Recently, a hot topic of discussion in GSB has been the question of which league is best. B? E? While some posters have made persuasive arguments for their leagues,
leveler heads in C decided a more scientific approach was required. A few managers in C put their heads together to
tackle the matter and came up with incontrovertible evidence that League C is indeed the best league. Here is an edited transcript of their discussion.
Red Rocket (BOS-C): But we have great haircuts!
Dave (HOU-C): Well its all about the haircuts! Ya think
Koontz will consider that when he talks all his crap about which
league is best?
Red Rocket (BOS-C): Only if he has a good haircut.
Red Rocket (BOS-C): I can only speculate at this time...
Chris Mattos (BAL-C): Depends whether he can translate
haircuts to his "best league formula"
Red Rocket (BOS-C): The faster your hair grows, the better
your prospects' growth rates.
Synocco (TOR-C): Any fair grading of Leagues has to consider
a haircut metric. We lead all leagues in HDA (hair density average)
and HHP (have hair percentage).
Red Rocket (BOS-C): Are we including facial hair in these
measurements?
Synocco (TOR-C): Anything above the belt.
Dave (HOU-C): I'd say on hair alone we must be a lock
for top 3 then.
Red Rocket (BOS-C): Body odor is another key metric.
Red Rocket (BOS-C): And I think League C far and away
exceeds the other leagues there.
Synocco (TOR-C): True, but it's harder to measure.
Red Rocket (BOS-C): By this metric even successful managers
can stink.
Chris Mattos (BAL-C): According to my Hair Growth Rate
Formula V2.01 (HGRF) we should be leading the other leagues by
far. And for many years to come.
Red Rocket (BOS-C): What was your methodology in gathering
data to back your results?
Chris Mattos (BAL-C): I took the top 3 haricuts in each
league. I added the length of the hair at the beginning of their
careers and charted the rate of growth at regular intervals. I
project that League C will have the greatest set of hair for at
least the next 10 seasons.
Synocco (TOR-C): Managers with shorter hair can compensate
somewhat with the KSP (key strand philosophy).
BV (OAK-C): I'm actually close to completing a HGRF 2.183198389239823983.
Synocco (TOR-C): I've heard that Chief Rum uses a toupee.
Can we ask the Commish to do anything about that?
BV (OAK-C): I'm under going a fire sale tomorrow. I just
can't compete, so I'm getting a hair cut. Anyone interested in
some Key Strands?
Chris Mattos (BAL-C): I thought we agreed before League
C started that we would not allow toupee's?
Synocco (TOR-C): Or key strands for that matter.
Synocco (TOR-C): Hair pieces are as bad as collusion.
Red Rocket (BOS-C): I heard Chief attempted to "rent"
a toupee for just one season.
Chief Rum (ANA-C): Contrary to popular belief, it is not
a toupee, but a mop without the hyandle.
**Mike Tront (DET-C) has arrived**
BV (OAK-C): Hey Mike...got any hair available?
Mike Tront (DET-C): Just got my hair cut, but didn't
save the hair, sorry.
Chief Rum (ANA-C): Are your teeth bright, Mike?
Red Rocket (BOS-C): You're obviously a HGRF newbie Mike.
Chris Mattos (BAL-C): Teeth brightness is less than 1/10
of the total equation. My formula proves that haircuts and body
odor are the predominent factor's in League managerial strength.
Teeth brightness is, at best, a minor factor.
Red Rocket (BOS-C): How do you possibly expect to
compete?
Chief Rum (ANA-C): Hey, the newbies have to start somewhere.
Synocco (TOR-C): He's making up for it in the body odor
category.
Chief Rum (ANA-C): Are you sure? I regularly use my teeth
brightness to blind opposing players.
Chris Mattos (BAL-C): That is due to LUCK.
BV (OAK-C): Yeah, I agree. Teeth brightness is very underrated.
You can only do so much with the terrible smell.
Mike Tront (DET-C): It's true, my players were complaining
about CR's bright teeth when he swept me.
Chris Mattos (BAL-C): My formulas show that teeth
brightness are nothing but minor factors. You would be foolish
to think
otherwise.
Chief Rum (ANA-C): Hey, you do things your way. I'll win
with mine.
Synocco (TOR-C): The new sim changes have increased the
importance of TB ratings. You need to re-run your regression.
BV (OAK-C): I gotta run. later.
Chris Mattos (BAL-C): Take care BV.
Red Rocket (BOS-C): Getting a haircut, eh?
Chief Rum (ANA-C): Going to brush your teeth, BV?
Red Rocket (BOS-C): Go get some deoderant while you're
at it.
**BV (OAK-C) has left (quit)**
