodded smiling. I pulled another cigarette out from behind my ear and lit it. "Dude, you should come to my birhtday party!" I shouted. He flinched and laughed. "But if you did, you'd have to introduce me to everyone, and they might not see me, and then they'd think you're crazy," he pointed out, laughing. He bumped me with his shoulder and I laughed right out of my belly--one of those heavenly authentic laughs. "Shiiit. I am crazy."
