My body is my body. It is my chapel, my temple and my tomb. She touched my body with her soft hands. Caressed my body in her gentle arms, and then she reached down to touch me there. SHAME! I closed my eyes, fighting the invasion of fear, insecurity and shame. I tell myself, �She loves me�she loves me,� and she does. I look her in her blue eyes, and find comfort and love. She waits patiently for me to come around. Waiting for me to convince myself that it is OK if, she, my lesbian lover, touches me. SHAME! My thoughts run rapid. I want to relax, I want to feel her tongue on my breast and my body. I want her to make love to me. My body betrays me. It tells me that I am not normal, that no woman could ever adore me because I am Intersex. My body quivers when touched. Rejecting her compassion and affection. It questions how can she want someone like me? Why does she want someone like me? I�m different than most women. I�m�I�m�SHAME! Damn�I was so close to feeling her inside of me. So close to letting her touch me there, feel me there�pleasure me there. Oh God how I love the way she touches me. The way she gently and smoothly kisses me. She pulls my hair, and my neck bends for her. She bites me on my neck, and nibble on my ear. I want her desperately. I raise my head looking her in her eyes again. This time they are full of lust for her. She lies down besides me and places her head on my breasts. �What�s wrong?� she says. Nothing, I reply. But we both know that is a lie. We both know that it is fear that prevents me from giving myself to her. She grows impatient, and she takes me. She handcuffs me to the bed rail, blinds me with her silk scarf, and whispers in my ear, �I love you, I want you, say yes.� She slowly begins to unbutton my blue jeans, and seduce me. I moan softly, and whisper, �take me I am yours.� She does! There is no room for control, shame or fear when my heart is full of love, and my bed has a naked woman lying in it, wanting me, and desiring me. I feel my muscles relaxing, my restraint hands wanting to touch her, but I say no. She reaches to touch me there. I want it, I need it, and I need her. I tell myself over and over again: There is no room for fear when my heart is full of her! There is no room for fear when my heart is full of her! Ohhhh Poppi! Copyright�1999 by Lynnell Stephani Long |
| My Body Is My Body by Millarca -Daughter of Darkness |
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