Also Known as "Musings"

What pray tell might the muse have to say?  Read on and find out. 

*Warning* May be offensive, funny, boring, and not even remotely of interest.  Remember your mom's advice... If you can't say something nice.... that's right you know it, don't say anything at all *smiles*

July 29, 2003

Feelings envelope me

Suffocating me, giving me heavy sight

I wish I could say it was the cloak of the stars

but it was in fact the cloak of bleak night

� SR

Today's musing is on depression and feeling.  Something sadly the muse is no stranger to these days.  Everyone has their own tolerance levels for everything.  What's seems to be the end for one person may only be a trip in someone else's path.  Does that make either opinion wrong?  no...

As a matter of fact they're both right.  A paradox for sure.  How can something that goes wrong (to any level) be "right" *chuckles*.  In any case what's important is to remember that even if you do not experience someone else's pain to the degree they experience it,   you must acknowledge the fact that there is pain.  And if you choose to support that person you must have an open heart. 

I have been without a job for a month now.  A short time in this job market.  An eternity of worry for me as bills pile up and things I wanted.. no NEEDED to do with my life go yet again on the back burner.  And so, even though *I* am not the cause of my situation, I feel depressed over it.  A failure if you will at something I had no control over.  I cannot control that feeling, I can only acknowledge it and do what I can to make it better.

Additionally I lost a close friend of mine on 7-27.  The circumstances are irrelevant.  Of importance is the fact that her light that was warmth to so many has been extinguished.  The fact that she does not suffer any longer is of some comfort but I am still here and she is gone.  The separation is painful.  This pain too will pass, but it hurts like hell. 

Which brings me to depression.  Depression is a little understood ill.  Even doctors that prescribe anti-depressant medicine go on trial and error hoping for some sign of improvement before moving to the next choice of medicine.  That doesn't mean it's incurable it means it should be looked at from a sympathetic perspective.  people who are depressed may do very strange things... Sympathize, love and care for your fellow friends...offer them hope. Because where they may be at, could be a very very dark and lonely place...

I Love You All

SO SAYETH THE MUSE *lol*

*Comfort Me*

After the storm of insanity

Let me lay down in soft grass

And feel the caress of satin earth

My empty shell needs to rebuild

The dark days are still close

After I struggle to free my imprisoned dove

Beating hard against its cage

Let me soar in the sky of blue

To be among the air the invigorates me

The air I denied myself as I cried my flood

When I finally am successful at opening my eyes

Let the first thing they see be beauty so I may know

Love again

And rejoice in the fact that

Along the battles lines of darkness

Lightness still reigns

When I sleep again at night

Let me sleep the deep sleep of peace

Knowing that somewhere I�m doing the right thing

Even if it�s just one thing

So I may build back confidence in myself to move ahead

And when I struggle again

Crying the burning tears of insanity

Let me have one glimmer of hope

The bright light that is so small

Shining so brightly

So that I feel a reason to live

This is my garden of dreams�

The dreamer is gone

But my spirit tends these things

Hoping she will be back

Someday�

@};-

�SR